For everyone who’s been single for way too long or never had a relationship here’s a BINGO of the most common (and sometimes infuriating) things people say to “help.” Add the ones you’ve heard too.
✅ Just work on yourself
✅ It will happen when you least expect it
✅ You’re too picky
✅ Focus on your hobbies/passions
✅ Love yourself first
✅ You have to be happy alone before you’re happy with someone
✅ Maybe it’s just not your time yet
✅ You’re still young
✅ There’s someone out there for everyone
✅ You’ll find them when you stop looking
✅ Everything happens for a reason
✅ Have you tried dating apps?
✅ Maybe you’re trying too hard
✅ Just be confident
✅ Looks don’t matter, personality does
✅ Someone will love you for who you are
✅ You’re lucky you don’t have to deal with relationship drama
✅ You’ll meet the right one eventually
✅ Try putting yourself out there more
✅ Stop chasing, let them come to you
Honestly, it’s like hearing the same recycled playlist on loop. Which ones have you heard? Which ones hit a nerve?
Comments
I’ve heard of them all and all of them have struck a nerve in one way or another. lol.
Some of these are actually reasonable and foremost some of them make sense. Living self-sufficient life before actually bringing a partner in your life is the way to go in order to not being clingy and dependent. That person can’t be there for you 24/7 so firstly you gotta manage your own baggage before starting to go for relationships
You’re missing “just take a shower and wash your ass”
,I know a 5,1 balding guy that slays victorias supermodels
Damn this is so good I’m gonna frame it. Just so all of you know don’t take relationships advice from reddit.
Well, what else can you expect from people on the internet who never met you in person? Nobody IRL ever told me anything like that because they know how bad my looks are so they know I’m very likely to stay single forever (my parents literally told my younger cousin to get a gf before he goes bald (runs in the family) or he’ll end up single like me :))
People say this because there’s no single, clear-cut way to explain how to get into a relationship. Relationships aren’t black and white they involve many factors that come together in different ways for different people.
You forgot lower your standards
I just never understood people who are always single because back when I slept on a futon with bed bugs I still got laid. If you want to date people then you can just go do it, nobody will stop you.
Honestly it really comes down to chance, you can do all of those things and not meet someone and you can only do some of those things and meet someone
You gotta love the whole “just find a hobby and you’ll find them” but it has to be a hobby where you meet people. And it has to be a hobby that (insert opposite sex) participates in. And you don’t do it to make yourself more interesting it has to be something you want to do. And it can’t be to find (insert opposite sex) even if I’m giving you this advice in response to you needing to find a partner. And you shouldn’t hit on the (insert opposite sex) it should form naturally.
Like what the fuck you may as well just tell me to live life at that point and whatever happens happens
Literally the only 2 hobbies I do exclusively because I like to do them are playing videogames and making excel sheets about video games. Everything else I do to serve one of those goals (make myself more interesting, put myself out there, and or meet women)
“Nobody owes you anything”
“I know a short ugly dude that has a supermodel babe, what’s your excuse?”
The “looks don’t matter, personality does” might be true… I don’t have much of either, so that wouldn’t help. As for dating apps, well, I think I’ll only ever be interested in dating women. And “trying too hard”? Getting the slightest attention, as opposed to none at all? What choice do I have?!
“It’s a numbers game” meaning date more people. Except I can’t get a date to begin with.
Lot of that is right though in a way. If you’re sitting around focused on how being single sucks youll be miserable. But if youre focused on yourself time passes faster and it’s more attractive and natural to meet someone. Same isnt true for young attractive women, but the rest of us have to accept it.
As someone who was single for nearly 20 years before I found my partner at age 38, I can tell you that people say these kinds of things because they don’t want to face the terrifying reality that them finding their partner was a totally random stroke of luck and could just as easily not have happened.
There is NO rhyme or reason to it. You just get lucky and find someone you want to spend your life with, or you don’t. There’s almost nothing you can do to influence it besides having good hygiene and not being a recluse.
People don’t want to acknowledge that they got the best thing in their life by random chance—because that means random chance could take it all away again.
Only thing missing:”every man/woman/diverse would be happy to be with you! Well maybe not me – or one of my friends – but the whole rest of the world”
I get that it’s frustrating, but what if you know the people saying it mean well? Or is it that those things are being said unsolicitedly? What are they supposed to say instead
If it’s consistently coming from people in relationships then maybe they have a point
The thing is it’s one of those things. It’s your own responsibility to find a partner. Nobody else can really do much about it except try and be supportive. Would you rather they say “listen mate it’s been three years. Don’t you think you should just give it up?”
A lot of those things are pretty good general tips for life. No they aren’t earth shattering or anything insightful but they are the kind of things people forget when they are laser focused on finding a relationship and letting other things slide
As a widow who has been single for nine years I’ve heard every single one. If it was a drinking game I’d be tanked before noon.
Which ones have I heard? All.
Which one strike a nerve? None anymore. All feelings disappear as soon as I hear one of those.
How did you meet?
“Clean your room”
Some of these are dumb, and others are said because they’re largely true.
Sometimes you actually do need to work on yourself, instead of, for instance, complaining on Reddit.
It often does happen when you least expect it. Dating apps go nowhere and then you run into someone at the supermarket. It happens.
Often people are actually too picky.
If you’re unhappy alone, being in a relationship won’t magically solve your problems.
Etc.
What about all the different attachment styles it has when it comes to dating? Being avoidant, or anxiously attached. Or how bout the classic narcissist?
I hate hearing “you don’t need a relationship to be happy!” I know that, but I would still like to have one!
I also get told how great I am a lot, but only by people who aren’t in the dating pool at all.
Just work on yourself
– You should work on yourself. A growth mindset is crucial, for life, and somewhat for dating. Understand you’re not fully baked until you die. YOu’re not going to be the same person at 30 as you are at 20, but a growth mindset will let you take the most advantage of the changes in your life and enrich your experience an character.
It will happen when you least expect it
– This is tricky and requires a more nuanced understanding. But it’s a truism to say that when you have many things going on in your life that are positive – good friends, adventures, experiences, successes in other areas – and you aren’t too focused on dating as such, then that comes off as attractive simply because it’s not needy or anxious, neither one of which are attractive qualities. So fill your life with awesomeness and people will be drawn to you because of it. But even if they’re not, you’ll be too busy enjoying your awesome life to notice
You’re too picky
– Eh. Nothing wrong with having standards. They should be based on things that people can control, though. Height isn’t one of those ordinarily.
Focus on your hobbies/passions
– Sure, why not? THey are internally satisfying, and often lead to meeting other people and buildling up your social circle.
Love yourself first
– Nope, not required. I’ve known plenty of anxious, depressed, mentally unstable, self-loathing people who date and have relationships.
You have to be happy alone before you’re happy with someone
– Nope, not required. See above
Maybe it’s just not your time yet
– Eh. Some people believe in fate. But there’s no best time or right time to connect with other people.
Honestly, none of these would be so eye-roll worthy and annoying if Reddit kept the same energy for other types of venting.
People here can freely vent about finding or keeping a job, dealing with different types of anxiety, losing weight etc and you get a ton of empathy. With comments supporting the OP and pointing out the ways where the OP has the odds stacked against them and the fact they they’re trying at all is something they should be proud of.
But when it comes to dating, you aren’t allowed to just say you’re stuck in a rut or have bad luck. Something is inherently wrong with you and fuck you if you want to vent about it.
Thank you, so sick of hearing this shit, it’s so dismissive and condescending
Too real
Every single one, plus my family telling me to hurry up and have kids before it’s too late, so just pick some guy, any guy 🙄
Some of these things really made me feel bad when they told me
Damn dawg sometimes i wish i was single. Living with a woman can kind of suck
The “too picky/lower your standards” one drove me nutty because all I ever wanted was someone who improved my life for being in it rather than making it worse. AKA someone who was better than being alone. Then one day I had the epiphany that because I can be happy while unpartnered and genuinely enjoy spending time alone, then my “better than alone” actually is a high standard. But that lowering it was pointless because it would literally result in being less happy rather than more.
¯(ツ)/¯
Responses from struggling person:
– But [insert beginning of circular argument here]
– I can’t
– It’s too hard
– I don’t make 6 figures
– I’m a loser because everyone in the world is in a relationship but me
– All women want is [insert random red/black/blue pill rhetoric here]
– They all hate me
– They look at me with disgust
– I’m ugly!!!!!!!!!
– I’m too short
– I have a micropenis/my penis is too small
– I’m bald
– I don’t want to go to the gym
– Women get all sorts of options and men get nothing
– I’ve already tried everything
– Personality doesn’t matter, it’s all about looks
Etc, etc., etc.
“✅ You’re still young”
Mate, I’m literally 31 years old and I’ve never had someone reciprocate interest in me. People still give me this even if they know how old I am
“Pay for love”
you can’t find love if you don’t love yourself. I hate this honestly.
Look for someone who is with a stable career, wealthy… Mom says this frequently, i can’t say i love hearing it
There must be a lot of people interested in you, why single?
1,2,4,5,6,9,10,11,13,14,15,16,18,19,20
Yeah survivorship bias, is downright cruel in this field. But it’s something to look out for in many areas of life.
You can both develop yourself AND look for a partner
It doesn’t happen by magic, you ought to do ANY social activity in order to meet people and find a suitable partner.