I [30M] ‘ve been dating out with a girl [26F] in the last 2 weeks that I like quite a lot. While it’s too early to fully understand the person, she’s gentle and respectful, spending time with her just feels lovely, and she has a beautiful smile. While it’s way too early to make any decision or commitment, I am quite excited about her and would love to explore how this dating journey might turn into.
Both her and I have gotten out of a relationship not too far ago, and are not rushing into a commitment. She wants to take it slow, and to continue exploring to understand her perspective better. Before anybody comments that she’s just taking advantage of me for her “exploring”, she’s not. She feels genuine and present whenever we text or meet in person, and I feel her enthusiasm while I’m with her. I trust her with her words, and I think she’s being reasonable.
I think I’ve done enough self introspection to have a good grasp of what I want and I feel comfortable exclusively dating with her, but I have no intention to pressure her to do the same. I want to give her the space she needs to ponder through her thoughts, and support her whichever decision she makes. No matter what happens, I wish to be on her side (barring some unforeseen circumstances where things turn unhealthy).
I’d be lying if didn’t want her to stay with me, but I want her to make that decision voluntarily without any pressure. It’ll definitely be pretty sad if things don’t turn out well, but I think I’m equipped with the right skillsets to process that grief and move on should that happen. Everybody can benefit from therapy :p
I feel pretty confident in the direction I want to take mentally as described above, but here’s a thing – I’m not very good with knowing what to do, as I’ve spent most of my life lacking connection with any girls. It’s incredibly rare for me to find myself in a situation where a girl I like also likes me back and wants to explore things together. I’m mildly oblivious, so I’m not that good at picking up queues to understand how the other person is feeling. I’m not just sure what exactly I can do, outside of being genuine and kind, and try to give enjoyable times for both of us. We’re only just starting, so there are very little that can be done without unnecessarily pushing the boundary.
Ladies, if/when you were in this situation, what would be some things you would’ve wanted to see from your date?
TL;DR: The girl I’ve been going out with (genuinely) want to take things slow and explore, and I want to support her. What behavior/action should I be mindful of to make her feel supported/comfortable?
Comments
You sound like a very considerate guy. I can resonate with your situation. I am picking up some vibes that you don’t think too highly of yourself. My judgement is that you have some self esteem issues and that you are trying to hide behind a facade of “supporting her to explore”. You don’t feel worthy of this woman. And she can feel it. I would highly recommend increasing the time you spend loving yourself. You have to love yourself. Tak yourself out on dates and do loving things with yourself. And be fully present with your emotions. All of them. Crying or joy you have to feel it all. Connect with your body. Learn about your triggers and what it feels like. Learn how to talk to yourself in a loving way. Notice if you are feeling fear about her exploring. Take care of that part that is afraid. If you don’t already know about IFS (Internal Family Systems), learn it now. Your ability to live yourself regardless of whether this woman is with you or not will determine how likely she is to actually want a relationship with you. I’ve been in your shoes. I had to learn how to love myself so much that it doesn’t matter if women love me. Once I got to that point of having a full cup in my self love, I met an amazing woman who I could actually share that overflowing cup of love with.