Hi everyone, I’m looking for some advice or shared experiences.
My wife and I just got back from a 9-day vacation with our 7-month-old baby. It went fine, but as you can imagine, traveling with an infant is no small task, especially when it comes to their routine, sleep, and feeding.
Now, my mother-in-law is insisting that my wife and the baby go on another vacation soon with her. She’s being very pushy about it, and things got a bit heated today, I had to firmly tell her to stop, because I genuinely don’t think it’s good for our baby to go on multiple trips like this in such a short period. At this age, I believe stability and routine are really important.
She took it personally, and now there’s tension between us. My wife doesn’t seem to mind and often says it’s too hot here and it’s better to be near the sea, but I won’t be joining them since I have to work. That adds another layer of discomfort for me, since I wouldn’t be around.
I’m trying to avoid unnecessary drama, but I also feel a strong responsibility to prioritize our daughter’s well-being. Am I overreacting?
Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did you handle pushy relatives, especially when it involves your baby’s needs and your own boundaries as a parent?
Comments
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So your wife wants to go but you cant so she shouldn’t? That sounds like the real issue here
Unless both parents say ok that’s a no.
Children, especially very young children are the responsibility of both parents. That means either 2 yes or 1 no. If you say no, it’s no.
Your MIL is putting her own needs over baby’s needs. That is the first red flag.
And the fact that she keeps pushing and is mad at you for saying no, is an even bigger red flag. It’s very manipulative and she’s clearly trying to guilt trip you.
I wouldn’t trust my child around someone like that…
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I think your want for LO to have routine is very valid AND you want LO to be where you are, which is home. You’re not over-reacting. Hold your ground. The answer is NO – don’t allow it to be an ongoing debate. When she brings it up again (she will), end the conversation — leave, hang up, walk away. She should catch on after a few rounds.
And you can’t avoid the drama if she makes it drama – your response is in your control though.
I think you have a discussion with your wife, similar to a comment I made earlier. Would she be ok if it was your mom and you but not her? Why or why not?
I think if it were a weekend away you’d be less against it but missing out on a full week in a time where growth is such a big deal is a valid feeling.
But word it that way:
I want us to be home more. I’m concerned about the schedule and routine we’ve created. I’m unhappy about missing out on this time with you and LO.
If it’s that important to you(her) you can go on your own but LO is staying home:
My youngest is a month older than OP’s. I wouldn’t be comfortable with him (or my 4-year-old, for that matter) being away from me for an overnight, much less a longer vacation. Same for my husband. That’s not to say that I think it’s wrong for others. That’s just our preference and comfort level. There’s nothing wrong with that either. And sure, routines can be maintained during vacation, but that becomes exponentially harder when one is the primary caregivers involved in that routine isn’t present. At the end of the day, family vacations should be agreed upon by BOTH parents. If one isn’t comfortable, absent abuse, whether verbal, financial, or physical, or other evidence of controlling behavior, there’s no reason to assume that here.
your MIL is pushing for another vacation because wants your child. probably could not care about the actual vacation. Your wife is being a pushover. Don’t worry, your MIL will soon be making all the decisions about your child because your wife will let her.