There are stories you read on the “Am I The Ahole” subreddit that are just messy, fun, petty drama. And then there are the stories that are so dark and so sad that they stop you in your tracks. This, my friends, is one of the second kind. It’s a story about a 12-year-old girl who is being failed, spectacularly, by every single adult in her life.
Our narrator is a 30-year-old woman who is, by all accounts, living a pretty good life. She’s happily married to her 37-year-old husband, and she gets along “extremely well” with her in-laws. Her MIL even introduces her as her own daughter. It’s all very “us against the world.”
The “world,” in this case, seems to be her husband’s ex, “Sarah.” Sarah is the mother of his 12-year-old daughter, Mary. The narrator makes it clear that Sarah is “not someone you wish to have in your social circle” and was never accepted by the family.
The real problem? Mary. Or rather, Mary’s mother. The narrator says Sarah is teaching her daughter “extreme hippy bs.” Now, you might think this means she’s teaching her to wear Birkenstocks or protest something. Oh no. It’s so much worse.
According to the post, Sarah is teaching her 12-year-old daughter that she “should not abide by the expectations society has on women” and “should not feel pressured to act, look or behave” in an “acceptable” way. And in this case, “acceptable” means… basic hygiene.
The narrator says Mary is “allowed by her mom to not shower for days in a row, wear dirty clothes, not brush her teeth or hair.” She says it’s gotten so bad that her 12-year-old stepdaughter “could pass as a homeless child if you see her on the street.”
This is not “hippy bs.” This is not “bucking societal norms.” This is textbook, heartbreaking, capital-N Neglect. This is a 12-year-old girl who is being failed by her mother.
So, here’s the crisis. The husband is receiving a major award at a gala. A huge, important moment in his career. He, like any normal dad, wants his daughter there. He asks his new wife to do a normal, sweet, bonding thing: take Mary shopping for a dress.
And the wife’s response? A hard “no.” She told him, “honestly… I really feel embarrassed being seen with Mary in public.” She says “she dresses horrible,” “she stinks,” and “does not brush her hair.”
Now, any normal human, upon hearing this, would say, “My god, this child is being neglected. We have to help her.” But that is not what happened. The mother-in-law chimed in. And she agreed with the stepmom.
And the MIL’s solution? It wasn’t “Let’s get this child in a bubble bath and buy her a beautiful dress.” It was “it would be best if Mary does not attend this event because she will make us look bad.”
I am… I am unwell. “Make us look bad.” Not “I’m worried about Mary.” Not “My god, my grandchild is being neglected.” But “This unwashed, suffering child will be a poor reflection on me at a fancy party.” The vanity is absolutely staggering.
And the dad? The man of the hour? The father of this child? He was “sad,” but he agreed with them. He is letting his new wife and his mother ban his own 12-year-old daughter from his awards ceremony because they are embarrassed by the results of her mother’s neglect.
So, is the stepmom the ahole? Yes. Yes, she is. She is a massive ahole. So is the MIL. And so is the dad, who is the biggest, most spineless failure of them all. This isn’t about a gala. This is about a group of “good” adults who are all, in their own selfish ways, punishing a 12-year-old girl for being a victim.