I (27f, 40w pregnant and all belly, very tiny frame) around midnight made the poor choice of taking a bath. I was still in a lot of pain from contractions/cramping that had gone on for two days straight and thought a bath would help. When it was time to get out, I couldn’t get myself up. I tried different positions and ended up falling from my knees to my butt. I couldn’t get the weight of myself up. I messaged my partner (29m) for help but he was sleeping. I kept trying to get up but couldn’t, and all the water had drained out of the tub. I tried calling his name, I banged on the wall, I used my phone and called him several times and he wouldn’t wake up. I started to have a panic attack because I was stuck and I didn’t know how I was going to get out or if I’d just end up having to sleep in there until someone found me. I tried getting up again and couldn’t, I kept slipping before I could even get on my knees. I kept calling my partner on my phone until he eventually woke up. I told him I was stuck in the bathtub and couldn’t get out and that I was having a panic attack. I was crying. I had been stuck in there for almost 40 minutes at that point. He came in and I said “I’m stuck in here and I really need help. I tried to wake..” he cut me off and raised his voice at me and said “I don’t know why you don’t fking ask for help I was right in the next room” I said “ I did! I messaged you and called and banged on the wall and you were sleeping! I did try to ask for help” he helped me up, mind you I’m so heavy even he has a hard time getting me up, and I was still crying at this point. He said “you’re so fking dramatic” went into the bedroom and went back to sleep. I grabbed my things, took my medication (which is for an anxiety disorder) and went down to sleep on the couch. I was overall calm other than crying, I did try to get help, and being stuck in a tiny tub while heavily pregnant for 40 mins after already taking an hour bath was becoming very uncomfortable. AITA in this situation??? I genuinely did not know what else to do.
Stuck in the bathtub at 40w pregnant, S/O mad at me?? AITA?
r/AITAH
Comments
NTAH. Yikes can’t imagine how fun all your midnight-2am newborn childcare is going to be with this person as a partner.
That’s a shitty situation where you were trying and it just didn’t work out, unfortunately some people wake up cranky. Something you should speak with him about in the morning. This is a very unfortunate situation. But you are not the asshole. Something you will both laugh about later on. But definitely an apologize needs to be said.
NTA~ He sounds like a real catch! If he has shown non caring issues like this before you’re in for a Hell of a life. If this is 1st time I’d have a No Shitter with him & see if it was just that his Princess Ass was woken too early or if he Really is an Asshole. You would then have to process on the basis of what’s best for you & that Child. Good Luck!!
NTA
He might have been scared or stressed himself, and confused bc he was woken up BUT. there’s zero excuses for how he talked to you. None.
I’m frustrated for you bc what if you were in labor or needed to go to the hospital? He needs to start sleeping with his ringer and notifications ON.
I hope in the morning you can have a calm conversation with him. He owes you can apology.
What is wrong with your partner? Doesn’t he realize you are 40 weeks pregnant and that he needs to be super aware 24×7?
I don’t think nobody’s the asshole in this situation. You were in a terrible situation. He probably woke up cranky like most people do and then having a hard time lifting you off the ground sounds like an annoying experience for him and you. i’m sorry you had to go through this, but you are definitely NOT TAH
NTA.
Next time you are stuck, please feel free to call the emergency line in your country. I know it may sound crazy or like it’s overreacting but you’re heavily pregnant, it is so dangerous. Your safety matters the most. And also, your S/O sucks. Who the hell treats their partner like that? Does he even like you? Does he even think of you as his partner?
If you have family or friends, it might be worth considering asking them to stay over for a while with you after you give birth. Your partner seems like a dick.
Edit: OP commented that this is how he acts normally hence why I said he’s a dickhead
LEAVE THAT FOOL. That’s disgusting for him to treat you that way.
Hormonal, pregnant about due, and anxiety? Bad combination.
His reaction was elevated, but I think that was a mix between just being woken up and your own elevated emotions.
NAH. Sorry you went through that
Tell him to check his phone log and then tell him to go fuck himself. OMG NTA
NTA, it wasn’t your fault and you did everything that you could’ve possibly done to ask for help. Can’t say the same for your partner, though. Good luck with him hopefully clocking in minutes for some midnight diaper and/or feeding duties when the baby comes.
Ladies stop procreating with losers. Life doesn’t get easier.
I’m 4’10. That happened to me. You must be so ready to meet your baby! Forget this incident and focus on your breathing and relax. He probably didn’t mean to be a jerk. You’re going to need your husbands support in the next couple of days. Remember he’s your teammate try not to be mad. I know your body is screaming right now. Focus on relaxing as best as you can. Best wishes for a great delivery!!
Wondering if he knew you were going in the tub before he fell asleep?
NTAH, but, at 40 weeks pregnant I wouldn’t have gone in the tub without someone in the house knowing. If he knew and fell asleep, then he is a AH
Whew. Postpartum is gonna be hard with an attitude like that. Do you have a support person who can come and help you with childbirth and the first week or so at least? I’d be leaving him.
NTA.
You were not wrong to go have a bath. Next time put things in proximity that will help you get out by yourself.
Have your dad install a handle on the wall to help you to pull yourself up.
Get a slip safe rug (foamy things with succion stuff) for inside your tub. Put a blanket next to the tub so that you won’t freeze at least.
And an airhorn for your asshole.
And a bag of manners!
NTA
Good luck with midnight feedings. You’re on your own.
Why in the world did you think this was a good idea in the first place? I’m not saying you’re an AH, but this was an accident waiting to happen if you’re so heavy that even he struggles to lift you. Not only that, you took an hour bath starting at midnight, so it was almost 2 AM by the time this all ended.
I’m not saying he was justified in his reaction, but you aren’t completely innocent either. I’m going with either NAH or ESH.
I am not excusing him but he was asleep. You need to take some responsibility here, you are very pregnant doing anything with telling someone what and where for at the last trimester is a little careless. Pregnant women fall and can’t get up in many situations, one I know went to get the washing in at the bottom of the garden and fell, her mother was there and knew where she had gone so came out and found her, I know you usually take of your self but you need to inform him and others of all your plans, you should have woken him said I‘m not feeling very well and I’m taking a bath it may help, keep a eye open for me.
As far as my mom tells me, my aunts and my dad practically never let my mom alone after 37 weeks
Why are you alone at 40?
Red Flag Guy should put this in one of his YouTube shorts. You’re not asking too much you’re just asking the wrong person.
Hear me. This will never change. It may get better and you will see glimmers of hope. But you will ALWAYS be alone when it matters You have two choices . You walk, and I know you won’t, OR you get in his face in the morning and tell him that if that disrespect ever happens again you will…. I was there and won’t say what I said but he knows, trust me
Shame you didn’t find out he is an asshole with no respect for you before you got pregnant. Don’t sign up for a lifetime of this, bring your baby up away from him
NTA. I’m 40w2d pregnant and my husband would never react like that. Red flag central.
NTA 💔 🙏
I’ve been there. But I don’t have a tiny frame, and, hubbs had to come home from a social event to help me out of the tub (3+hrs stuck)
His reaction was AH, but, he might have been projecting some guilt or shame. Or just extremely grumpy after waking from a deep sleep. If this is isolated incident, maybe have a frank conversation. If not, maybe counseling is in order. NTA
This is your life. It won’t get better when the baby is here.
NTAbut I’ll just say statistically pregnancy and the first year of a newborn domestic violence jumps by 40% (I’m too lazy to find a link but I’m sure you can google it)
This man’s absolute disregard for your safety is genuinely frightening.
NTA
Sis, first of all, I’m sorry you got stuck in the bath. The good news is you are hopefully sensing that this guy is not safe for you. He is mean, dismissive, unreliable and did I mention how mean he is? I wish I could say talking to him would help. I wish I could say that you could try make it work but I can’t say that. He is aware you are vulnerable and have anxiety and his plan of support was to be mean and cruel.
You know why he does that? Because he wants to and he can. There’s a great book you can get for free online called ‘why does he do that?’ It’s a famous book to help navigate abusive relationships.
You are in danger. How soon can you get outta there? Can you call local shelters? He will try and gaslight you that you are the problem. Look up DARVO and his behavior is textbook and will escalate. They usually do.
Please look for these recourses safely. Make sure you delete browser history if you share devices. I’m sorry OP. This is not your fault.
NTA
But be aware this is how he will treat your child as well.
I’d leave.
I would find that extremely hilarious 😂 but I would wait with laughing until after helping you get out and hugging you to sleep. What’s there to be mad about?
That he didnt wake up, Thats bad luck But I would accept it.
But the way he Spoke to you – no way. Massive red flag.
My partner (actual 31 weeks) didnt sleep this Night much Because of me not finding a good Position to sleep (he is a light sleeper).
I had him woken up This Night Minimum 5 times. He always ask: is There something I can do to help? More Pillows, A glass of Water, something?
I told him Im Sorry for waking him up and I can sleep on the Couch.
He only says: your growing Our son, Thats hard work. If I Need more Sleep I can go to the Couch, you stay in bed.
Thats How a good man should react.
He’s 100000% the asshole.
NTA. While it seems he was woken up from a dead sleep, he definitely reacted poorly and if you needed validation of that very obvious fact, please know you have it. But you were always (in theory) safe (911 was always an option, right?) so depending on the level of hysteria he awoke to (no matter how warranted) you might forgive his ass hat words in the moment and begin again tomorrow. Unless this behavior is a pattern… Then <insert every typical reddit response>. Sorry for your scary night. Sorry your BF is/was a dick. Take some deep breaths. Good wishes for a safe delivery.
That must have been terrifying! I’m genuinely sorry you didn’t get the help you needed; that’s not okay.
I have some words to say you’re probably not going to want to hear.
This person has shown you exactly who he is. He has shown you what behavior you can expect of him.
When you have your baby, you are going to need so. much. HELP! And he’s showing you what compassion and help he’s willing/able to offer. It’s hard to be pregnant. It’s infinitely more hard to take care of a newborn. You are going to need at the very least someone to feed you, someone who can hold the baby while you bathe and eat, help you get sleep.
I’m not being inflammatory when I say this man is not capable of giving you the help you need; I speak from experience. Are there any friends or family that can step in and help you now and after you give birth? Does he have somewhere else to stay? Please reach out and ask for help. ❤️
Why exactly did you reproduce with this man?
Nta. He’s an asshole.
Note: You could have fill the water up so that it would have been easier to stand 🙏
What exactly gave you the impression he was a good choice to have babies with?