My girlfriend (16F) and me (16M) have known each other for the better part of 7 years, and been dating for 2. In the time i’ve had with her I’ve learnt a lot about how males interact with females. My gf is quite conventionally attractive and draws attention, though most of it is unwanted.
For some context, she has troubled family life, divorced parents with back and forth arguments from both sides and do not have a good relationship with either parents. However important to the story is that a major reason for their divorce is due to the father’s ongoing disturbing sexual activities.
Needless to say his friends are on the same league. My girlfriend has been dealing with many sexual comments from members of their family circle for ages. (She is not the confrontational type and chooses to internalise it). However, by far the worst offender is one of her dad’s closer friends (I’ll call E). Who has said and I quote “I’ve waited so long for you to turn 18 so I can take you out for drinks”, asked my girlfriend to cook him meals because “when you cook for me it’ll be delicious” (I am not in an English speaking country so these are paraphrases) among many other things. These are all said openly in front of her father, who does not give a flying fuck / encourages him and laughs along.
Ok, this specific night has kept me up and been on my mind a long time. It was way to specific and scared the shit out of me. It was a random weeknight and my girlfriend gets home (930pm) to find this friend E over for dinner. Unannounced. Then weird things start to happen, her dad cooks way too little food for a guest knowing he would be over, then suddenly having to leave the house for an appointment. Along with this, it’s a specific night where no other adult (his wife) would be home. This left my girlfriend alone in the house with E. Me being on call with her sensed the danger and immediately told her to lock her room and do not go outside. E stays in the house for 10 minutes, then begins to knock on her door to ask her to come out. He apparently wanted to take my girlfriend out for food at 10pm at night. Some things he says includes “Come on. It’ll just be the two of us”, and “I’ll treat you to something you’ll love” along with “get in my car together, we’ll find a nice place”. I obviously tell her to stay and that this is dangerous. Needless to say he would have probably graped her if she so much as stepped out of her room. Eventually, the knocking and talking turns to begging, then desperate banging and then straight up anger. We were scared out of our fucking nuts when he started knocking non stop and trying to force his way into her room.
called my mother to ask for advice, with my other phone still on call with my girlfriend. She tells me to tell her to threaten to call the police. Again, my girlfriend is not a confrontational person and has been making excuses not to step outside so far. The knocking is genuinely getting violent and desperate and I manage to convince her to call her dad and threaten to call the police. It took 2 calls to stop him form knocking, and then another for him to finally leave. What made it even more weird was we gave him 5 minutes to get his stuff and leave, I timed it. It took him exactly 4 minutes and 55 seconds to step out of the door.
From pure Instincts I tell her not to go outside still in case he simply open and shut the door and pretend to leave. And she waited for hours for her dad’s wife to get home.
Even though we have made it through that specific situation, my girlfriend is still stuck in this abusive life, and I have no idea how to help more that I already are. I am not a person that likes to lie down and let it happen. I know if I were her I would have opened my door and caved his head in with a hammer without a second thought. But she’s different. I’ve been really angry and it keeps coming up. Nor is this a something that can be casually brought up with my highschool friends. I’ve pissed on her dad’s toothbrush to make myself feel better.
So closing thoughts. Is this something that we should expect / is normalised in a teenage girls life? Is there really nothing more we / I can do? I just want thoughts from someone other than the people involved.
Comments
LGBT threw the doors open wide for the “minor-attracted community”, love is love, don’t be a hater boi
Let her move in with you?
Contact CPS, they have far more resources than you do. She’s old enough that she will likely have some say over where she lives without too much fuss. I’m sorry for you both
I’m so sorry that you and your girlfriend are going through this. No, this kind of behavior should NEVER be normalized in a child’s life.
This kind of behavior can be reported to child protective services. I’m unsure what country you live in, but I would talk to your girlfriend about this option. Leave the final decision to her, because it could potentially drastically change her home life. But never be afraid to call the police for her if you believe she’s in immediate danger. She could potentially file a police report about this E person’s threatening behavior. Even if the police don’t charge him with anything or act on it, it’s still very good to have this on record in case anything happens again to her or another child. He might already have a criminal history that prohibits him from being around children. You never know until you report to the authorities. You can also let trusted adults at your school know what’s been going on.
I know that it’s easy to feel powerless when you’re still a kid and can’t make a lot of decisions for yourself. Please remember that there is never any shame in contacting the authorities if your girlfriend is in immediate danger, no matter what anyone else says. She is incredibly lucky to have you, and you have very smart instincts. I only hope you don’t put too much pressure on yourself to protect her, when sometimes it is the responsibility of the authorities to do so.
I hope you and your girlfriend are able to remain safe for the next year or two until she’s able to escape her situation 🤍
Good God! You did exactly right by telling her to stay behind a locked door, BUT instead of threatening to call the police, I’d have recommended she actually call them, and not tell this pervert that she’s doing so.
Yes, it is something that all girls/women could potentially have to deal with. No, it is definitely NOT normal or something she should put up with.
You’ve got a big problem here. It definitely sounds like her Dad was aware of what would happen and helped to set it up. Does your girlfriend’s school have a counsellor or nurse? If so, tell that person what has happened and that you don’t know what to do. No nurse or counsellor? She should go to a trusted teacher or the principal and tell them what’s happening.
You’ll notice that I didn’t say to go to her stepmother. That’s because I don’t know what the stepmother is like or what her relationship with your girlfriend is like. She would probably go directly to the father and demand to know what’s going on, and then he gets defensive and lies and things get worse for your girlfriend… I’m not saying that would happen, just that I think it’s a big possibility, so it might be best to start by going to someone who isn’t directly involved.
If her school doesn’t have anyone she can tell, she could try talking to someone at a church, or a women’s shelter, a child protection organization, a doctor, a police station, or almost anywhere that will have a person of authority or that is in the business of taking care of others.
Now pay attention, because this is THE most important advice I can give: often, if someone looking for help tells a story like this, they will not be believed. Your girlfriend should expect that this might happen, and don’t be discouraged by it, just go to the next person and tell them. Then the next person, then the next person, then the next. No matter how. Any new people she has to go to, she needs to keep telling her story until SOMEONE believes her.
I don’t know how I didn’t think of this earlier, but can she tell YOUR parents what’s happening? I ask this because she needs to get out of that house, immediately. If she can tell your parents, maybe she can stay with you while this is being investigated. She shouldn’t tell the father or stepmother where she’ll be; just that she’s been invited to stay with some friends for a few days.
If she has any brothers or sisters, they might also be in danger, so when you tell someone what’s happening, make sure to also tell them that you have siblings that you’re worried about.
All the best to you, Bud. If you decide to update us on what’s happening, keep it vague. Say “she’s talking to someone” or “she’s staying with someone”, but don’t identify who; you don’t Dad or E to happen to see it and figure out where she is, etc.