The rapist ruined my whole life

Hello, I’m 25 male. And when i was young(10 years old) I was subjected to an attempted homosexual rape by a boy who went to the same school as me but was several years older. He tried to force me to perform oral sex, but I refused in a rude manner, even though I was so young that I didn’t yet know what sex was. I ran home in fear, afraid that I would be persecuted.But the rapist turned out to be a much more vile and disgusting creature.He chose the path of lies, slander and rumors, blackening my reputation throughout the school, which is wheveryone began to bully me, and they bullied me until the end of my graduation from school (mostly in my class).Because of this, I could not study normally, did not go through the necessary stages of socialization,have not friends /girlfriend and grew up in an atmosphere of alienation, terror, fear, and constant anxiety.I have PTSD.I tried to fight bullying. So, I signed up towrestling school (SAMBO). But to my horror I discovered that this rapist had gone there too.As soon as he saw me there, he spread the same rumors about me, which is why no one else wanted to train with me in pairs. As a result, any mention of martial arts traumatizes me, causing me to remember the scene when a rapist whispered something in a person’s ear, after which that person stopped communicating with me.
My whole life went downhill because of this man and his asshole friends who also took part in the bullying.One of them was in my class and he kept beating me up all the time, until he broke his fucking finger against a girl . Because of this, I grew up to be a cowardly piece of shit. Even now, I can’t stand up for myself. Im stupid. Lazy. I have no reason to live at all.