I work in a very small company (fewer than 20 employees) and the owner/boss is a long time friend who I then started working for (friend first). We have a problematic person at work. Boundary stomper, disrespectful, etc. Kind of like our JNMIL’s.
I have told boss for years to get rid of him. I have instituted my own boundaries – purposely delay responding, ignore unreasonable emails, grey rock, etc.
Boss’s wife, who I am friends with also, is the way I used to be – “understanding”, turn the other cheek, we need to have sympathy for him bc he has problems, etc. Needless to say her advice to boss has delayed the inevitable and just enabled bad behavior.
This week problematic person took it way, way too far. Boss reached his limit and fired him. Boss later apologized to me (to his credit) for taking so long to solve the problem.
Problem person reminds me a lot of my JNMIL. My response to the boss was “the one thing my MIL taught me is that I don’t have tolerate abuse. You don’t either.”
I used to think the best thing she taught me is what kind of parent and MIL I DIDN’T want to be. Now I am realizing the best thing she taught me is that I found my spine.
Thanks, MIL? I guess? I will never tolerate that crap again.
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Same! I now know how to recognize toxic behavior and the best way to respond. I peace out of those kind of situations so fast!
My sister is very very similar to my MIL. I was able to see my MIL for who she was fairly early on because I recognized the patterns. I can handle my sister a lot rougher that I was able to handle my MIL because she is my sister, though. I finally stopped putting up with my MIL when I had my first child and I’ve learned exactly how to manage my relationship with my sister without falling for the triangulation and pressure from flying monkeys.
I wish things were not as they are with my MIL, but I have been forced to grow up and learn how to set boundaries and protect myself better from literally everyone. It’s a valuable life skill.