I’m (25F) freshly dating (3 months) my not yet boyfriend (22M). He is a bit younger than me of course which has already given me some reservations. He already wants to make things official (we are exclusive) but I’m afraid it’s too soon, which I have told him and he respects. I’ve struggled with relationships throughout my 20s and I find it difficult to open up to men but everything is different with him. I like him so much and love spending time with him (up until recently as below). But I am afraid that I’m now closing off and avoiding him due to his eagerness.
He is very clear about his feelings for me and how he sees a future with me. But more recently I’ve been noticing that he definitely is falling hard, and I don’t feel like I’m at that point yet. I want to be with him and lots of things that would usually put me off a man (I’m a little avoidant and anxious) have not put me off him at all. The other week he did something to upset me and then cried because he thought he was going to lose me which was a little ovrrwhelming for me (he has a lot of trauma/self hate to work on).
The last few times we’ve met up he’s also been extremely overexcited, to the point of being childish and overly playful and making silly, unfunny jokes which he never did before. He’ll deliberately do the same thing repeatedly (e.g. press a button over and over, hit a tree with a stick again and again, etc) and if I don’t respond or I ignore him, he stares at me waiting for a reaction with a childish look on his face. But if I ask him to stop because its annoying, he’ll get upset that I’m telling him to change his personality. I really don’t think that it is his personality, he never does this around anyone else, he’s admitted that. So why around me? I told him yesterday that he’s reminding me of my guy friends who are like brothers to me and its turning me off – I’m yet to see if this will change anything.
We do have really mature conversations and when it comes to anything serious he is extremely mature and Well spoken. He works hard and saves up and wants us to work so much so he’s trying really hard.
There is definitely potential here but obviously in the first few months you never know where a relationship will go and I’m really afraid of hurting him. I’ve never had a man so down for me before and it’s scary, I feel like this is my issue though due to my attachment tendencies.
I guess what I’d like is if someone could tell me I’m overthinking this and just to go with the flow? Or how to navigate this without him getting really hurt if I want to end things in future? Can I expect him to change this childish behaviour or am I actually asking him to change his personality?
TL;DR – the guy I’m seeing likes me more than I like him and gets extremely excited and childish around me due to that, what should I do?
Thank you.
Comments
>But if I ask him to stop because its annoying, he’ll get upset
Sorry, but he is immature and you should avoid putting in too much work here. Breakups always hurt, it’s the inevitable risk everyone takes in every relationship. Putting someone else’s needs above your own constantly is not a sustainable strategy, and it’s not a safe one to employ with someone who gets upset at you for saying “I don’t like when you __, it’s childish and annoying.”