We live in the era of Instagram face, filters, and the inexplicable trend where everyone suddenly wants to look like a handsome Squidward by sucking the fat out of their cheeks. Plastic surgery is a deeply personal choice, and technically, what you do with your body is your business. But when you are married, radical physical changes have a way of becoming “our” business, especially when your partner no longer recognizes the person sleeping next to them. One husband on Reddit is currently in the doghouse—not because he cheated, but because he finally admitted that his wife’s new face is giving him nightmares.
The OP (Original Poster) explains that his wife recently underwent a cocktail of cosmetic procedures. We aren’t talking about a little Botox here and there; we are talking about the full works: buccal fat removal, lip fillers, a neck lift, and “other stuff” he doesn’t quite understand. He was against the surgery from the start, but ultimately, it wasn’t his decision. Now that she is fully healed, however, the results are less “glamorous makeover” and more “uncanny valley.”
It is a harsh reality to face. You marry someone because you love who they are and, generally, what they look like. When that face changes overnight into something that looks artificial or strange, the brain has a hard time adjusting. The OP admits that her new look “freaks him out.” Consequently, their love life has taken a nosedive. He dreads looking at her, and when they are intimate, he insists on keeping the lights off to avoid seeing the results of her surgical spree.
Because he is a guy trying to avoid a fight, he tried the classic deflection tactics. He told her he was “tired from work” or “run down.” He tried everything to avoid saying, “Honey, your neck lift scares me.” But you can only feign exhaustion for so long before your partner starts to get suspicious. And in the absence of truth, the human mind immediately jumps to the worst possible conclusion: infidelity.
The wife broke down and accused him of having an affair. She demanded to see his phone, and because he had nothing to hide, he handed it over. She spent an hour combing through his digital life, looking for a mistress, only to find absolutely nothing. When you clear your name of cheating, you are usually left with the uncomfortable task of explaining why you have been distant if there isn’t another woman. She kept digging, demanding an explanation for his lack of interest.
Finally, backed into a corner, he told the truth. He wasn’t trying to be cruel; he just ran out of excuses. He told her that her new face wasn’t attractive to him and that it turned him off. He even admitted that her appearance was the reason he turned off the lights during s*x. It was a brutal moment of honesty, but frankly, she forced it out of him. She asked a question she clearly wasn’t prepared to hear the answer to.
The fallout was immediate. She fled to her sister’s house, and now the OP is public enemy number one. Her sister called him a “piece of sh*t” for insulting his wife’s looks, and her friends have all branded him the ahole. They are rallying around her, likely telling her she looks beautiful and that he is just shallow. But gaslighting him into pretending he is attracted to her isn’t going to fix the marriage.
The OP’s final description of his wife is something that is going to be hard to come back from. He says she looks like “the blue alien from The Fifth Element.” For those who haven’t seen the movie, that is not a compliment. It implies a level of artificiality that is jarring to the human eye. He claims he still loves her, but he can’t force a physiological response to a face he finds “weird.”
This is a tragedy of bodily autonomy clashing with attraction. She has every right to change her face, but he has every right not to be turned on by it. You cannot surgery your way into confidence if it alienates the person you love most. He tried to spare her feelings with white lies, but she demanded the truth. Now that it is out there, they have to decide if love is truly blind, or if the “uncanny valley” is too wide a gap to bridge.
So, is the OP the ahole? It is a tough call, but we are leaning towards no. He didn’t offer this opinion unsolicited; he was interrogated until he confessed. If you ask a question you don’t want the answer to, don’t be surprised when the truth hurts.
What would you do if your partner got plastic surgery you hated? Would you fake it for the sake of their feelings, or would you tell them the truth like this husband? Let us know in the comments if you think the Fifth Element comparison was too far!
Funnily enough I find the blue alien (the singer) strangely attractive but if a partner described me as an alien I would be shocked. But is OP an AH? A bit, he can’t help not feeling attraction. If his wife had an accident and her face was affected would he say she looks like an alien? But the wife is also a bit AHish. She had the work done despite her husband not being keen and she kept pushing for an answer. But on the whole no-one is an AH. It’s just life being sh1t sometimes.