Like, if it’s inappropriate just keep it to yourself. People act like it’s a given you can’t be friends if attraction arises, but it’s not.
Lots of people are hot. It’s easy to control yourself. Easy to not kiss, not fuck someone and not ask them out and to keep your eyes off their butt.
Like what, I gotta alienate every woman I think looks good? No…
It’s just a feeling, you can’t control your inner feelings so no reason to feel shame. You can control your actions. And feeling attraction is not the same as wanting to date or cheat.
People say you can’t be friends because attraction might arise, but just ignore it.
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yeah this is definitely an unpopular opinion
I agree. Nothing wrong with looking but taking action is what crosses the line.
Or if you look to much or do to much you gotta be a afult and know when to walk away
I agree 100% it’s fine to be attracted but you can control your actions.
Bro my boss isn’t one of my friends, but she’s one of the most desirable women I’ve encountered in the last 10 years. It’s just one of those things
#So no one told you life was gonna be this way#
People dont know how to be normal so they never leave it there
I mean, I was attracted to my friend, we have now been together for 12 years and she is my best friend and wife now. Worked out good for me.
wait what? how are you supposed to get into a relationship with someone if you don’t become their friend first?
Attracted; no, entertaining the attraction and fantasizing a about them: yes.
I mean, if you’re attracted to someone then I’m sorry but you’re not in the friend zone. Oh friends with benefits exists I take it back
Had a partner try to convince me that the mark of true friendship was fucking your friends and staying friends after because you valued the friendship. I would retort the mark of true friendship would be to not, for the exact same reason.
I agree. I have many beautiful friends and I recognize that they’re gorgeous or handsome. Doesn’t mean I have a crush.
You surrounded yourself with things that please you.
So true people over-read into everything.
“You can’t control your inner feelings” umm yes you can, this is such a strange post LOL
Not sure if we’re on the same page. I can surely say if a friend is attractive and can have a fantasy body type I’d like to have sex with but don’t think I can ever see myself actually doing that or date.
Especially if it’s a friends/family member’s partner or just generally a close friend.
It’s all about controlling yourself.
I find it more mature and badass to admit that someone is totally fuckable but you’re cool not doing it 🤷♂️ Rather than be fixated on some rules about attraction, admit you can find someone attractive.
Completely agree. It’s weird how little self control people have. And how everyone thinks that by having a feeling, they must pursue or express it.
Absolutely. The problem arises when you can’t keep it to yourself.
My male friend just ruined our friendship because of this. You can’t take things back once you’ve said them
Its easy to feel that way if you’re regularly haveing your needs of intimacy and closeness fulfilled elsewhere. But if you’re the type that struggles with that, and most of the friends you’re around, let alone the ones you’re attracted to. Don’t seem to have any problems fulfilling their closeness and intimacy needs. The it can be quite mentally painfull and lead to intense feelings of inadequacy and want. And that will eventually make it hard to be around your friends when all being around them does it make you feel lonely and inadequate.
i was friends with my husband when we first met, so, having mLe friends could possibly be a problem, in the future, but, the good news, is, our marriage was always based on friendship first and, makes a mairrzge good because we were so honest with each other in the beginning, but, i wasn’t married or with anyone else at the time, and, it was ok to fall in love with each other. we were both unattached
It use to make me uncomfortable when a guy I only liked as a friend was clearly attracted to me, but now I’m almost 30 and I’ve pretty much stopped caring. Like as long as they aren’t weird about it, it’s not a huge deal. I just avoid doing anything that could be considered flirting, most guys aren’t going to make a move if they don’t get any positive signals.
Now, there ARE guys who can’t seem to treat women they’re attracted to as regular people. They’ll push and prod and cross boundaries. But those guys aren’t your friend.
I’m absolutely in love with my best friend. They don’t know it, possibly never will either. Maybe, who knows. But we still have a fantastic time together and that thought isn’t always in the forefront of my mind when we’re together (sometimes it happens but I can shake it). I guess mine is emotional and physical attraction so maybe it doesn’t apply here.
We’re friends, and we’re very important to each other in that way.
I agree, though it can be harder for some than others.
Finding someone attractive and being attracted to them are 2 very different things and it’s a major pet peeve of mine that folks conflate the two, because I’ll hear shit like “it’s normal for men to be attracted to other women when they’re married/ partnered up.” No…. It’s normal to notice that others are attractive… it’s different to be attracted to them…
To be attracted to someone is to want to be with them… I deliberately choose not to have male friends anymore because yea it was hella fucked up to find out they weren’t actually my friend, they were being a “friend” under the false pretense of hoping we’d be together… it’s one thing to be friends… and things just happen to grow, but being attracted to a woman and going into the friendship knowing you’re attracted to them while she believes she truly had a genuine friend? No. Pretty sad that men devalue women outside of being a hole to fuck. Men don’t value friendships with women
Im no longer friends with men because I’ve been hurt on more than one occasion thinking I had a genuine friend… when he found out I wasn’t interested… he bounced. Was never my friend. Being fuckzoned hurts… as a woman I never was attracted to any of my male friends…
With the exception of a guy I was friends with when we were both ELEVEN and as we got older we both developed feelings for each other but I think that dynamic is less common/ more rare…
Nothing worse than a fake friend.
Not an unpopular opinion, a pretty common thing that women experience in friendships with males… men don’t see capable of friendships with women (those who are are rare) nor comfortable having a “friend” sexualize me(I’ll take my downvotes… just have a feeling I’m the improper one here because it’s so normalized that men are “friendzone” . No you weren’t a friend period.
It’s okay if you think your friends are attractive, but if you have feelings for your friend you should address that before it jeopardizes your friendship
Here’s a real unpopular opinion. Men and women cannot be close friends long term. Unless one of them is either fat or ugly or both. Even then; the unattractive one will fall in feelings with the attractive one whether they will admit it or not. Humans are animals with instincts just like any other animal.
Here’s another one: the attractive one can and will use the unattractive friend as a buffer against those they want to avoid. They will use them for attention when they want it.
There is nothing wrong with thinking a friend is attractive. Developing feelings might be a problem tho, especially if they are not mutual.
I’m with you honestly, Ill do you one better and say if your good friends you can discuss that attraction without it ruining your relationship…
Fully agree. It’s called self control and emotional maturity.
But I get the sense most people just aren’t operating like that in the world and it confuses me. Like… why can’t you humanize someone and respect their autonomy enough to be friends just because they are attractive?
I wonder if people can’t just kind of let it go? Giving up is a very powerful skill in some cases. You just reframe the relationship mentally and don’t expect things that won’t happen to happen.
This is why it’s so telling to me. Don’t project shit on to me. Anyone who talks like that and guilts you for having friends of the opposite gender and there are no lines crossed thinks you will do this or that because that is something they fight constantly within themselves. I have never had an issue. I never blur the lines and I do lot play mind games. I have had plenty of friends and this has never been an issue. Yes, I will end up finding out that she friends had feels but they did not go with it, they loved me enough to respond me and keep me in their lives and be close friends. Feelings are over come and no one goes out of their way to push boundaries. It’s really that simple. I have never put myself in a situation to be questioned or get the wrong impression. Because to me that’s very important as well, I’m not giving anyone ammo to use against me when I have done nothing wrong.
I don’t befriend people that I want to sleep with 🤷🏾♂️
My friends (men and women) are all cute AF. And they’ve been cute AF the whole decades I’ve known them. That’s why I love gassing them up cus they deserve to feel that way.
The reason we’re all friends instead of partners or ex’s or flings is cus we all know we’d be terrible for eachother and in the end we wouldn’t be in eachothers lives anymore and that would be depressing as hell.
Does being straight somehow prevent people from having self control and drive people to ruin their lives or something? You can find people attractive without actively wanting or trying to sleep with them…
Agree. Not only that, it’s not bad to try it out as long as you are being considerate to the other person. If both persons involved are mature enough is something that can be handled.
I’m happily married and we have many attractive friends. Doesn’t mean either of us are going to fuck them.
I mean, there’s nothing inherently wrong with a lot of things that have the potential to backfire. But acting like you aren’t putting yourself in a situation that could potentially do a lot of harm, especially if you or your friend has a partner, is naive. Believe it or not, but self control fails even for the best of us sometimes.
Attractive covers a fair range. I suspect it’s more when it gets to the ‘can’t stop looking’ end that the problems are more likely to start. There’s not acting on it and there’s ‘having difficulty hiding it’.
If you are friends with someone because you want a relationship with them it is wrong. It is actually fooling yourself to be around someone you like without risking rejection.
If neither of you wants something else, then there is nothing wrong with it. But at least 90% of the time someone is interested in something more than friendship.
It’s probably a good thing to tell a female friend that your attracted to her, you could end up as FWB, or most likely, she’ll end your friendship. It would be for the better that way you can quit wasting attention, labor, resources on her and gain a little self respect.
Might sound harsh but simping needs to end, men need to value themselves again.
This isn’t surprising a man wrote this ☠️
lol anyways I hear your point… it’s valid.
However I feel like a lot of people always label people on an attraction level which is weird to me instead of just …. Analyzing they are human. Like I’m not sitting here boasting about how hot my friends are ☠️☠️☠️ They are just my friends. You guys always CRAVE the NEED to point out the fact ur attracted to other people. Like okay congrats? ☠️ Do you want a cookie sir? 🤣
Anytime I see a man post about being attracted to other people while with someone yall sound like a baby throwing a tantrum ☠️ “WHY CANT I LOOK WHY CANT I BE ATTRACTED TO SOMEONE ELSE TOO WHY CANT I….” Or just quiet down. Keep it to yourself. And move on? ☠️
I don’t think about attraction level with friends … it just doesn’t cross my mind unless I’m actually pursuing the person. But I guess men are diff idk ☠️
No disrespect but I disagree, I rather not keep friends around I find attractive, if I end up meeting someone I love and want a serious relationship with, I’m not about to keep a friend around that I secretly like or find attractive. It’s disrespectful to the person I’m dating. Which is why I refuse to have female friends, rather I like them or not is irrelevant. It just opens up a door for unnecessary drama for future relationships.
I think not telling them makes the friendship dishonest. It takes their choice/consent away- whether they feel comfortable continuing the relationship or not.
Adults control who they fall in love with (that old pop counting crows song is wrong) by choosing which relationships they both nurture and allow to progress, it’s a very conscious effort.
Initial or fleeting attraction isn’t a controlled thing – at least I, personally don’t feel that I’m in control of who I feel raw attraction towards. But it’s who you give your “bandwidth” to, so to speak; the relations we nurture only move to romance/sex with intention, so there’s zero wrong with the attraction happening and everything wrong with engaging it (unless both are single and into it ofc, but not if it wrecks a relationship/family).
If this attraction doesn’t “resolve” (meaning remain trivial and/or “ignorable”), if it crosses over into anything overly intrusive or obsessive…well you’ve got some self-examination to do, and should limit contact wherever possible while you fearlessly examine your real feelings, real motivations vs the ones you tell yourself and your friends/gf/wife/husband, and true overall intentions.
If you do this, you’ll never ruin your own life and then only have some loser shit to say for yourself like “I don’t know how, it just happened” 😂
You can be friends and still feel attracted to them. Self control is a superpower in these cases lol
I get your point but still completely disagree –
It’s normal to feel attraction to certain people but this doesn’t work with friends because you’re essentially lying to them…
You’re going along with the friends only thing while secretly thinking otherwise… the likely hood is, if you really saw them as a friend and weren’t physically attracted to them you probably wouldn’t make half as much of an effort to contact or spend time with them…
It’s quite deceitful – I’ve been through this with a guy I mistakenly thought was my best friend in the world growing up, but as soon as he made his intentions clear and I wanted to stay just friends he dropped me – he never spoke to me again – it hurt because I’d lost who I thought was my best friend but then realised he never had much interest in being my friend
I don’t think this is an unpopular opinion seeing as the majority agree with you, including me.
Most people have a great amount of self control and yes, you’ll encounter hot people all the time and even those that will flirt
But a persons character is rooted in their actions. You have the power to not cheat and to be a supportive partner
You can’t control who you think is hot 🤷♂️
This comes off as things you didn’t get to say while arguing with your gf tonight
My friends are cool, funny, great listeners, have shown that they’re there for me, are fun to hang out with no matter if it’s a big event or just chilling in someone’s house, and I think they’re wonderful and admirable people. I would be mad if I wasn’t at least at little attracted to them