TL;DR
Hi all,
I am currently talking to this one girl. She’s super chill, fun, gentle, and really cool to be around. I know she really likes me and we have gotten intimate with each other and she has stated to me a few times that she wants to see where things go but there are a few things that just make me overthink on whether or not I should pursue it. About 3.5 years ago I had my first girlfriend. Things were good with her but there were things that I did not like that eventually led to her cheating on me. She still talked to her ex, would say that she wanted to see him just to get closure or talk things over with him when really they were probably just cheating. He had cheated on her several times and yet she kept going back to him and kept on wanting to see him. Anyway, things went bad and we eventually broke up. Fast forward to now and I’m currently talking to this new girl. She’s the first one since my last girlfriend that I’ve really gotten with. After getting cheated on I kind of hated women for a bit as stupid as it sounds. That’s just how I reacted I guess. But now I am talking to this girl. We have been talking for about 2 months now and have been hanging out a lot these past few days. I’m starting to really like this girl but there are things holding me back. One of them being the similarities in situations when compared to my ex. The girl I am talking to now also had an ex bf. In short terms, she was dating him and he wasn’t dating her. He cheated on her, never took her out, wouldn’t communicate and just wasn’t there emotionally. However, even when she found out he cheated on her she still went back to him. She has stated before how dumb this was and how she regrets it very much.
Thing is this was about a year and a half ago and the last time she saw him was in January.
He lives in a different country for school but comes back to visit so every time he does, she sees him. Around when we first hung out I asked her if she still talks to him or plans to see him and she said she talks to him very seldomly. Maybe once a month or so. However, he did call her about a month ago asking if he could see her when he gets back(which is very soon). Originally I had asked if she was going to and she said she wasn’t sure but that she maybe was because she wanted to get closure on things and wanted him to explain himself because apparently when he had left the last time she wanted answers on what they were but he wouldn’t give her anything. She asked me how I felt about that and I told her exactly how I felt. I don’t fuck with girls or go for girls who still talk to their ex AT ALL. She has no obligation to me and I told her if she feels that it is right for her or that she wants to talk to him then that is absolutely fine but then her and I will just be friends and that I wouldn’t go for her “in that way”. After hanging out a few more times and getting intimate with her and talking more, things have been going well. She has told me she is not talking to anyone else and that she only wants to be doing things with me and talking to me only. She also said that she sees potential and wouldn’t mind trying things out with me. We had also got on the topic of her seeing her ex again and she said she was not going to see him at all again and that it would be very disrespectful to herself if she did that. As for me, I don’t know where I stand. I really like how things are going right now and I am really just going with the flow but Tam also very scared about what could happen if we get together. Not sure if I’ll get cheated on again or if she’s really serious about not seeing him anymore or being done with him.
With what has happened in the past I just have some fears that stay in my mind. She is different from my ex and I do really like her but I’m also just scared. I tend to overthink a lot and I think after what happened with my ex cheating on me, it’s just very hard for me to trust someone in that way. I’m not sure what to do and was hoping some kind strangers could give me some advice on it. I have talked to some friends and my brother about it and they said I should see how things go but l’m just not sure. Thanks for reading if you did and any advice would be greatly appreciated.