I am in such a tough spot and I don’t know what to do. I’m genuinely at a loss. My partner has 2 kids from a previous relationship. They haven’t been together in 10 years. It’s still quite bitter on her part and it can be quite draining. The kids are 12 and 14 and overall great kids. However this isn’t the issue. This is just a bit of information on our family
We have been together 3 years and I love him dearly and our family. We have bought a house together and doing our best to provide our family with everything they need. We have been trying for a child now for over a year and it hasn’t happened. I have considered IVF if it doesn’t happen as I’m an IVF baby myself. Been in the UK if we want to go through IVF you can get it on the NHS however because my partner already has kids we’d have to pay and we’re not in a financial position to do so. I’m approaching 30 and I’m scared my time is up soon. My partner has made some choices in the past (steroids) which he hasn’t done for years but I know can cause issues with reproduction. The numerous negative pregnancy tests have us worried.
We haven’t been to the doctors yet, personally I’m just scared of what they’ll say. I think our very own child will complete our family. I don’t have kids of my own and I know a lot of people say “you have step kids” but it isn’t the same. I love them but they have their mum and I’m not here to try and take over. I think what scares me is how much I love our family but feeling very torn.
I’m scared because if I can’t have kids of my own I’m worried about staying with someone who has them. Listening to them calling someone else mum and never experiencing it, him becoming a grandparent and I may never get that, never hearing someone call me mum or experiencing all the special things that come with it.
I know this sounds selfish but I honestly feel heartbroken at the thought of it. I love this man more than anything but the thought of not experiencing something I’ve always wanted with someone who I’ve always wanted is tearing me apart. I just feel so lost. How do I deal with this?
Please be kind
TL;DR – my partner and I have been together 3 years. He has 2 kids and I don’t have any. I love them all dearly and we wanted to try for our own and have been doing so for over a year with numerous negative tests. Im finding it hard to cope with the thought I might not get to experience it especially with him already having two kids.