I’m aware that prenups make little sense if you’ve got no inheritances, low income, no/little financial assets so in that case, don’t get a prenup.
Past that, I think prenups make total sense and there’s no reason to get upset about it. So many people think that its “starting the marriage thinking about the end of the marriage” and that “there’s doubt about whether it will last” when it’s really not. You wouldn’t plan to get into a car accident, right? That would be a nightmare. If it does somehow happen, you’d want to be protected. A prenup is essentially marriage insurance.
Plus, now is the best time to talk about it, when you’re actually in love. Imagine discussing what happens in the event of a split, AFTER the split… you would probably not be acting rationally at all. Also, if prenups are unfair, they won’t be held up in court anyway. They should be drafted with lawyers negotiating terms on behalf of their respective partner.
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If I wanted a prenup and my partner said no I would not marry them cause now I feel like I can’t trust them.
you can have no control over a car accident. no one accidentally cheats
To me it just seems counter to the whole idea of marriage. I’m going to promise to be with you forever, but want to protect myself in case that doesn’t work out. That just seems half in half out. If I can’t trust them, I wouldn’t marry them.
I have a house that’s in my name, and when my partner and I get married, yeah that’s at risk. But that’s part of combining our lives.
I think getting upset about a prenup is big enough of a red flag to break off an engagement. The only reason you wouldn’t want your partner to take care of themselves is if you intend to take advantage of them. A prenup isn’t one-sided. You can have your own lawyer look it over and negotiate the terms so it’s a mutually beneficial and fair agreement.
Circumstances may change over the course of a long marriage. That’s why we have courts, laws and mediators to help divide assets during a divorce.
I dunno, the girls I know that got prenuptial from wealthy husbands ended up screwed in life later on.
Sometimes I love my country, here separate property can only become marital property through a prenup, unless it’s stated that it cannot be converted to martial property in which case there’s basically no way to convert it and it can only be past down to children.
The world we live in dictates the value of having a prenup. Divorce rates are at an all time high, and many people are willing to lie for years to get what they want.
A prenup is just saying, I love you and want to spend my life with you. But, if by chance, you don’t, I should probably protect what I’ve worked my life for…
My feeling is that if one partner wants a prenup, they should pay for both lawyers (though the other partner should obviously do the hiring) That shows their genuine love and good will and a willingness to make sure the partner is not taken advantage of.
If my partner asked for a prenup I would just not marry them
I think everyone should have them if they have assets before the marriage, it is unfair how someone can take half of everything after a few months, especially when they had nothing to start with
A prenup is, by definition, planning for the failure of the marriage. And if you’re planning on the marriage failing why are you getting married, it’s a massive red flag imo
Getting a prenup is like saying all your marriage vows and declaring your sacrificial love for the other person, and then adding ” not really, jk” after that. Like getting married to someone but not REALLY getting married to them. They’re a backtrack to marriage ideals and set you up for divorce.
A lot of people misunderstand prenups. I think that’s a lot of the issues. A lot of people misunderstand divorce, alimony and child support as well.
“I owe 2/3 my paycheck in alimony!!” will often translate to “yeah it’s actually all child support for my children”
There’s also a lot of cases where people don’t understand divorce law and get screwed. Like I had this coworker who told a story about his brother. Brother inherited a house. Got married. Wife talked him into selling the inherited house and buying a bigger house for the family. Eventually they divorce. Now half the value of the home goes to the ex wife because a marital home is marital property whereas his inherited house would have remained his. If he had consulted a lawyer, the lawyer may have suggested he try renting the inherited house instead of selling.
My financial advisor told me this story from when he was young and dumb. His first wife had a trust fund. That was her money, she used, for herself, that predated the marriage. He fronted a lot of costs for them both, and lots of marital expenses ended up as credit card debt. They divorce. She keeps her trust, obviously, but they split the debt evenly.
Prenups are not always entirely enforceable and cannot waive child support.
As always, know your rights and know what would happen if you were to divorce. Talk to a lawyer.
I’m from a country where prenups are not very common (I doubt most people have even heard of them here)
I think that steams from the fact that if the marriage does break down then the law here is sufficient enough to treat both parties fairly and equally. So there isn’t really a need for a prenup.
Obviously everyone’s circumstances are different. If one member of the couple is vastly more wealthy than the other then I can understand them wanting a prenup to protect their assets.
But maybe this is another reason why prenups aren’t popular here. Because it suggests there is inequality in the couple. The wealthier one is protecting themselves against their less wealthier partner. It’s an uncomfortable conversation to have at the time when you are planning your marriage together.
Both people are planning for the break up tbh, if your partner has less resources they want some of yours in the split
Should you get it even if you have low amounts of money so they know how to split up the debt?
I didn’t always see pre-nups for what they are, protection from each other and yourself. Many years ago I saw it as offensive and the worst thing to have asked ;of you.
Then I had to fight to divorce an abusive husband who tried to bully me into selling my home (purchased before we were married, or even living together, paid almost all cash.
I see now that a pre-nup would have protected my home, my super, my money, the things I brought to the table before marriage from him, and vice versa.
Not everyone sees it that way, which is why my brother and I started family trust after his wife died in January. Now a pre-nup doesn’t need to be brought up if either of us were to marry again, because the trust holds all assets. It’s not about cheating, or planning for the end of relationship before it’s gotten started. It’s about protecting yourself from yourself down the line.
So, wholeheartedly agree with you OP 👍
Marriage is a completely outdated institution and prenups just make that very obvious.
i mean i would never sign a prenup or make someone sign a prenup because i feel like it shows you don’t trust them or you think the relationship is going to fail, but i get what you’re saying
The only valid reason I can think of is those dudes that want a trad wife with no bank account, no assets, no nothing, but then want to get a prenup and keep everything.
There is a much better solution to pre-nups, especially for wealthy men.
It’s called a No-nup!
Pre-nups should really be looked at as the first test in how to resolve conflict. What does the couple agree on, or disagree? How deep is the divide? How do you close that gap? What are we coming into this marriage with and what should be considered equitable, and what isn’t? If you can’t have that conversation now, you’ll be ill-equipped when the inevitable more serious conversations come, which they always will in marriages. Also, outlining how to dissolve the marriage can take a lot of heat off the process if you have to undergo it. The anxiety of divorce ideation can prevent a lot of couples from discussing it, and in turn, drive people to the decision they have to get divorced, and spring it on their partner, rather than having adult conversations about the state of the marriage and how to strengthen it, if that’s what both parties want.
Take my downvote, I agree. Prenups, when drafted and reviewed appropriately by lawyers, are actually usually quite fair. You walk away with whatever you had when you walked in, should the undesirable outcome occur, and divide the assets made during the marriage fairly. If you both walk in with nothing or next to nothing, they’re kind of a waste of time and money, though. You’ve got nothing really to protect. I don’t think they should be standard procedure for everyone, but if you come from any sort of wealth, or have built any before the relationship, it makes perfect sense to have one.
I think it’s an absolute must that the conversation be open and respectful. I also think many people view it as having one foot out the door.
It’s one thing to say that people should have a prenup in case something happens to make sure things go properly and don’t get messy. Hell, even the comparison to car insurance for the sake of insisting that no one could ever ever find fault with it makes it obvious. You get car insurance because you know you or someone else might fuck up in the future.
Now tell your partner that you know you or they might fuck up in the future so you want to get a prenup to protect yourself from them.
Prenups should genuinely be as required as the marriage license
God forbid we ever divorce but if we do he can have all of my nothing 😀
How about getting upset over a postnup because your partner fell into an inheritance shortly after being married? For example, your uncle died traveling back from your wedding and left you $2M in his will.
So you just got dumped yeah?
Think it really should only an issue when it it’s sprung on a person kind last minute.
Like not bringing it during dating or the engagement Until everything Is booked and your a week out an will lose a ton of money if you cancel now.
It screams of I’m trying to manipulate you instead of having a adult conversation.
Hmmm an unpopular opinion that all top comments agree with
They seem expensive af, that’s the primary reason I’m dreading it. Both of us talked about it, but man I hate lawyers and how every system in this country is designed to bleed me dry.
Prenup is fine, as long as both sides have their own independent lawyers.
This is an incredibly American view because your entire culture is obsessed with money and wealth above all else.
A prenup is important, regardless of the other person’s situation. It’s something that should be discussed before committing to something
I live in a country where prenups don’t really hold up legally, so a lot of celebrities and public figures just end up not getting married at all.
Absolutely. I tell everybody to get a prenup if for no other reason than it reduces arguing when everybody is angry. It makes the situation very clear and if somebody feels like the situation is untenable they can bail or modify it in lieu of divorce. It’s great when people love each other, but the law doesn’t care about love. The law sees it like an estate that needs to be dissolved equitably, similar to dying without a will. A prenup is a will for your marriage.
I mean this very mich depends on what is in the prenup, doesn’t it? But if I’m marrying a man and he expects me to have a child with him, risk my life and my long-term health for that, take the hit to my earning and career, change my body forever, etc, etc. and then leaves himself the option to just bounce and marry a new woman who’a ten years younger than me when he decides to without any consequences or support for me… yeah, that guy can absolutely get fucked.
As someone who isn’t against prenups, I think your car accident example is a little weak. Nobody assumes they will cause an accident. They insure themselves to protect against the millions of strangers they share the road with.
A prenup is similar, except you’re protecting yourself against the one other person in the marriage with you. I can totally see how that comes off like you don’t trust them, because you kinda don’t. You insure your car against other motorists. You ensure your marriage against your spouse.
I’m a pretty logic-driven person, so I probably wouldn’t marry someone that doesn’t share my mindset of “As much as we love each other and want this to last forever, so does literally every other marriage. Shit happens and we can’t predict the future, so what’s the harm in covering our asses when there’s no drawbacks to doing so?”
Reddit gets so worked up about this.
Prenuptial agreements are most relevant when one, or both, parties come into the marriage with significant assets and/or children.
Otherwise, all assets and property obtained over the course of marriage will be divided evenly (mostly) in the event of a divorce. And should obviously be the case.
I don’t really believe in prenups. At this point I make more money and have probably put more money into our joint assets if we divorced now I do think it would be fair for him to have half even if I have technically paid in more. He made more money for most of our relationship and during the time that he had contributed more I would have felt perfectly entitled to take half because that’s what marriage is. It is agreeing to build a life together, it is deciding to share your material assets jointly. If you don’t want the implications of marriage then you shouldn’t get married.
Also not for nothing but a lot if prenups are pretty unfair. People complain about them being tossed out but it is incredibly hard to get a fair prenup tossed. The ones that are invalidated are often completely insane and have outrageous conditions that may even be illegal.
A lot of people don’t understand in most countries with a robust legal framework you always have a prenuptial agreement decided by the government. It’s almost always in the interest of both parties to make their own, otherwise the existing one size fits all one is what you get.
I think being in a marriage with a prenup shows a stronger sign of love.
It makes it easier to leave at any time, but you choose to stay with your partner anyways.
If you don’t have a prenup, it could negatively affect you financially if you decide to leave, or force you to stay in a bad marriage.