I’ve been talking to this girl for a little over a month now. We hit it off almost immediately—we have tons in common, conversations flow effortlessly, and we even hung out twice: first, we went on a walk, and the next day we went to the cinema. Both times were incredibly comfortable and natural. I wasn’t anxious at all, which is rare for me, and it felt like we were totally on the same wavelength.
She’s been open with me about having depression, and sometimes she goes a few days without replying. She apologized for it and once said it might be better to stop talking because she didn’t want to disappoint me. I told her that I understood and didn’t want to walk away just because things were hard for her. I asked how I could support her instead.
A little later, she actually asked me out on a date and admitted she had a crush on me. I was thrilled—I’ve had a crush on her too. We planned a date for Sunday. She went camping recently, so we didn’t talk much that week, but I was really looking forward to seeing her. I even asked friends for advice on dating (something I don’t usually do) because I wanted to make it special. Since she’s from a different culture, I wanted to be thoughtful, and eventually decided to bring her a single red rose and some chocolate (even though some of my friends said to skip the flowers).
Then, just yesterday, she texted me to cancel. She said she wasn’t feeling up to going out and just wanted to stay home and rest. She also said she doesn’t think she’s ready for a relationship right now, and apologized a lot for disappointing me.
I told her honestly that I was sad, but I understood, and that I’d still love to be her friend, even though I hoped for more. She said she expected me to react badly and wouldn’t have blamed me if I had. I told her I couldn’t argue with how she feels—and that if she still wanted to hang out on Sunday, even just watching something together at home, I’d be glad to. I also said I’d understand if she just wanted to be alone.
So now I’m stuck. I really care about her. I still have strong feelings. But I don’t want to pressure her or make her feel guilty. At the same time, I don’t know if staying close to her while hoping for more is just setting myself up to get hurt.
What should I do? Should I stay in touch as a friend and see what happens, or should I give her space and start moving on?
Comments
Backup of the post’s body: I’ve been talking to this girl for a little over a month now. We hit it off almost immediately—we have tons in common, conversations flow effortlessly, and we even hung out twice: first, we went on a walk, and the next day we went to the cinema. Both times were incredibly comfortable and natural. I wasn’t anxious at all, which is rare for me, and it felt like we were totally on the same wavelength.
She’s been open with me about having depression, and sometimes she goes a few days without replying. She apologized for it and once said it might be better to stop talking because she didn’t want to disappoint me. I told her that I understood and didn’t want to walk away just because things were hard for her. I asked how I could support her instead.
A little later, she actually asked me out on a date and admitted she had a crush on me. I was thrilled—I’ve had a crush on her too. We planned a date for Sunday. She went camping recently, so we didn’t talk much that week, but I was really looking forward to seeing her. I even asked friends for advice on dating (something I don’t usually do) because I wanted to make it special. Since she’s from a different culture, I wanted to be thoughtful, and eventually decided to bring her a single red rose and some chocolate (even though some of my friends said to skip the flowers).
Then, just yesterday, she texted me to cancel. She said she wasn’t feeling up to going out and just wanted to stay home and rest. She also said she doesn’t think she’s ready for a relationship right now, and apologized a lot for disappointing me.
I told her honestly that I was sad, but I understood, and that I’d still love to be her friend, even though I hoped for more. She said she expected me to react badly and wouldn’t have blamed me if I had. I told her I couldn’t argue with how she feels—and that if she still wanted to hang out on Sunday, even just watching something together at home, I’d be glad to. I also said I’d understand if she just wanted to be alone.
So now I’m stuck. I really care about her. I still have strong feelings. But I don’t want to pressure her or make her feel guilty. At the same time, I don’t know if staying close to her while hoping for more is just setting myself up to get hurt.
What should I do? Should I stay in touch as a friend and see what happens, or should I give her space and start moving on?
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The ball is in her court. You left it open to be her friend but she was up front with you that shes not ready for a relationship and she seems like she’s a bit wishy washy.
Move on, date other people, if she gets it together and reaches out later genuinely, great but don’t invest a lot of time/effort here. You’ll just be chasing after someone who is emotionally unavailable and there’s nothing you’ll be able to do that will magically convince her you’re the one if she would just give you a shot.
Edit to add: once your strong feelings subside and you reach a place where you can actually be her friend and not hope for more, reach out and invite her to a group thing.
Move on
Do not reach out to again. Let her set the pace. She may never contact you again
I wouldn’t put all my eggs in this basket. She may or may not be ready for a relationship in a year, or two, or five, or never. Don’t wait around. There are other fish in the sea.
Move on. You’ve been friendzoned
It is an indication of how it’s going to be if you date her. She told you about her depression, late replies, and flake too.
If you still want her, then just keep pursuing her. She probably just had a bad day.