We have all heard stories of a Bridezilla. We’ve seen the demands for destination bachelorettes, the 10-page dress code, the mandatory cash gifts. But every once in a while, a story comes along that makes all other Bridezillas look like amateur hour. This, my friends, is a story about a best man who was pushed, prodded, and berated until he had no choice but to deploy a truth bomb of nuclear proportions.
Our hero is a 30-year-old guy who is, by all accounts, a great friend. His best buddy was getting married. He’s in the middle of a major life moment himself: new house, wife pregnant with their first son, and money is tight. He was honest with his friend, saying he was limited financially but would do his best. And he did. He went to the bachelor party, rented the tux, and paid for two dinners at the rehearsal. He even had a card with $300 cash ready to go.
Then, the texts started. From the bride. Multiple times a day. If he didn’t respond at least once a day, he’d get a call from the groom, sicced on him by the bride. And the content of these texts was, to put it mildly, unhinged.
Let’s just make a list of her demands. First, his pregnant wife was NOT allowed to talk about her pregnancy. At all. The bride didn’t want anyone’s focus to be on a new life when it should be on her. She also informed him she would NOT be ordering special food for his wife, a-la-carte, which… no one even asked for.
But the demands on him were the real kicker. She told him he wasn’t helping the groom enough, so he needed to start helping the groom… do her tasks. Favors, seating charts, programs. And get this: she told him to “get ready to help with thank you notes” after the wedding. Is he the best man or the new, unpaid personal assistant?
Then she went for his wallet. She told him that if he was a “true best man,” he would offer to pay for the entire bar bill. I am screaming. The bar. Bill. On what planet is that a best man’s duty?
And the speech! Oh, the speech. She demanded to read and approve his speech beforehand. She insisted on being included as much as his best friend, and if he didn’t have enough material, he should just “make up things.” He was also forbidden from including any inside jokes or stories that didn’t include her. She was literally trying to retroactively edit herself into his entire friendship.
The final text was the most personal. She told him to tell his wife to “keep it together” and not make a “pregnancy scene.” And, the cherry on this garbage sundae, she wanted his wife to choose a dress that “downplayed her pregnancy as much as possible.”
At this point, our hero was aggravated and went to his friend, the groom, to see if he could please reason with his fiancée. And the groom’s response is the single most important, and saddest, part of this whole story. He told his best man to “just play ball on this one,” because, and I quote, “he’d be dealing with her nonsense for the rest of his life.” He knows. He’s a prisoner of war, and he’s just tapping out in code.
Our best man, annoyed but resigned, calmed down. But the wedding day was a nightmare. All day, the bride and groom did nothing but “scold me, berate me and bark orders.” He finally escaped to the bar for a single drink, where the bride’s mother warned him not to get drunk because he had “ruined her daughter’s day enough.”
That was the final straw. He made some decisions. That $300 card? That’s staying in his pocket. And that pre-approved, sanitized speech? That’s going in the trash.
When it was time for the toast, he got up there, and he did not disappoint. He used his friend’s exact, haunting words. He wished them the best and told the groom he’d always be there for him… and then he dropped the hammer: “…especially during the divorce.”
Is he the ahole? Sir, you are not the ahole. You are a legend. You are the patron saint of best men who have been pushed too far. He didn’t just throw a grenade; he took the groom’s own grenade, pulled the pin, and handed it back to him in front of 200 people. You can’t complain about the truth being told at your wedding when you’re the one who supplied the material.