It’s never made sense to me why some women get so incensed when a platonic friend expresses a romantic interest.
I’ve heard several times from couples that have been together a long time say they started off as friends first.
So why is it some women feel like it’s some kind of mega betrayal that a male friend shows romantic interest in them?
Almost all of my past relationships started off as friendships.
‘All this time you just wanted to sleep with me’
Well yeah, when you are romantically interested in someone wanting to sleep with them is almost always part of that interest. It doesn’t mean that that’s the only thing that the guy wants.
If you are attracted to someone you will attracted to them in many different ways. Sexual attraction is one of those ways.
You’re not a ‘bad friend’ for feeling romantically interested.
There is an argument about HOW you go about it for sure. But ultimately a lot of relationships are forged out of a solid friendship base
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To me the people that are weird are the ones that consider getting in a relationship with people that they wouldn’t consider being friends with.
The ones who keep pushing and don’t listen to no are the problem ones
I think this opinion gets a bit mixed up sometimes…
Speaking for myself, if a guy who’s my friend finds me attractive and is romantically interested buuuut treats me as a friend first and doesn’t ditch me the moment he realises I’m not interested/respects my wishes etc. I don’t see it as a betrayal. I see it as being human.
The ones who are a betrayal, are the ones who leave the moment they realise it won’t turn into something more than friends.
Don’t be ridiculous. Non friends and enemies only,
There are a lot of things wrong with it. If you stay in that friendship as a friend, you should assume that you want to stay as such and let those feeling fade. Otherwise, declare your feelings and just accept the outcome. Staying in a friendship like a vulture waiting for something to happen is weird in my opinion.
I felt like this 5 times so far so I’ll try to explain it with an example out of my personal life.
In my head this guy was one of my closest friends maybe even my best friend. He knew everything about me the good and the bad we’ve known each other for years and I honestly couldn’t imagine my life without him but in a primarily platonic way. (There was a short time frame during the pandemic when I was in therapy and my therapist asked me why I have never been in a relationship or dated someone and my response was that I never felt like what I was reading in the books. She the explained to me that love doesn’t necessarily feel that way and just to think about it. And I then came to a brief conclusion that I might be in love with him. Now years later I can confidently say that wasn’t the case)
When I met someone and started dating he just disappeared out of my life. Completely ghosted me without a warning and ignored all of my messages. When I then broke up with the guy he immediately reappeared and tried to sleep with me the first time we met up and when I said no guess what he ghosted me again. Then he came back into my life and thinks went back to normal (at this point totally my fault I should have known better by then) till I moved away for my masters and you already guessed it he stopped talking to me immediately and that hurt more than my breakup.
As you said developing feelings itself is ok if you are honest about it and can accept that the other person might not feel that way. But at least in my experience this usually doesn’t happen. What usually happens is that someone you thought of as a platonic friend suddenly tries to kiss you while trying to take your clothes off and that’s the disappointing part. It doesn’t feel like this person developed feelings over the years but more like this person waited for the opportunity to sleep with me. And that hurts.
Because if you’re not interested, you can never be sure he’s actually ok being friends with you or just waiting when you change your mind. Most often, it’s the latter. And they mistake confiding in them as becoming romantically close. Then try to kiss you again a year later.
And if you are interested, you try being together and break up, you lose a friend you could’ve had your whole life. May also split your friends group too, because you don’t want to spend time together anymore.
Many Women aren’t usually upset about men having feelings for them. Many women get uncomfortable with how some men choose to go navigate those feelings.