I (23F) am seeing a guy (22M) just having fun with each other dates and sex. He is still learning my body (not our first time having sex) but last night I asked him to choke me while he was trying to finish me. He choked me and the quickly slapped me across the face. Then he did it again not hard per se but harder than the first time it definitely made a small smack sound. I was so shocked but by the second time i came to reality and caught his hand before he could slap me again. I told him I didn’t like it and tried to keep going but immediately was turned off and felt emotional and scared. In reality I know his character and that he wouldn’t hurt me on purpose I think it was a thoughtless move from him. But I went into the bathroom and cried and felt so sad and I really just wanted a hug and a big apology but I went back into my bedroom and played it off and was like let’s just watch tv and sat on my side of the bed. Shortly after we talked about it and he apologized. It really just made me feel alone in that moment. Even though he’s not a boyfriend and doesn’t owe me anything I feel I deserve to feel nurtured as a woman I find it hard to orgasm without soft touch, intention and care. Now we have talked more about what I need. he said after our talk “you like to make love before you fuck” which is right but is scary because I’m afraid to love someone again. I didn’t realize I needed that until this experience. Then later he was really gentle whispered nice things in my ear and I was able to finish. He defiantly made up for it. This situation has me thinking a lot.
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Oh dear… it’s a tricky situation. That slap felt wrong, didn’t it? He’s probably not thinking about the best thing to do. It’s important to establish boundaries, and hearing that you didn’t like it, and him apologizing is good, a first step anyway. It just shows he cares, and hopefully, he’s listening. He’s learning, I suppose, which is something. I think maybe a little… something sensual could help you both reconnect. Maybe a massage, or just really slow touches, and whisper sweet nothings? Because, honestly, those little touches matter so much, yeah? Perhaps you could suggest a little bit of roleplay to get things moving? Because if you’re thinking about it, so is he. And you know, you deserve to feel cherished and appreciated. Really. And maybe… a little bit of playful teasing, too. Because that feels good, right?
Before I get into anything else, it’s his fault because he did something you didn’t ask for.
However, there isn’t much of a leap between choking and slapping imo (I might be wrong I’m not too well versed in that) and to me it sounds like a heat of the moment kinda thing.
Again he’s still in the wrong and did something of his own accord, but like you said it is out of character for him and it sounds like you trust them.
To me, it sounds like he was too eager to get to the next stage in whatever relationship you two have planned, and stupidly took the initiative without thinking. If you want to keep seeing him you should set hard boundaries about what kinda things you do and don’t like in the bedroom, that’s not to put blame on you but for you to know that you have set them and him breaking that would be entirely on his part selfishly. Also it wouldn’t be wrong if you don’t want to continue seeing him, don’t feel guilty if that’s what you’re thinking
Follow your gut! From my gut to yours. NO MAN with a good heart puts his hands on a woman. Hugs
Porn has done this to most men. Wanting to be treated like a person during sex is normal. It can feel incredibly dehumanizing to experience this when you aren’t prepared. As long as he understands why it was wrong to take that jump without your consent, hopefully he won’t do it again