Maybe I’m too young to speak on this already. But, I’m a freshman in college. I’m not smart by any means, but coming out of high school I had a wide range of colleges to choose from. in the end, i strayed away from home, from the best academics, to enroll into a party school. to say it now, i went to ASU (Arizona State University). basically my whole academic career, i never even thought about leaving my state for school let alone for one most known for quite literally having a lot of sex (atleast as known with my age group).
but, these past two years, i was influenced by so many different things. my friends, hell even my own family members, so much of their social life was based around sex. i never felt the need to participate in it, but it was advertised by everyone as such a good thing, i began to desire it as well.
I felt i did a good job not having sex i guess. i dont think i’m some unnattractive guy. I workout, i shave, do skincare, sports, whatever. but i never wanted to put myself out there yet. i wanted to save myself for college. however, the more time passed, the more my friends and my peers talked about how college was gonna be so free, and how they would be doing all types of stuff once they got into college. The tipping point for me was social media. i got sucked into this rabbit whole of red-pill bullcrap, but it never seemed like that when it was happening. I just thought that this was how life would be when I was an “adult”. A “young man with the freedom to do whatever he wanted”. all of this considered led to me committing to my current university, a choice solely out of the desire to enjoy the freedoms of being out of the house.
but when i finally moved to my dorm, i felt so alone. I knew i was in a new place, but i didn’t feel as if i fit into with the rest of my classmates. they all seemed secure in themselves, i wasn’t. But, i thought, the void i felt would be filled once i began to enjoy myself. so i talked around, and i finally went to a party.
the moment i actually lost my virginity though, i felt nothing. I know how people say it felt good at first, and then they were sad. well with me, the whole time i felt like crying my eyes out. i didn’t even feel physically good, i just felt dead. all i could think about was how this was the culmination of all of my high school years? all the time stressing over shit, just for it to feel like, idk nothing special? that same night though, i tried to keep finding that buzz, that event that would make everything worth it.
so, i drank. i never drank before, but here i was drinking. i also did some substances. again, i’ve never done any of them, but there i was doing it. after i took them, i could remember nothing. what i do remember though, was me doing stuff i never wanted to do. i was crossed, and i was just made to be like a fucking object by random fucking guys i don’t know.
when i woke up, i woke up to myself laying down in a trash filled room. a few days after, some of my friends told me videos of me were being spread around. a few months later, in january, i tested positive for two different STDS. since that night, i have not gone to another party in my school
i still try to look at the positives of my situation, but it’s rather bleak now. all of this could’ve been avoided if i had not have gotten sucked into the rabbit hole, if i had not been so enamored with the idea of having a sex-filled life. rather than being with my friends still, or learning from the professors i wanted to learn with, i chose to have fun. Now, i have none of those. i don’t even want to imagine how much worse my situation would be if i wasn’t who i was. i’m not smart, but my omma was, she gave me a sensical outlook on issues like this.. there are so many more vulnerable people out there, even younger people than me, that are getting brain washed by red-pill nonsense to be so lustful, and they won’t be able to turn back in time
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You can take this at as a learning lesson. Seems like you know what you want and know where your priorities really lie. I understand what your saying, but you don’t have to beat yourself up about it. Your still in school, still got life ahead of you. Just try to make the best decisions moving forward.
Some people that try to make things sound cool are also lost, confused, etc. They just know how to cover it well. Just learn how to be ok moving and doing things at your own pace. Don’t trick yourself out of position for hype
Sex obsession in this society is so strong because we don’t have a compass on where we want to go as a civilisation. We’re floating aimlessly towards our doom and the only thing most people can do is numb the pain through substances and sexual gratification. I won’t ever take someone seriously again if they try to persuade me that engaging in this way is life fulfilling. The suicide, mental health and substance abuse statistics say otherwise.
I’m a 35 professor and wish to god I was good enough for sex just once.
I hope someday a woman is desperate enough to give you a chance
Another women who complains about all the sex she is good enough for
It’s disgusting not woman can appereciate being good enough to be touched. I can’t imagine the confidence you have every single day knowing you’re good enough to be touched by another human
You say your not smart, but you figured it out. How many people wasted their lives chasing the buzz. Then end up in prison, homeless, ugly beyond measure and basically without any good options.
I was lucky enough to get my wife pregnant and get dragged away from the madness under the idea of raising my kids then being a wild man to realize we were all duped. We lost our way a long time ago. The secret is to protect the flame inside ourselves so we can pass it on to the next. If I knew how much I was going to love my kids I would have made different choices. Luckily I wasn’t so far gone that I can’t be there for them now. Everyone tells you to work for tomorrow but they don’t tell you why. Or don’t know why. It’s about you, but it’s not about you. The we that is you is temporary. But the you that is in us is forever. We just forgot. And we wanted it that way. We are here to have an experience. But you ultimately get to choose the experience not everyone else
Well this is a culmination of topics in one post so lets go through them one by one.
First of yes the hype around sex, especially about the first time is bs. For most people the first time is at best average but in most cases its bad, because you are nervous af, dont know what you are doing and have a ton of exceptions you build up over years that cant be fulfilled.
In your case its even worse, because the hype build with the red pill crap comes on top of those already high expectations. But you are still young so dont give up.
Secondly for the feeling empty part. This sounds like a depression. If you have mental health services in your college use them or look for a therapist. The earlier you can get help the better. But at least talk with friends about it, because it helps to get it out and it also helps when there are people who can pull you out of the worst episodes of it. And stop early with the drugs. I dont say never use them , but for example never use them alone and never in excess and never ones that are highly addictive. That way you wont use them to flee from your own emotions and thoughts.
Lastly, if I leave all the red pill and alcohol stuff out, you sound like you might be somewhere on the AroAce spectrum. To find out I would suggest you try to do some introspection. Look at your libido, emotional attraction, sexual attraction, romantic attraction, emotional needs, sexual needs, physical non sex needs and romantic needs as separate things. And then look how they interact with each other. This is different for everyone and it helps a lot in realizing what you actually need. And it helps overcome internalized images of how you have to be.
PS: Just to clarify AroAce spectrum doesnt mean you never want sex, it just means that you need less or only under specific circumstances. There are a lot of subcategories, but its easiest to first check if you generally fall under this spectrum and then research further what specific type you are.
If only I could have your problem
One party and you got 2 STDs and woke up full of trash AND they made videos of it???? 😂😂 What a guy.
This came as an eye opener tbh…For the first time I feel something really connected to this…
agreed, I had friends in universitthat where a couple . the guy had apparently a massive penis. and they always had a way to mention it in conversation. Always made me uncomfortable, maybe it was just jealousy of not having a massive member myself
Just remember my don’t ever get drunk they will do some bad stuff to you some men get raped after getting drunk be aware my guy that’s a lesson you should never forget
It’s best that you do it if you really want to. Do not be pressured by your peers. It’s more enjoyable if you emotionally connect with that person ❤️
Honestly don’t sweat it. I’m a woman in second year of college and I never had sex (And did not try to have sex).
It doesn’t seem that incredible, I don’t feel like I’m missing out
I’m so sorry this happened to you, OP.
Your story really makes my heart ache.
But it also makes me think of a quote I hold dear, and one I feel like you regrettably learned the hard way:
True freedom comes not from having the ability to do ‘whatever we want’, but having the ability to do the things we ought.