Struggle with my spouses native language makes family trips rough

I (30f) am very happily married to a wonderful man (30m). He is from Latin America but has been in my country over a decade and went to school here so his English was perfect when we met. We met through friends and have been together almost 7 years.

I took Spanish in middle and high school, and while I was otherwise a good student, always really struggled with my Spanish classes. I could essentially hobble through basic interactions when traveling when we met.

Since we’ve been together I have made some efforts to improve my Spanish. It’s always been our intention to raise our kids bilingual and we’ve planned our life to live in a place where we can send future children to bilingual school started in pre-k.

The problem is, I remain terrible at Spanish. I do Rosetta Stone on my commute (essentially a 10 min lesson twice a day). I initiate conversations once a week ish with my spouse. He does not and has never pushed me to learn, and does not initiate conversations in Spanish. And I just hate it – I struggle immensely and feel as tho I don’t see much improvement. I know I should do more to learn the language, but the more I do, the more I just hate it and I don’t want to feel that way about his native language. I’m also very sensitive and feel super judged about it (at least as much by family as his).

The issue really only comes up on visits with his family. His immediate family all speak English and in his extended family basically only his grandmother does not. But, completely reasonably, they largely speak Spanish when together, only switching to English when I am directly involved in the conversation. And it just essentially sucks, and I dread and often don’t enjoy these trips. His family are very nice and exuberant, and we get along (I avoid discussing politics as much as I can), but it’s just really isolating.

I’m generally really outgoing so I have a really hard time. I often end up upset and drained, and my husband and I often fight. He wants me to have a good time, and I want him to have a good time.

For example, they like playing sports. It’s very hard for me to play if they all speak Spanish and it’s not really fair for me to make everyone do English, when I’m the one who hasn’t improved my Spanish. I usually just don’t play, but last night my husband kind of implied he wished I’d participate more. Things go well in conversation with only a few people, but bigger activities and parties I just can’t really participate.

It’s also not anyone’s fault, but seeing my family is just much more relaxing. They also live far, but I am better about planning things that are convenient for us. My husbands family has to travel to our country (we have not been able to visit because of immigration, tho that should change), so the trips are less convenient. And my husband is not as assertive about making plan work for us, so it’s often really inconvenient.

I am pretty terrible about keeping feelings hidden, so he can always tell I’m upset on these trips. I struggle with wanting his support to make the experience better, and wanting to hide how I feel so he can have a nice time.

To be clear – our marriage is very happy, I would of course continue to hate this trips forever for my husband, and I think this will be better once we have kids (since I’ll be distracted parenting), but I feel really, really guilty and want to be a better partner

TL;DR I suck at my husbands native language. While his family largely speaks mine, it makes family events kind of rough. It’s my responsibility that I can’t speak the language, so I don’t blame his family, but I’m miserable on these trips. Seeking advice to make things easier on my husband.