We have all encountered that one guy who thinks that because he grew up in a house with women, he is basically a board-certified gynecologist. He’s seen a stray tampon box once or twice, so now he’s an expert on the pain levels of half the global population. But one boyfriend on Reddit just took this “expert” status to a level so delusional and heartless that we are actually hoping his girlfriend changes the locks while he’s at his dad’s birthday party.
The Original Poster (OP) has been living with his girlfriend, Anna, for about three months. According to him, the relationship is great except for one “annoying” little detail: Anna’s period. He claims she “whines and cries” about the pain, which apparently ruins his social life for a week every month. He starts his post by trying to give himself “period street cred” because he was raised with two sisters and a mother. In his expert opinion, period pain is just some “throbbing” or “occasional cramps” that a bath and an Advil can fix.
The level of audacity it takes to tell a grown woman how much her own internal organs are hurting is truly staggering. Every body is different, and for some women, a period isn’t just a minor inconvenience; it is a full-blown medical event. But the OP doesn’t care about science or empathy; he just cares that he can’t “do anything” when she’s hurting. He treats her pain like a personal attack on his weekend plans.
The drama reached a boiling point this morning when the couple was supposed to head to the OP’s parents’ house for a birthday celebration. Anna sent him a text saying she didn’t think she could make it because of her period. Most boyfriends would respond with “I’m so sorry, can I bring you some soup?” But not our OP. He decided this was the perfect moment to “be real” with her and call out what he considers to be her “constant excuses.”
He told her—a pre-law student, mind you—that she needs to “learn to bare the pain like an adult.” He even had the nerve to give her a “career advice” pep talk, claiming that no law firm is going to hire someone who is “incapacitated” seven days a month. Because clearly, the best way to support your partner is to suggest that their biology is going to k!ll their professional dreams. It is the ultimate b!tch move disguised as “tough love.”
Anna, being a human with feelings and a central nervous system, told him he was being rude and heartless. The OP admitted he might sound “a little d!ckish,” but he still thinks he’s doing her a favor by telling her to “get her act together.” He treats her pain like a character flaw that she just needs to work out at the gym. It’s not a character flaw, buddy; it’s a biological process that sometimes involves the uterine lining shedding in a way that feels like being stabbed from the inside.
Here is a reality check for the OP: just because your sisters had “throbbing” cramps doesn’t mean Anna isn’t experiencing something much worse, like endometriosis or PCOS. Suggesting that she’s “exaggerating” because it’s something that happens to “literally EVERY female” is like telling someone with a broken leg to stop complaining because everyone has legs. It is illogical, scientifically illiterate, and just plain mean.
The fact that he thinks he is the one who needs to “tell her” so she can “get her act together” is peak mansplaining. She is in law school! She is clearly a driven, capable adult. If she is saying she can’t go to a birthday party, she is probably in genuine agony. She doesn’t need a “reality check” from a guy who thinks a hot bath is a cure-all for medical-grade pain; she needs a partner who actually likes her.
His concern about her future law career is also a total bullsh!t excuse to be a jerk. Plenty of successful lawyers, doctors, and CEOs deal with chronic pain and menstrual issues. They manage just fine with proper medical care and support, not by having their boyfriends bark at them to “act like an adult” while they are curled in a ball on the bathroom floor.
The OP is wondering if he’s the ahole, and the answer is a resounding “YES.” You aren’t being “real”; you’re being a d!ck. You’re prioritizing your dad’s birthday lunch over your girlfriend’s physical well-being and then insulting her intelligence and her future career on top of it. If you can’t handle the “inconvenience” of a partner having a body, maybe you shouldn’t be in a relationship.
We hope Anna takes this as a major red flag. If he’s this unsympathetic about a period, imagine how he’ll react to a serious illness, a difficult pregnancy, or any other life crisis that doesn’t fit into his “smooth going” schedule. Anna deserves someone who will bring her the Moltrin, not someone who will lecture her on the hiring practices of law firms while she’s bleeding.
What would you do if your partner told you to “get your act together” during your period? Is this a “tough love” moment or is it the fastest way to get dumped? Let us know in the comments if you think this guy needs to go back to school—specifically, a middle school health class!
I think she needs to find a better boyfriend. If he can’t understand that not all women have the same level of discomfort during menses, then he should have a swift kick in the groin and be told that some men can take it without whining.