I’m 22, and I had a pretty bad childhood. I had a ton of issues at home, and Covid took away a lot of my high school years. I know that I can’t go back and there’s nothing I can do about it, but I get this aching desperate need in my chest to have what I lost. I was at a fireworks show recently, and a huge chunk of the crowd were teenagers from the local high school I went to. Seeing them made me want to cry. All I felt was this deep jealousy that I wasn’t a kid like them anymore. That I’m just an adult now whether I like it or not. I know it may sound stupid, but the weight of this feeling is debilitating sometimes. I’m seeing a therapist as soon as I can, but I genuinely don’t know how to cope with that extreme jealousy. All I can think about is how lucky they are. I know their lives may not be perfect, but they still get to have what I never got. Please give me some advice.
Struggling to grow up
r/Advice
Comments
I’m glad my life was fucked up. Every time I see a shit head high-school kid, I just think “they have no idea.” Sounds like you need to get a grip on yourself. You need to realize your usefulness and capabilities. There’s nothing being a kid can do for you. You’re 22. I’m 25. I’m having a real hard time relating to you here bud
Growing up can be really tough, especially when you’ve faced challenges that many others haven’t. It’s not stupid at all to feel a sense of loss for those moments you missed out on. Remember, everyone has their own struggles—even those teenagers you saw at the fireworks show might be dealing with things you can’t see. It’s great that you’re seeing a therapist! That’s a big step towards understanding and coping with these feelings. In the meantime, maybe try focusing on what you can create in your life now. Is there something you’ve always wanted to try or experience? Sometimes channeling that energy into new hobbies or activities can help shift your perspective and allow you to build your own joyful memories.
I understand how you feel in terms of missing out. That’s how life is. Everything that you go through, good or bad, means that at that time you’re not doing a bazillion other things. And you’ll never be that age again, and those bazillion other things will never be available to you in that moment again. Sometimes it can be really painful, like for you when you think about your high school years. Sometimes, you don’t even notice it happening at all because you are super happy with where you are in the moment, and the bazillion other possible courses of action in that moment are for those poor suckers who can’t be you.
The good news is, that although you never get to be the same age for more than an instant, how you define growing up is entirely up to you. I have a kid your age and I wasn’t young when I had her. But my husband and I still live very young lives. We are silly and playful. We seek new experiences all the time. We laugh at immature jokes. We live it up. Because the thing is, you and I both still are lucky as hell because out of all of the people who have ever lived on this Earth, you and I are two of the very, very few who did wake up today. We are in the moment. The moment that will never come again. We can live it up. Just like in the moments before, you have a bazillion possibilities of how to live this moment. If you choose to spend it being pissed off and jealous that you were not someone else four years ago, you are missing the beauty of the fact that you are still able to do so many great things NOW. You are young. It sounds like you’re healthy. Stop worrying about what you missed because it only helps you to miss more if that’s all you’re thinking about. Set it down with a sigh, and turn your face and your hope and your youthful embrace of life toward the future.
I totally understand you, and honestly, you’re still very young, you can definitely live some teenage stuff right now.
For me, I was more of a teenager between 21 to 25 than my actual teenage years 😅 Those were the times I truly lived and experienced things I wasn’t able to before.
Do what you want, when you turn 30 you can think about adulting. 🙂 Life isn’t that short. It’s the longest thing you’ll ever experience. 😉