The last email to her year back but still can’t get over her

We got separated on 21 September 2023 after almost a year of being together. The reason was simple, yet deeply painful. I caught you lying more than once. The final blow came when you went on a trip with some guy and told me you were with your cousins. I found out the truth through pictures. Since then, something in me has been broken.

Even now, I wake up in the middle of the night, staring at your photos. I don’t know what’s stopping me from deleting them. I even called you one night to ask why—but by then, you had already blocked my number. I still remember our last conversation when you said, “You are not the one, you are nothing to me, who the hell are you.”
Those words still echo in my head every single day.

I try to stay strong and control my emotions, and most days I do. But sometimes, it just becomes too much. I remember your touch, your hair, your fragrance, your eyes, and that fishy smile. I even remember the taste of the food your mother used to send for me—her paneer recipe is still my favorite. Sometimes I feel like calling her and telling her everything her daughter did to me—how I was left behind with pain while she walked away without a trace of shame.

My last email was this👇

Still, despite everything, I want to say this from the bottom of my heart:

Thank you.

• For being my home in a city full of strangers
• For checking up on me when I was sick
• For ordering food (even if we got the wrong order both times)
• For putting a smile on my rude face
• For the close moments we shared
• For sharing your food with me (I never used to eat from anyone’s plate—but you were different)
• For giving my thoughts meaning and inspiring my writing
• For giving me butterflies every time you were around
• For bringing out a side of me I never knew existed
• For your mom’s lunchbox, which always felt like love packed in a tiffin

And I’ll miss…

• Ticking you mid-conversation
• Trying to make sense of your silly doubts
• Fighting for a chair or sitting at the corner of the table
• Sharing earphones and silently judging each other’s music taste
(mine was better—you knew it)
• Choosing which movie to watch
(yours were boring but comforting)
• The cabs we shared and the silence between us
• Playing with your fingers when you rested your head on the table
• Ordering “tikkhi-tikkhi Maggi”
• Late-night conversations at the tapri with chai and sutta
• Dedicating songs to each other
• Getting caught staring at you from a distance
(still the most embarrassing moment for me)
• You randomly saying, “acha chalo meri tareef karo”
• Picking your nail paint or lipstick shades
(always nude shade)
• Hearing, “fookna kam kar le zyada ho rahi hai”
• The first time I spoon-fed you pulao
(yes it was cold but I just wanted to feed you that day)

And so much more…

I’m sorry for being angry, for walking away in the middle, for not knowing how to hold on.
I hope you find what keeps your smile alive—wherever you are—with or without me.

I may not believe in many theories, but I liked your parallel universe one.
Maybe not here, not in this lifetime—but somewhere out there in another universe—it’s still you and me.

Bye.