Hello! First time using reddit, but I’m really anxious about this, and I could really use some help. I (17F) have been babysitting for this couple (~30M & ~30F) since I was 15. They have three kids all under 10 who I absolutely adore, but I don’t know if I can even babysit them anymore because of this situation. I feel like I need to give some context before we get into the meat of this story.
These people are new to our neighborhood, and my mom encouraged me and my sibling to introduce ourselves and offer to babysit for them. My sibling ended up working elsewhere, but I hit it off with them and their kids. The parents (Lets call them Amy and Bob) were also super friendly, and I didn’t feel uncomfortable, at first. After about a year of watching their kids, I became somewhat of a full time Nanny the summer I was 16. Amy worked full time, and Bob was injured in the line of duty, so they needed an extra hand. I worked somewhere between 4 days a week for about 5-6 hours each day (and I made bank thankfully). Because of Bob’s injury, he was home about 1/3 of the time because of his pain and inability to actually care for the kids (which is where I came in). Because he was home a lot, I had a friendlier relationship with him. With Amy we are friendly but it is more professional. This is about the time things started being weird.
When I say Bob was friendly, I mean sometimes it felt like he was tethering the line. At first he was just smiley, cracking jokes with me, and seemed genuinely interested in what was going on with my life. But then he started making some comments. It was never about my body or anything, but if I mentioned I was going out with friends, going on a trip, or had plans, he made these comments like “Don’t get into too much trouble” and stuff like that. I thought it was a little weird, and I mostly thought he meant ‘don’t do anything illegal’ or ‘don’t drink’ which, yeah, still a little weird but I just thought it was a generation difference. But then the comments turned towards more “Don’t have too much fun,” and many of his comments started having sexual undertones, implying I was going to meet up with someone to have sex, or I was going to meet someone on my vacations. I’m pretty sure he once actually called me “a freak” in the sexual sense. I would always laugh off the comments because yeah, they made me uncomfortable. But I’m still a teenager, and I didn’t (and still don’t) know how to tell a 30 year old man to stop. This is just the tip of the iceberg.
A little before this, probably closer to when I was 15, both Amy & Bob followed me on their respective Instagram’s (I know now that this is enterally unprofessional and I should have not accepted, but I was 15 and this was my first job ever, so give me some grace ). Amy posted mostly about her family, while Bob did as well but he also posted about playing video games, gym stuff, and martial arts. I never really interacted with their Instagram’s they were just there. Then Bob started sending me reals. And I was stupid enough to send some back. That was it for a while, just funny videos about memes or the occasional news story. There was a LOT. But once again, some of the videos got weird. Sexual. None of them had sex of course, but there were sexual implications about couples having fun, or sex jokes and things like that. I don’t mind a sex joke once in a while, but only if its with my friends within my age group. This once again was weird and made me uncomfortable but I didn’t know what to say. THEN (of course there’s more) he starts texting me on Instagram. And like all other times, it gets weird. It was usually at night, and he mentioned being drunk a lot of the times. He was asking me personal questions, telling me way to much about his life ( I think its important to state that he was groomed as a teen by an older women but just, doesn’t realize it? When he mentioned it he seemed to think fondly of it, so maybe its an indication this behavior). He told me I was very mature for my age and nurturing, which was a BIG red flag for me, so I started making excuses.
I told him I’m trying to get off Instagram so much so I delete it a lot (which is true, I did start doing that partially because of this but also because I doom scroll way to much) and I put a one hour timer a day for it recently. When he added me on snap (I felt compelled to add him back when he talked about it in person), I said I don’t really do streaks and I’m barely on it (this became true after I added him as well). I think I saw in the back of my mind all of the red flags, and I was defiantly weary, but I tried to just put a distance. I know it seems like there where a lot of instances where I could have shut this behavior down, but once again, I am a 17 year old girl, and this is a 30 year old man whos been in the military. No matter how friendly he is, this behavior makes me nervous, and I don’t actually know what will happen if I say anything. Its also important to note that he offered to train me in martial arts when I expressed interest. It never worked out because of my schedule, and I’m honestly glad.
So now we get to like, two nights ago. I’m on Instagram and I’m using my one hour. He texts me, and I know he saw that I’m active, so I ask him what’s up. Bad choice I know, but I also know I can just use the excuse that my phone locked me out if I want to exit the conversation and he asks. So I say what’s up, and he asks me to respond to a poll about muscle mass. I think its a little weird, but he’s a gym rat so not totally weird, and it seemed innocent enough. So I agree, and instead of a poll he sends a picture, and I’m tired so my dumbass opens it and low and behold, its a boner picture. Of course I close it, and I sit there in shock after closing Instagram for a few seconds. After a while he sends a message saying something like “I’m sorry if that was too much.” I simply responded “It is” and I’ve had my phone on DND since.
If I’m being honest, I’m scared. I don’t know what to do. I want to tell Amy but I don’t know. I don’t think she knows, as she’s super busy with work a lot and is very no nonsense. I don’t think Bob is a danger to the kids (he has two girls and one boy), but once again, you never know. What if I ruin Amy’s life? What if I ruin her family? What if me telling her gets her or the kids hurt? Don’t even get me started on my parents. Do I tell them? I love them and they’d be 100% on my side, but I don’t know to what extent they’d go. Would they confront Bob? Would they go to the police? I really don’t want to go to the police, but what if another girl is in my position and accepts the advances? I’m just really confused, and I’m willing to take any advice. If your still reading this, thanks for taking the time to look at my situation 🙂
Comments
As much as it’ll hurt you, and Amy, you have to tell the truth….. You can’t keep it to yourself….. Unless well you want to but yeah…..
As a parent of a 17 year old this is something I would want to help my child navigate. He is taking advantage of the fact he thinks you won’t report. He will try to pretend you encouraged it. He will try to make you feel complicit when none of this is your fault. Please block him and tell your parents you need help. I do think Amy needs to be told – if only to protect other sitters. But your parents can help you deal with that. She will not take it well and it would be good to have an intermediary. If your relationship with your parents is strained – do you have another trusted adult in your life? Go to them.
Youre 17 and hes 30? Injured in line of duty meaning hes a cop or in the military. Has TWO daughters. I would 150% go to the police. Not just because its ILLEGAL but also because he has THREE CHILDREN. Whats to stop him from doing that or worse to one of his children as they grow?
I did not read the whole story. Just the headline and first paragraph.
That’s enough info to:
Be careful, tell her so she knows what her husband is doing, what he is doing it’s wrong, protect yourself and future young girls.
This is entirely inappropriate. I would go to your parents. You are still a minor. I would no longer contact this couple. Get out before you’re in too deep. If this was my 17 year old daughter, we would be contacting a lawyer.
You’re 17, Angel. Coming from someone who was in a similar situation when I was your age.. you need to involve your parents, and his wife AS WELL as your local police. First your parents, then the police. Please. Your older self will be so happy you did and that you stood up for yourself.
This most likely was NOT his first time attempting this
Forward it to his wife and quit
Tell your parents or a trusted adult immediately. You can’t and shouldn’t have to navigate this situation by yourself.
Yikes I didn’t need to read past 17f to see that is a felony. Call the police. The rest doesn’t need to be explained. You have the evidence right there.
This is far, far beyond something you can handle on your own. Tell your parents or call the police, preferably both. I’m sorry this happened to you. You didn’t do anything wrong.
Quit and tell your mom. It would be best for her to tell Amy. That’s a lot for you to navigate. Put this behind you as a learning experience and move on.
This is an absolute crime. Go to the cops now.
Tell the wife. Point blank. If he’s sending a 17yro explicit pics. He will or has done this to younger.
Tell her his wife, just you and her he will say it was an accident and you need to find a new employer. Tell your mom or dad whomever is the cooler headed one. Welcome to the real world. Unfortunately as a woman this is not going to be the last time this happens. But there are still good guys out there. Keep looking and when you find an employer that is good learn from them.
Please send to police. He’s dangerous to children. An exploiter and groomer.
So a 30 M sent nude picture to a minor and you’re wondering what to do. You know that is a crime correct?
Talk to your parents. Ask them to help you notify Amy and the police. This is not an issue that you should be expected to navigate on your own – which is exactly why it was so wrong of him to put you in this situation.
“What if I ruin Amy’s life? What if I ruin her family? What if me telling her gets her or the kids hurt?”
Telling the truth does not mean YOU will have done any of these things. HE hurt his wife, his family, and you. He is an adult, and he made decisions. Your only responsibility here is to be honest and be safe. Talk to a trusted adult, and do not have any further contact with him (or even his family) until you have support and a 3rd party supervising.
Quit. You quit. OR … you do the other thing. That’s all there is to it.
Tell your parents and they handle it, you should have nothing to do with this couple at all
Please tell your parents. I’m 18 and understand how hard it can be to tell them something like this, but I promise it is the best thing to do in this situation. This isn’t a one-off thing or a drunken mistake. He has continuously made inappropriate advances on you. He has been preying on you since you were 15. He is sending explicit messages to a minor. This is a serious crime, and it needs to be brought to the attention of the authorities. As for Amy, she most likely won’t take this information well, but she trusts you enough to care for her children, which has to give you some reliability in her mind. Make sure you document your evidence.
The most important thing I want to emphasize is that none of this is your fault. You aren’t ruining the family. He ruined the family when he chose to prey on a minor. You are in no way at fault here. Please stay safe hon
Tell Amy to protect other sitters, please.
This is very serious!!! He’s been grooming you for close to 2 years! Do not blame yourself, none of this is on you. He needs to be held accountable for his actions.
I would definitely go to your parents first. Make sure you get all the proof you can. Go to the police station with your parents and explain all of his perverted behavior and sending graphic images [of himself] to a minor.
Don’t worry about Amy. She’ll be upset about it of course- it’s really disturbing to hear. But she will be thankful later on when she realizes who the person is that she married and is the father of their children.
I’m so sorry this happened!!!! And please don’t blame yourself at all. He initiated every inappropriate interaction. That’s on him. He is the adult and should know better. Creeps/pedos like him need to be charged.
Tell your parents. Police and then tell Amy. You’re a kid still. You’ve done nothing wrong. He is a weirdo. You don’t want this to go too far. What else is he doing?
I’m sorry you’re having to navigate this
TELL YOUR PARENTS.
Now.
By all means, tell your parents first and let them help you get through the rest. You’re a minor and employed by this jerk. Save the communication you’ve had with him and especially this very incriminating picture. Do not return to this job! Do this immediately!
OP firstly I am proud of you for recognizing the red flags and knowing that this behavior is wrong. Your instincts are good and you should trust them.
Secondly please make sure to screenshot the instagram messages as evidence against him as he may try to delete to protect himself. You should also speak with your parents about this as they can assist you on navigating speaking with Amy and contacting law enforcement. Best of luck to you and I’m sorry this happened to you.
UpdateMe
I would tell his wife what he did is moraly wrong &illegal to expose himself especially to a child since u r notyet an adult must be very uncomfortable for u having to deal with his advances