We have all had a workplace crush. Maybe it was the cute guy in accounting or the girl who always laughs at your jokes in the breakroom. Usually, you handle this by acting awkward, maybe buying an extra coffee once, and then going home to pine silently like a normal person. But one man on Reddit decided to turn his attraction to a new hire into a full-blown HR nightmare, crossing so many boundaries that the poor woman literally fled her job within a month.
The OP (Original Poster) is a twenty-six-year-old man working in a small office. A new employee, “Lisa,” joined the team about a month ago. The OP describes her as “bombshell gorgeous” and compares her to Scarlett Johansson, who just happens to be his favorite actress. He explicitly states that he “literally cannot help but be attracted to her.” Here is a pro tip: yes, you can. You are an adult human, not a cartoon wolf whose eyes pop out of his head.
He started his campaign to “win her over” with the usual tactics: leaving snacks and coffee on her desk. She smiled and said thank you because that is what women are socialized to do to stay safe and polite in a professional environment. But the OP took this basic politeness as a sign to escalate. He noticed they took the same bus home. Instead of just letting it be a coincidence, he started intentionally timing his exit so they would be on the same bus together. He calls them “bus buddies.” We call it surveillance.
If forcing a “bus buddy” relationship wasn’t bad enough, the OP decided to bypass the awkwardness of actually asking for her number. Instead, he accessed the company database, retrieved her personal phone number without her consent, and texted her. Let’s be clear: this is a massive violation of privacy. Company directories are for work emergencies, not for sliding into DMs because you are too scared to ask a woman out to her face.
The result was immediate and catastrophic. Lisa didn’t just block him; she quit. She went to the boss, cited the OP as the reason for her departure, and walked out the door. She walked away from a paycheck rather than spend one more day dealing with a guy who tracks her bus schedule and steals her data. That is how uncomfortable she was.
Now the OP is in “hot water” with his boss, but not for the reasons you might hope. The boss is annoyed because Lisa was a productive employee, not because his male employee is a predator. The OP, meanwhile, is completely baffled. He claims he didn’t do anything “bad” and uses the classic “nice guy” defense: “If a woman showered me with that much attention, I would be happy about it.”
This false equivalency is the anthem of creeps everywhere. He fails to understand that women exist in a world where unwanted male attention can be dangerous. When a man knows where you work, knows your bus route, and has your personal number without you giving it to him, that isn’t flattering; it is terrifying. Lisa didn’t tell him to stop because she was likely afraid of what would happen if she did.
The OP argues that she “never gave him any indication” she wanted to be left alone. Except, of course, for the part where she quit her job to get away from him. That is the biggest indication possible. He feels justified because he is “attracted” to her, as if his boner overrides her right to feel safe at work.
So, is the OP the ahole? Yes, he is a massive one. He stalked a woman, violated data privacy laws, and cost her a job. The fact that he still has his job is a miracle, and he should probably spend less time feeling sorry for himself and more time reading the employee handbook.
What would you do if a coworker pulled your number from a database to text you? Would you report them to HR, or would you quit on the spot like Lisa? Let us know in the comments if you think the OP deserves to be fired!