whenever I ask someone how do do it painlessly NOBODY will tell me. I know there is a way – euthanasia exists but they aren’t gonna do it for me. There is literally nobody in this world who I have or I can trust, literally nobody. I hate my life the only thing keeping me going is that people have it worse than me physically. There is nobody I can go to, nobody I can rely on. All I do is study all day and do whatever my parents tell me to do. My parents im the reason im “like this” as what they say. Nothing causes me more tears and anger and rage more than my parents. They hit me so much and so suddenly for reasons I dont know about until hours later – the people who sit beside me at school…well last year he raised his hand and then I flinched really bad and he was like wtf who hurt you bro while laughing. I laughed it off too but he doesnt know what I go through on a daily basis. I feel like a second class citizen in my own house. My parents make me do hours of things a day and then get mad at me when is say leave me to study because I have a test tommorow. When I go into my parents room they scream at me to turn the lights off and close the door. When I ask the same thing I always get yelled at and hit. My parents first reaction is to yell when anything does not go their way. I call them out for this and guess what, they said “im an adult and I can do what I want and this is my house and you’re living in it”. I was working on a game…I had hundreds of working hours on that game and I really wanted to release it by Q4 of 2025. My parents found out about it. I do not know how. I swore to keep it a secret. They got so mad at me that “I dont tell them anything” and said I need to stop it so I can focus on my school work. Anything I do is always held against me…And the one time I DONT tell them something it still gets held against me. This was the only thing making me happy and now it is gone. They will spend thousands of dollars a year to go to places on travel by themselves and the latest iPhone every year, and recently my parents made me beg for 2 days for just 5 dollars so I can hire an artist to do some art. I always overhear my parents talk shit about me behind my back to each other. Saying how im addicted to my phone. The only thing on my phone is Google Classroom and YouTube music. And they still get mad at me when I have my AirPods in. My girlfriend broke up with me last year because of my “insecurity”. I will never feel that kind of love again because I tried and felt absolutely nothing, the next girl cheated on me. My old “friends” that I thought were my best friends actually hated me and talked shit about me and how I was so stupid and how I didn’t deserve my pretty girlfriend. One of them made a joke saying about how they would SA her and that’s where I was done with them and that’s where all the talk came from. I go to school lonely I have no one I talk to no one there is nobody in my phone my phone is deserted and I have to walk home into this awful house and I can never love anyone again. I hate everything I want to leave this world anything I like gets held against me and broken. The worst part is my parents always get mad at me how I never tell them anything but they’re the same people who backtalk me really negatively (annoying, pisses me off) whenever I do anything remotely out of their vision of perfect. im posting this because nobody I have nobody else and I feel hopeless posting in a subreddit where 2 people will see this and scroll over.