TL;DR: We’re moving and want to invite Dad to the in-law suite, without making him feel like an old man.
My (28f) dad (78) is fiercely independent and doing great, having only retired a few years ago. His health has not been the best lately and it’s making me think about next steps – meanwhile he’s asking my brother (25) to help him set up a website for his new consulting business. Still sharp despite the health issues.
When a close friend of his passed away recently, Dad was feeling very vulnerable and shared that he doesn’t know what comes next for him, where he’s going, if he can afford a nursing home, etc. He “doesn’t want to be a burden” but frankly having to worry about him at a distance is more burdensome. He’s renting a home an hour away from me and my younger brother is staying there. I’d be stressed if he was alone, but I don’t want my brother to feel trapped there forever.
Husband and I have agreed that we’re open to Dad living with us. We’re already planning to move in the fall to be closer to everyone, and now thinking about looking for a house to rent with a second apartment, with the plan to invite Dad to stay in the in-law suite (so he’s independent but still close). We need to discuss this because if he’s unwilling to rent the basement apartment, we can’t afford to rent a full house and would go smaller. My dream situation is we rent two houses side by side, but alas my lottery tickets aren’t supporting that plan yet.
The question: How do I broach this? I don’t want to do anything to harm or reduce his independence. I don’t want to inadvertently send the message of “I SEE YOU AS AN OLD MAN NEEDING A BABYSITTER”. I just want him to be safe and have a plan. Help?? I don’t feel like a real adult myself, never mind qualified to parent my parent.