Oh, the tangled web we weave… especially when that web is spun from infidelity, abandonment, and a healthy dose of parental delusion. This, my friends, is a story about a man who ruined his own relationship with his daughter and then had the audacity to expect everyone else to clean up his mess.
Our narrator (32M) tells us about his wife’s older brother (45M). Let’s call him “Brother-in-Law” (BIL), and trust me, he earns that informal title. BIL has three kids: a 16-year-old daughter from his first marriage, and two younger kids with his second wife.
Now, for the backstory. BIL cheated on his first wife with his second wife. And then, after the inevitable divorce, he “somehow kept the house” and “kicked his ex and their daughter out.” Not just cheated, but then booted his own child from her home.
But wait, there’s more! He was a “horrible father” and “never really cared about the girl.” He didn’t even fight for custody; her mother got full custody. So, this man actively chose to abandon his child.
Fast forward a few years. His first daughter with his new wife is born, and suddenly, “he woke up and decided to be a dad.” Oh, how convenient. Now that he has a new family, he wants to play happy families with the old one. So he drags his ex-wife back to court for custody, gets every other weekend, and still has to pay child support.
His now-teen daughter, understandably, “hated him and his wife and never opened up to him.” She was always close to our narrator and his wife, which is a key detail here. Eventually, when she was 14, they went back to court because she “didn’t want anything to do with her dad.” The judge, respecting her wishes, gave her mom full custody. Our hero’s niece went “completely no contact” with her dad and his new family.
This 16-year-old girl, who has been abandoned and then half-heartedly pursued by her father, still loves her aunt (the narrator’s wife), her other aunt (sister-in-law), and her grandpa. And none of them “ever pushes her to talk to him.” Because they respect her choice.
Her 16th birthday rolls around. Her mom invites everyone to a party. And what does BIL do? He tries to get everyone to “talk to her to make up between them.” He comes to our narrator’s house, begging them to intervene.
And our narrator, a king, gives him the cold, hard truth: “he did that to himself and only has himself to blame.” BIL kept begging, but they told him they “wouldn’t betray her like that” and “basically kicked him out.” Every other family member gave him the exact same message. We love to see a united front.
They all had a great time at the party. The niece got lots of presents and was “really happy.” As she should be. Her dad, meanwhile, is “still crying oh poor him and is trying to guilt us into repairing their relationship.” He even came back over last night.
And our narrator, having had enough, “lost it at him.” He told him to “get a grip and lay in the bed he made and that he only has himself to blame here.” The BIL “actually started crying and left.”
His wife agrees with him, but thinks he was “too blunt and brutally honest.”
Is he the ahole? Absolutely not. N-T-A. This man destroyed his relationship with his daughter through a decade of sh!tty choices. He cheated. He kicked her out. He abandoned her. He only “woke up” when it was convenient for his new life.
His daughter is not a tool for his redemption arc. He needs to face the consequences of his actions. “Blunt and brutally honest” is exactly what a delusional ahole like him needs to hear. He made his bed; now he gets to cry in it, alone. And good for everyone in that family for not enabling his bullsh!t.