Today I had my mother and my MIL over to see our baby, she’s 5mo. And I swear I thought I was going to have a heart attack. Double grandparents gave me double anxiety. Not only does my own mother drive me nuts, but my MIL is just so PUSHY, bullying and manipulative.
She walks in the front door and my mom says hi to her, and right after she says hello back, she immediately asks my mom “did you hold the baby yet”? What kind of question is that?.
I’ll tell you why she says that; because I have barely let her crazy ass over our house! Why? Because she is so pushy, and judgmental, and she literally said she wanted to come over one day to see my baby then 1 day later she’s extremely sick with the flu. Thank god I said no to her coming over that day! She only Thinks of herself .
She picks my baby up the second I put her down. I say she needs to nap and she says no she’s wide awake. …Im not making this up.
So when she’s here today; she asks me so aggressively to please let her hold the baby. What am I guna say, no??? (I wish I did) and she literally wouldn’t give her back! 45 minutes of me staring and trying to get her back. I finally said I need to feed her I really need her back please!
Like what is this shit?!
As a result, my little girl slept 15 minutes THE ENTIRE DAY. They were over the whole day!
I feel like such a bad mom, I can’t even make boundaries for my own daughter bc I’m afraid of confrontation. And that’s why my MIL walks all over me. I am so upset with myself today.
Can someone please tell me how I can get better at this?
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Yes, you are indeed gonna say no. No justification needed. You say no and it’s end of story. She wants to argue? Cock your head to the side and say, “Did you hear what I said?”
I’m horrible at standing up for myself. I will eat the wrong food at restaurants because I don’t want to send it back. I’ll let people walk all over me……….
I will stand the heck up to anyone who wants to cause issues with my baby! Baby needs to sleep end of sentence. MIL opinion isn’t needed.
You are 100% in your right to tell her no. To ask for baby back and take her back.
Good luck OP sounds like you MIL is a handful
What is your babies longest awake hours? It’s been a while since I’ve had a 5 month old, but they tend to stay away for 4-5 hours? Only invite your MIL over for that period and just tell her that if she doesn’t like it she can visit again when the baby stops napping.
Don’t invite both grandmothers over together. They are competing with each other and it’s creating an uncomfortable situation for everyone.
Not giving a baby back to its mother is a huge overstep. Before your next visit, make it clear that your baby is to be returned to you without question when you ask. If grandma resists, you take back your baby immediately. Next time she visits you baby wear and don’t hand the baby over.
I say she needs to nap and she says no she’s wide awake.
—That is when you say… From this time forward, saying no to my intructions means the visit is over.
“she literally wouldn’t give her back! 45 minutes of me staring and trying to get her back.”
—That is when you say, you cannot handle supervised visitation so you are no longer allowed to visit LO.
It is also what you say now, since you didn’t when. Defying your instructions is not even remotely tolerable.