Moving in together is a huge, romantic milestone, especially when you’re in your 50s and have been through the wringer before. It’s a fresh start, a chance to build a new life as a team. Or… it’s a chance to find out your new partner is actually a budding landlord who sees you as a walking, talking revenue stream.
Our narrator, a 51-year-old woman, has been with her 51-year-old boyfriend for four years. They’re both divorced, both own homes. They’re planning to take the leap and move in together. Because his kids are still in high school, they (read: she) made the logical, selfless decision for her to be the one to uproot her life, sell her house, and move into his. A big step. A huge sacrifice.
So, they get to the “how do we split the bills” talk. And our narrator, who earns a great 6-figure salary, comes to the table with a proposal that is so fair, so logical, and so partner-like that it’s frankly, a work of art.
Her offer: We split all shared living costs 50/50. Utilities, property tax, insurance—the stuff we actually use. And the mortgage? She suggests she pay half of the interest (the cost of borrowing the money), but none of the principal (the part that builds his equity in his house that he solely owns).
I mean… wow. This is the most adult, financially savvy, and fair-minded proposal I have ever heard. She’s not a mooch. She’s willing to pay her full share of the life they are building, without paying for the asset she has no stake in.
And what did her boyfriend, this man she’s building a life with, say? Did he say, “Honey, that’s brilliant, you’re a genius, let’s do it”? Of course not. He said no. He wants her to pay… market rent.
I’m sorry, I must have misread. “Market rent”? Is she your girlfriend or your new tenant? Is this a romance or a real estate transaction?
His “reasoning” is where my brain just melts out of my ears. He says she “should not benefit” from his low interest rate. I’m sorry… benefit? You mean, the way a partner in a loving relationship benefits from the smart, lucky, or good decisions their partner made? The horror! He’s not looking for a partner; he’s looking for a roommate.
And the math makes it so, so much worse. With his “market rent” plan, she would be paying a staggering 78 percent of the actual living costs (once you take out his equity payment). She makes slightly more than him, and he wants her to cover three-quarters of the bills? The audacity is breathtaking.
He’s “frugal,” she says. No, honey. That’s not “frugal.” That’s “cheap,” and he’s being cheap at your expense. He has “trauma” from his last divorce. We all have trauma. You don’t get to use your trauma as a coupon to bleed your new partner dry.
Let’s not forget the sheer hypocrisy. She is selling her home to move in with him. She is liquidating her primary asset, her security blanket, her nest egg, to take this leap of faith. And he’s meeting her at the door with a calculator and an invoice. He’s not just asking her to pay “market rent”; he’s asking her to do it while his teenage sons live there, too.
So, is she the ahole for wanting to be an equal partner instead of a glorified, over-paying tenant? Absolutely not. She is the only one in this “couple” who is actually acting like she’s in a relationship. He’s not looking for a future; he’s looking to profit.