Thinking of leaving a good enough marriage (45/m, 46/f)

Married for 22 years, ups and downs (immigration/parental deaths/health issues). We are very kind and considerate to each other, overall good communicators.

We’re low on shared interests so I’ve taken to doing more independently as she’s a homebody and I need more socializing. Physical intimacy is about 1-3 times a year. We never had kids, there was always an issue (age/she felt she was too overweight/jobs).

Something hit me(45/m) a few years ago, went through a bad depression where I was grieving being a dad. I lost intrinsic motivation and my hobbies and interests faded. I lost sense of identity, went through therapy and read every book out there.

Finally feel like I’m coming out of this a bit. I didn’t come out of it feeling more in love. I felt there was a lot that I had missed out on. A deeper connection, mutual attraction, physical intimacy that felt easier, and maybe even being a father or stepfather. Someone who wanted to do things with me and I was excited to do things with.

I also know I’m projecting a lot and everyone is going to have their issues. There’s no perfect situation.

I met someone the other night on sheer accident, and for the first time, I didn’t push back from allowing myself to feel bad for enjoying talking to this person. We spent the evening talking about our lives, about the things we’ve learned about life now in our 40s. We talked about camping, kayaking, philosophy, marriage and families.

I felt torn all of a sudden. There is a person out there wanting similar things. But I’m also working hard at not projecting and reminding myself I know nothing about them. But the fact is, I want to know them more. And with integrity to myself and my marriage, I can’t. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life missing opportunities to do things that make me happy, though.

I am working hard at staying differentiated and it feels like I’m approaching this pragmatically. I’m looking at the reality… losing my home, being worse off financially without two incomes, shared custody of a dog… all to possibly get to know someone I’m attracted to physically and mentally who will have their own set of issues.

I know when you’re young, commitment and duty trumps wanting to seek your own pleasure for some people, but I’ve reached an age where I see everything I didn’t do and wonder why I keep choosing the other.

Anyone who has been thorough something similar, I would love to hear any thoughts. I know for me these aren’t thoughts that will disappear and I’ll continually wonder as I’m just not getting these needs met in my marriage.

TLDR: Thinking of leaving a long marriage to seek more out of life and relationships.