Not in some conspiracy vibe but it’s more like waking up in the middle of a movie you’ve been in your whole life.
I started noticing how much of what I believe, feel, or react to is stuff I never questioned. It came from ads. From social media. From the news. From family. From trauma.
It’s like I’ve been rehearsing a role I didn’t audition for.
Lately I’ve been doing the work & meditating more, questioning everything, trying to trace the origin of my beliefs. & what’s wild is how many of them collapse under the smallest amount of pressure.
I’m not even mad about it. Just shocked at how deep it runs.
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This is the conversation I recorded after one of those mental reset moments: https://youtube.com/shorts/qYdMHNzXaQ4?si=nRckb5uBPCztB_y7
This is Water by David Foster Wallace comes to mind. Have a read or find it on YouTube. I first stumbled upon it about 15 years ago, ever since then I re- read it every month or so.
I had a similar feeling, when I figured out that everyone, and I mean everyone in any kind of position, is just winging it.
Examples…
We have relatively new laws here, that if you build a new house, it’s mandatory to install a water reservoir (not sure of the English term, basically a concrete pit that holds a shit ton of water), for rain water recycling/use.
So, all rain water on our newly built houses is to be collected, and used for flushing the toilet, for instance.
When I heard of that new law, I thought ‘wait… rainwater normally goes into the ground, where it’s still part of the water cycle, because farmers pump up that water, and use it for crops. Won’t we get a ground water shortage??’
Surely not. Surely the governement had specialists check this and they would made sure it wouldn’t impact our water cycle, right??
A few years pass, and you guessed it: all-round ground water shortage.
When I tell ppl it’s kind of logical, that if we stop rainwater from flowing into the ground on a large scale, it would cause a water shortage in that ground, ppl say I’m looking at things too simple.
It’s not the rain water being recycled… it’s climate change, and climate change only.
I have a lot of those things, that I question if things won’t become a problem, and then later on… tahdah.
I’m not an engineer or anything.
I would think ppl coming up with those plans would be specialists and engineers… but … I guess not.
You may like “The End of Your World” by Adyashanti
Or “The Most Important Thing” by him as well
He has a lot on this topic
I feel like this usually happens to me at night, in the mornings i feel too stressed and when it gets late i feel it.
Not sure of this is depression or something dissociation-related, have you ever dealt with something of that sorts?
Been going through this a lot lately. I’ts giving a mild indentity crisis, but I like the fact that I’m starting to explore new things and see the world from different angles.