The girl I like is in an open relationship
Hey everyone, I’m making this on a burner account for somewhat obvious reasons. I (M22) have had a crush on my friend (F21), we’ll call her Jane, since junior high school. We remained close friends until our graduation, then drifted apart, but got back together and it was just like we saw each other yesterday—things took iff without a hitch.
But that’s what we always were: friends. Her boyfriend (M22) went to school with me and she introduced us about a year ago, we will call him Mark, and I’m good friends with Mark as well. We all hangout often with some other friends and have a genuinely good time. Mark and Jane have been together for 4 years.
I got to talking with Jane recently about relationships and such, and she revealed that her relationship with Mark is actually an open relationship. I got kind of excited for a moment, then felt a lot of shame because Mark is still my good friend and I couldn’t get between our/his and Jane’s relationship. It’s so difficult, because I’ve liked Jane for such a long time, and as a young single guy it’s hard not to want to potentially see where things can go. But I know deep down I’d want a relationship with her, not just fun, casual sex.
So, has anyone else found themselves in this situation? Any advice for me? Would I be a terrible person if I got intimate with her? I’ve just been so confused with my own feelings, what I want and what I should do.
Thanks everyone.
TL;DR: I’ve liked the same girl for years but she’s been in a closed relationship, until recently when I found out she’s in an open one—would I be an asshole for trying to be intimate with her?
Comments
Run from her. She could be lying and a cheater. Maybe mark is in an open relationship under duress. This girl is bad news,don’t waste your time and attention on her. Go find a girl you can build a real relationship with.
It’s a hugely bad idea to get intimate with her, and not specifically because of this:
> Mark is still my good friend and I couldn’t get between our/his and Jane’s relationship
…but rather because of this:
> I know deep down I’d want a relationship with her, not just fun, casual sex.
If she is the “open relationship” sort, then even if Mark didn’t even exist, you could not have your need for a committed monogamous relationship fulfilled with her, because that’s not the way she approaches relationships.
You need to step back and focus your attention elsewhere. It’s not actually possible for you to be a true friend to her anyway, because all of your interactions with her are colored by the fact that you’ve been carrying a torch for her for something like a decade.
She is not for you, she will never be for you, and as long as you orbit around her periphery hoping that someday she will magically realize that you’ve been there all along, and fall in love with you, you are:
Absolutely guaranteeing yourself the constant heartache of her not even realizing that you feel this way, and
Also absolutely guaranteeing that you will never actually find someone who does want to be with you in the kind of relationship that you want to have, because even if someone else comes along, you’ll miss the signs because you’ll have all of your romantic attention focused on Jane.
You’re begging for a ton of drama if you go through with it.