I don’t know what to call this feeling. It’s somewhere between lost and homesick—between dullness and longing. I moved from my country a while ago, and as one might expect, transitioning from a Spanish-speaking world to the U.S. was hard. But it wasn’t just the language. It was the culture, the warmth, the rhythm of life. Back home, I never struggled to make friends. I never felt alone.
I moved because something inside told me to. It was a gut feeling—an unexplainable pull. Maybe it sounds dumb or naive, but it felt like I had something I needed to do here. Even now, I still wonder if I was wrong. Everything around me suggests I was. I miss who I used to be. I miss my dad. I miss my friends. I miss waking up and feeling like I belonged.
Every year, I return for the summer—and those three months are the only time I feel full. The rest of the year, I just exist. I don’t go out much, I don’t have many people around me, and even though I’ve adapted, I still don’t feel alive here. It’s a lonely routine. And the scariest part is not knowing if it’ll ever change. What if I never feel at home here?
Sometimes I think about going back. But what if it’s changed too? What if I’ve changed? I don’t know where I truly belong anymore. I just know I can’t keep living for three months a year. It’s not enough. I’m tired of feeling like this, of holding on to something that always feels just out of reach.
I want to believe that one day I’ll find meaning—even here. That I’ll feel whole. But what if I don’t? What would you do?
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It usually depends on if you believe in the country you move to to how well you adapt to it. Sounds like you’re not really into it.
> I still wonder if I was wrong.
And
> Every year, I return for the summer—and those three months are the only time I feel full. The rest of the year, I just exist.
I think you just answered your own question there.
I moved to Australia from the UK back in 2010 and a lot of what you have written resonates with me a lot.
I hope you can work things out.
American society is isolating, alienating, and dehumanizing. Your feelings are perfectly normal.
As an older man, take it from me, don’t deprive yourself of time with your parents while they are mobile and living.
I wish I could trade places with you.
I’d move back without any regret whatsoever. If I had family and friends in what I’ll assume is either Mexico or Spain or South America somewhere, I’d be gone literally tomorrow. I’d let a real estate agent take care of selling my house, get on a plane on the next flight tomorrow morning.
What the fuck are you waiting for?
You aren’t alone. My wife is from Europe. She lists the same things. I fully understand and mainly agree w the assessment.