The Aftermath of my Abusive Relationship

Hello everyone,

This is my story, and I hope it can help lead others in my position toward something better.

I’m a 21-year-old woman, and I just got out of an abusive relationship with a 23-year-old man. We started dating at the beginning of 2024 when I had just turned 20, but our story began a little earlier. I met him at the gym while I was in a previous relationship—one where I was being cheated on. After that breakup, he and I started spending time together. He seemed like everything I had ever wanted in a man—though, looking back, I was young and had nothing to base that on.

At first, he treated me like a queen. He took me everywhere, bought me things, and made me feel special. We were even homeless together, living out of a car, but somehow, things still felt good. He encouraged me to work out and pushed me to be my best self. He seemed mature, understanding, and kind. Everyone told me I should date him because of how well he treated me, so I did—I asked him out on my birthday in 2024.

For the first few months, everything was great. But then, slowly, things started to change.

I stopped seeing my best friends—the ones I used to spend time with 4-5 times a week. I stopped seeing my family. I stopped interacting with people because he told me it should only be him. He started taking my phone away, making me delete social media, and cutting me off from everyone. He convinced me that the people in my life were “bad for me” and that only he truly loved me.

Then, things escalated. If I so much as talked to a girl at the gym, he’d call me an “attention whore.” If I mentioned something that happened before we were together—like a time I was in the hospital—he’d twist it against me, calling me a “soulless, heartless b****.”

I told a friend what was happening, and she helped me leave. We went to his house, grabbed all my things, and left. But he followed me to her apartment, grabbed me, and told me, “I created you. You are nothing without me.” After a week or so, I believed him—and let him back into my life.

At first, he seemed perfect again. We even moved in together. But within three days, it all fell apart.

This time, it got physical.

We had an argument over something so small I can’t even remember, and he grabbed me by the wrists, telling me I was a monster, evil, the worst person to ever exist. He said I should never be around anyone but him because “they would opt themselves out” (of life, lol). I broke down crying on the floor, and when he was done, he carried me upstairs and held me until I fell asleep.

It became a cycle. He’d hurt me—whether physically or verbally—then act sweet, and I’d convince myself he loved me. There was a time I playfully put an ice cube down his shirt, and he threw me against a wall in retaliation. But afterward, he was gentle again, making me feel like he cared.

Even when I shared my story on Reddit before and had over 1,700 people telling me to leave, I couldn’t do it. I thought I loved him. I convinced myself I had no one else, that no one else would ever love me. I stayed, even though deep down, I knew I wasn’t happy and didn’t want to marry him.

But then, in February 2025, I made a decision.

I ended our lease, moved into my own apartment, and cut ties with him the day I left. But, of course, a few days after Valentine’s Day, I called him. I don’t even know why. I just remember crying in bed for days, hearing his voice in my head, telling me how right he was.

He came back, happily.

But this time, something changed.

I started hanging out with a girl who is now one of my best friends. She made me feel confident again—taught me how to stand up for myself. I also started a new job, met new people, and realized something I hadn’t before: I deserve better.

So, 17 days ago, I woke up and decided I was done for good.

Since then, he’s called me over 300 times and sent more than 100 texts. I haven’t responded once. The only thing he’s been bugging me about is some shirts he left at my place—but honestly? I’m considering them compensation for the mental and physical abuse he put me through.

For anyone wondering, I haven’t blocked him yet, mainly because I might pursue a restraining order. But I finally understand that I deserve happiness, and I am a good person.

So, to anyone going through something similar—whether it’s worse, the same, or even just a fraction of what I went through—please listen to this:

You get one life. That’s both a blessing and a curse. But whatever you do, live it for yourself.

Never, ever let someone take that away from you.

Everything is replaceable. If your best option is to run out the door and start from scratch, DO IT.

You will never get another chance to make that choice.

So choose yourself.