Who we date usually says more about us than we think. If our self-esteem is low, we might settle for people who treat us poorly or don’t meet our needs because deep down, we don’t believe we deserve better. But when we know our worth, we stop chasing chaos and start choosing peace, respect, and real connection. Attraction isn’t always random; it often reflects what we think we’re worthy of. So if your dating history feels messy, it might not be bad luck—it might be a mirror.
Often I see so many of us asking “ he did this – should I leave him?” Instead you should asking “do I think low enough of myself to stay with him?”
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I’ve seen this firsthand, when we UNDERVALUE ourselves, we tolerate unacceptable behavior. It’s crucial to remember our WORTH and demand respect in relationships.
What’s the most important quality you look for in a partner?
This reminds me of the ‘perks of being a wallflower’ quote “ we accept the love we think we deserve” 100% agree with you who ever you’re with is a reflection of yourself and it’s very clear to everyone observing if you love yourself or not.
I wouldn’t agree fully.
> he did this
Not reflective of your self esteem. Other people’s actions are on them.
> should I leave him?
Here’s where your self esteem comes into play.
Yesssssssssssss. So fucking well said.
Word!
I have a fwb situation because I don’t want to love and commit to someone ever again. It’s unconventional but it works for me and how I want to live. I don’t think it’s a reflection on my self esteem, but more so how I don’t trust society and will live life on my own terms.
I mean, I agree for the most part.
But my husband is the total package. Smart, funny, kind, generous, caring, hardworking, does more than his fair share around the house, fantastic parent, affectionate, incredible in bed (and his biggest turn on is making me cum).
I’m a garbage goblin. Or maybe I’m not, and I just think I am. My self esteem is something I was trying to work through with a therapist when I still had one. But at minimum, I am mentally I’ll, and one of the outcomes of that is a deep intense dislike of myself.
Husband thinks I’m amazing. I think he’s amazing. I think I’m garbage. I don’t think I deserve him. At all. But …. it does give me motivation to try to be better. Maybe one day I will deserve him.
Not always, I have very low self esteem and boyfriend treats me like a princess
r/TIHI
because, damn I hate the truth in this
My sister is in an abusive relationship with her now wife, and this is one of the things that breaks my heart the most. That she must think so little of herself to believe that this treatment is what she deserves, and no one else would ever love her
Yep. Yep yep yep
The important thing is to address it, learn from it, heal from it
My ex and I are both better people, better parents now
This is getting uncomfortably close to “you should have picked better.”
I really needed to see this today. I’ve been struggling to find reasons to stay in the relationship I’m currently in, and I think I was looking for an answer
All my girlfriends must really hate themselves then…
Gabor Maté has said that we date people who are in essence our toxic parent.
The first thing I did when I got out of an abusive relationship was to get into therapy to figure out what was wrong with me that I wanted to be with someone like him. So many women grow up in either abusive or misogynistic households, so it’s no wonder so many of us feel comfortable with men who treat us like they hate us.
This can very quickly turn into victim blaming. It’s very common for women/people with high self esteem that know that they deserve to be treated well, to get pulled into bad relationships, even repeatedly, by people who mask and wear their partners down over time.
I think my partner is far better than my current state of self esteem.
On today’s edition of It’s All Women’s Fault:
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I got to a point where I evaluated the choices I had made, decided it was better to stop choosing. I was in my early 20s when I decided to stay single because I traumatised myself with my choices.
2 decades later and I’m finally trying to work on my self esteem but at least I’ve been content on my own.
This is very very true, thank you
Oh absolutely. I have dated some real trash and it directly correlates with my terrible self esteem.
Really? I thought it worked the reverse way. To be honest I’m dating nobody and my self esteem is lower than lowest …Everything is a mirror of self esteem
I like to think of it like your life being a movie. Imagine if you’re watching a movie of your own life; what would the hypothetical audience be screaming for you to do?
Think about like horror movies, rom coms, dramas – as the tension is building you just know what the main character should be doing – don’t split up and look for clues of where the last idiot split up went, dump that loser, give that one person a chance, quit your shitty job and take a risk – etc.
It’s almost bizarre how easy a lot of things in life are if you take off your blinders and find some perspective. It’s hard to do that though.
I don’t think this is always true tbh. Abusers can be manipulative. Alot of the time they are. This is too general and can be victim blamey.
I think beliefs about what is possible or even probable come into play too. Sometimes you think there’s not anyone else out there that you are likely to find
Definitely registers true with my last relationship. Thought I could never find anyone better, but the guy after that proved me wrong. Didn’t get far but he’s still a million times better than my ex. Still feel worthy of all I want and more.
Ouch.
💯
You are not wrong and that’s a very hard pill to swallow.
This isnt true at all.. I have insecurities issues, but my man is secured & regulate his emotions. You do not speak for the rest of us.