>In a paper published in May, 32 young women were recruited from a large midwestern university in the US and separated into two groups – those who’d been strangled at least four times during sex in the last 30 days and those with no history of strangulation. (There were 15 from the former group and 17 in the second.) Blood was taken from all recruits. The samples from the women who’d been strangled showed elevated levels of S100B, a marker of brain damage.
I wasn’t aware of this. That is actually terrifying.
>If you accept what people will argue – that this is an activity that’s enjoyed because it’s ‘sensual’ – then why aren’t men the recipients more often?
Speaking as a guy who likes being choked, it’s probably because there aren’t many dom women. For a man to be the recipient of choking you need not just the desire, but also a willing partner. Why’s this research not looking at bi/gay men?
A lot of the article seems to lean heavily on Fiona Mackenzie’s PoV, which is very second wave terfy feminist. Seeing everything through the lens of male vs female. Forgetting that queer people exist and that people can consent to kink. Lauding the conservatives’ approach to porn and their law criminalising “extreme pornography”, despite it being a bad law that was too vague.
People doing judo also apply chokes and nobody is saying they can’t consent to that.
Also, the amount of women telling their experiences of violence being unceremoniously thrust upon them during intercourse is genuinely horrifying.
I think we might need to reconsider the idea that kink shaming is taboo… thoughts?
oh women and girls die or get harmed during sex bc men keep choking them? but what about my orgasms 🙁
is what a lot of you apologists sound like. this isn’t kink shaming or being grossed out. this is about saving lives and ensuring women and girls KNOW the dangers and we discuss WHY men and boys are doing this without consent. boo hoo if you get told off when you choke someone!! i don’t care!!
That’s a hard no from me. It hasn’t come up in my relationship, I don’t know how to do it, I don’t trust anybody to explain it safely, and what if the absolute wrong way to do it feels awesome for my spouse, so she doesn’t tap out?
I’m not shaming anybody for what they like in the sack, so long as it is consensual and as safe as it can be.
I’m kink shaming the men who have a strangulating kink. You don’t subject another person who can’t fight back to your kink. Most of these acts have happened to unsuspecting women who didn’t ask to be strangulated. If both people are consensual and careful, then the blood levels would never show signs of brain damage.
Super frustrating is that this is not new medical information. Dan Savage, sex positive and pro-kink, has been saying for at least 15 years, don’t ever choke anyone. There is no safe way to choke. And he’s had multiple guests confirming that message.
We live in an age where a huge chunk of men will not believe science, or facts, or women, if they contradict what he wants to do
It’s so common now (with zero notice whatsoever) that people don’t really see the issue. Hell, I had it happen to me and I hate strangling. There’s no communication anymore because mainstream porn makes it seem like another normal part of sex.
I wish people would stop mislabeling it as “choking”. It’s strangulation. Part of me feels that this mislabeling is purposeful to detract from how violent it actually is.
For those who don’t know the difference: to choke is when there’s something in the airway preventing you from breathing, usually food. Or small objects if it’s a toddler. So dislodging it from the throat is the priority.
Strangulation is when an outside force is putting pressure on the airway to prevent breathing, so hands, rope, etc. This would need to be pulled/cut off or removed from around the throat to help the victim breathe again.
Strangulation is an act of violence. Choking is usually an accident, when eating or drinking, though it could happen as violence if someone forced something into the victim’s throat for them to choke on.
Just a quick PSA for those who didn’t already know.
If you head over to male-dominated communities there’s a good amount of men who complain about their partners constantly asking to be choked/strangulated. In female ones, a lot of women share their own stories of non-consensual experiences too.
Porn and poor sex education is failing both genders.
God, reading this article made me reconsider what is wrong with me. I had a traumatic experience with a partner strangling me during sex to the point I couldn’t breathe. I wrote it off as he didn’t meant to until therapy untangled that. However, Im shamefully admitting that after that experience I seek that out in partners. Not necessarily the not breathing but I definitely like having a hand around my neck. Im so confused now!
This conversation seems to be conflating a lot of things that makes this very confusing to parse. On one hand, there is a sexual kink of choking that both men and women are into. Personally I have long felt it was a terrible idea in real life because strangulation is just killing someone, and this article is just further evidence that choking not only kills but even if someone doesn’t die they may be left with brain damage. On the other hand, this article and the comments are talking a lot about rape and sexual assault. Rape and sexual assault is wrong regardless of anyone choking someone. If someone chokes another person without consent that’s rape or at least sexual assault. That is different from the consensual act of a choking kink. I feel like two different conversations are being made into one conversation that is making the message confusing. We should be warning people that even in a consensual situation, choking can cause brain damage and possibly lead to death. There also has to be the ongoing conversation of making sure people understand that consent is incredibly important and that choking without prior consent is rape, just as any sex act without consent is rape. The conversation about rape and sexual assault applies to any sexual acts and is important regardless of the danger involved. There is a reason that actual BDSM communities have a constant stress on consent and its importance. Sadly, through porn and even media, like 50 Shades of Grey, people who are not taught about the importance of prior consent, safe words, safe practices, etc. are being introduced to sexual acts they are frankly unprepared for. I hope that people understand that the danger of choking is from the act itself and not the lack of consent.
I’ve always been someone who is just kinda into what my partner is into and am willing to try most (reasonable and safe) things that the other person wants to try. Choking has always been a major point of hesitance for me. I have always refused to do it with casual/first time partners, regardless of if they ask, and even with dedicated long-term partners, I’ve only done it briefly and with a lot of communication. I’ve just always been worried of something going wrong and having to try and get authorities to believe that it was a consensual/accidental thing.
I’ve never been more thankful to be old in my life. I’m 36 years old and I’ve been married for 10 years. If you had told me that 1/3 of my peers routinely engaged in this kind of sexual activity when I was single my eyes would have bulged out of my head.
Comments
Login here to leave a comment
From the article:
>In a paper published in May, 32 young women were recruited from a large midwestern university in the US and separated into two groups – those who’d been strangled at least four times during sex in the last 30 days and those with no history of strangulation. (There were 15 from the former group and 17 in the second.) Blood was taken from all recruits. The samples from the women who’d been strangled showed elevated levels of S100B, a marker of brain damage.
I wasn’t aware of this. That is actually terrifying.
>If you accept what people will argue – that this is an activity that’s enjoyed because it’s ‘sensual’ – then why aren’t men the recipients more often?
Speaking as a guy who likes being choked, it’s probably because there aren’t many dom women. For a man to be the recipient of choking you need not just the desire, but also a willing partner. Why’s this research not looking at bi/gay men?
A lot of the article seems to lean heavily on Fiona Mackenzie’s PoV, which is very second wave terfy feminist. Seeing everything through the lens of male vs female. Forgetting that queer people exist and that people can consent to kink. Lauding the conservatives’ approach to porn and their law criminalising “extreme pornography”, despite it being a bad law that was too vague.
People doing judo also apply chokes and nobody is saying they can’t consent to that.
This is news to me – thanks for the PSA.
Also, the amount of women telling their experiences of violence being unceremoniously thrust upon them during intercourse is genuinely horrifying.
I think we might need to reconsider the idea that kink shaming is taboo… thoughts?
I prefer a passionate grab. I like breathing.
oh women and girls die or get harmed during sex bc men keep choking them? but what about my orgasms 🙁
is what a lot of you apologists sound like. this isn’t kink shaming or being grossed out. this is about saving lives and ensuring women and girls KNOW the dangers and we discuss WHY men and boys are doing this without consent. boo hoo if you get told off when you choke someone!! i don’t care!!
That’s a hard no from me. It hasn’t come up in my relationship, I don’t know how to do it, I don’t trust anybody to explain it safely, and what if the absolute wrong way to do it feels awesome for my spouse, so she doesn’t tap out?
I’m not shaming anybody for what they like in the sack, so long as it is consensual and as safe as it can be.
I’m kink shaming the men who have a strangulating kink. You don’t subject another person who can’t fight back to your kink. Most of these acts have happened to unsuspecting women who didn’t ask to be strangulated. If both people are consensual and careful, then the blood levels would never show signs of brain damage.
Super frustrating is that this is not new medical information. Dan Savage, sex positive and pro-kink, has been saying for at least 15 years, don’t ever choke anyone. There is no safe way to choke. And he’s had multiple guests confirming that message.
We live in an age where a huge chunk of men will not believe science, or facts, or women, if they contradict what he wants to do
It’s so common now (with zero notice whatsoever) that people don’t really see the issue. Hell, I had it happen to me and I hate strangling. There’s no communication anymore because mainstream porn makes it seem like another normal part of sex.
I wish people would stop mislabeling it as “choking”. It’s strangulation. Part of me feels that this mislabeling is purposeful to detract from how violent it actually is.
For those who don’t know the difference: to choke is when there’s something in the airway preventing you from breathing, usually food. Or small objects if it’s a toddler. So dislodging it from the throat is the priority.
Strangulation is when an outside force is putting pressure on the airway to prevent breathing, so hands, rope, etc. This would need to be pulled/cut off or removed from around the throat to help the victim breathe again.
Strangulation is an act of violence. Choking is usually an accident, when eating or drinking, though it could happen as violence if someone forced something into the victim’s throat for them to choke on.
Just a quick PSA for those who didn’t already know.
I was choked during sex by an absolute creep. I won’t accept it ever again.
Why on earth would you let someone strangle / hurt you?
I don’t get it.
If you head over to male-dominated communities there’s a good amount of men who complain about their partners constantly asking to be choked/strangulated. In female ones, a lot of women share their own stories of non-consensual experiences too.
Porn and poor sex education is failing both genders.
Pornstars die earlier than most women. Wonder why 🤔
People learn it from porn. Gross.
God, reading this article made me reconsider what is wrong with me. I had a traumatic experience with a partner strangling me during sex to the point I couldn’t breathe. I wrote it off as he didn’t meant to until therapy untangled that. However, Im shamefully admitting that after that experience I seek that out in partners. Not necessarily the not breathing but I definitely like having a hand around my neck. Im so confused now!
This conversation seems to be conflating a lot of things that makes this very confusing to parse. On one hand, there is a sexual kink of choking that both men and women are into. Personally I have long felt it was a terrible idea in real life because strangulation is just killing someone, and this article is just further evidence that choking not only kills but even if someone doesn’t die they may be left with brain damage. On the other hand, this article and the comments are talking a lot about rape and sexual assault. Rape and sexual assault is wrong regardless of anyone choking someone. If someone chokes another person without consent that’s rape or at least sexual assault. That is different from the consensual act of a choking kink. I feel like two different conversations are being made into one conversation that is making the message confusing. We should be warning people that even in a consensual situation, choking can cause brain damage and possibly lead to death. There also has to be the ongoing conversation of making sure people understand that consent is incredibly important and that choking without prior consent is rape, just as any sex act without consent is rape. The conversation about rape and sexual assault applies to any sexual acts and is important regardless of the danger involved. There is a reason that actual BDSM communities have a constant stress on consent and its importance. Sadly, through porn and even media, like 50 Shades of Grey, people who are not taught about the importance of prior consent, safe words, safe practices, etc. are being introduced to sexual acts they are frankly unprepared for. I hope that people understand that the danger of choking is from the act itself and not the lack of consent.
I’ve always been someone who is just kinda into what my partner is into and am willing to try most (reasonable and safe) things that the other person wants to try. Choking has always been a major point of hesitance for me. I have always refused to do it with casual/first time partners, regardless of if they ask, and even with dedicated long-term partners, I’ve only done it briefly and with a lot of communication. I’ve just always been worried of something going wrong and having to try and get authorities to believe that it was a consensual/accidental thing.
I’ve never been more thankful to be old in my life. I’m 36 years old and I’ve been married for 10 years. If you had told me that 1/3 of my peers routinely engaged in this kind of sexual activity when I was single my eyes would have bulged out of my head.