We all want to age like fine wine. We all hope to be the Jennifer Aniston of our friend group. But apparently, looking too good for your age is now a marital crisis that requires a disclaimer. One man on Reddit is spiraling because his wife has found the fountain of youth and he has… well, he hasn’t. Instead of buying a Corvette or investing in a good retinol, he has decided the only solution is to force his wife to walk around announcing her birth year to strangers like a town crier.
Our narrator met his wife 20 years ago when they were in their 20s. A normal, age-appropriate couple. But time is a cruel mistress to some and a best friend to others. He is now 45 and admits he looks like he is in his mid-50s. His wife is 42 but looks like she is in her late 20s. Good for her! Drop the skincare routine, ma’am. We need to know your secrets.
They recently moved to a new neighborhood and changed schools for their teenage kids. And this is where the husband’s insecurity has decided to set up camp and build a massive bonfire. He is terrified of the optics. He thinks that when he introduces his “young” wife and his teenage children, the neighbors are doing some dark mental math.
See, if people think she is 28 and they have a 16-year-old, the implication is that he is a predator who preyed on a child back in the day. He is convinced that everyone thinks he is a “creep” who got an underage girl pregnant. He says he doesn’t care what people think when it’s just the two of them, but the kids make it “awkward.”
His solution to this perceived judgment is not to laugh it off. It is not to trust that neighbors will eventually learn their ages naturally. No. He wants his wife to start every introduction with a verbal ID check. He literally asked her if she could “start mentioning her age when we introduce ourselves.”
His wife, who is clearly the sensible one in this relationship, told him absolutely not. She called it “ridiculous” and pointed out how incredibly awkward that would be. And she is 100 percent right. Can you imagine shaking someone’s hand at a PTA meeting and saying, “Hi, I’m Linda, I’m 42”? It is weird behavior. It screams insecurity. It makes a casual interaction feel like a deposition.
Let’s be real here. This isn’t about what the neighbors think. This is about how he feels standing next to her. He feels old. He feels weathered. And instead of dealing with his own self-image issues, he wants to make his wife responsible for managing strangers’ perceptions of him. He is inventing a problem that likely doesn’t exist. Most people aren’t doing complex calculus on your ages when they meet you. They are just wondering if you are going to bring the good potato salad to the block party.
If someone does think she is younger, that is a compliment to her. And eventually, when they get to know you, the truth will come out naturally over coffee or wine. You don’t need a disclaimer. You need some confidence. And maybe some moisturizer if it bothers you that much.
So, WIBTA? Yes. You would be the ahole. Do not insist on this. Do not make your wife uncomfortable just to soothe your own ego. Let her enjoy her good genes and stop trying to age her up just because you feel like a crypt keeper next to her. She said no. Respect it.