TL;DR: I hooked-up with my friend’s friend Megan (32F) and it was really bad. We were both drunk and it was not successful. Megan keeps texting me almost every day. When I suggest we hang out she is always busy or has too much to do. Yet she keeps saying things like “I will be here at this time” after I mentioned I wanted to go there the day before. When I say, “We could meet up for a quick beer” she says she is too busy and will be for the next month. I no longer want to entertain texting Megan anymore and genuinely want to be friends and move past the awkward hookup. I feel like she secretly likes me and has mentioned before the hookup she wanted to be with me when I was with my ex. Now she is hot and cold and giving me mixed signals.
As mentioned above, I hooked-up with my friend’s friend Megan (32F) about 4 months ago. I had just ended a 10-year relationship and was a mess. I met up with Megan and we both got a little drunk and ended-up hooking up. She confessed that she has had a thing for me and told my other friend Maria that she would want to date me. When we hooked-up it was awful because we both were drunk and it was not successful (which really sucks). After that she got really awkward with me, but she continued to text me almost daily. She seemed distant but interested. I am definitely not her priority, but she keeps me around as a backup seemingly. Maybe she is just being nice, but I am not pushing anything with her. I met up with her one more time with our friend group last weekend and we talked for over an hour and I felt something with her. I can’t explain it and I know that if she was interested she would make an effort to meet up with me. I mentioned wanting to go to place XYZ and the next day she texts me saying she is going to place XYZ today and I mention grabbing a quick beer at place XYZ and she says she is too busy and won’t be able to meet up. I guess this is just the norm and I have been out of the mix for the last 10 years. It seems clear to me that Megan doesn’t like me but I get the sense she does and maybe it’s that I am a backup option and the hookup was bad. Either way I am not putting any energy into this, but it is still confusing to me. Explain to me what is going on here?
Comments
Why don’t you just ask her out? Like stop looking for smoke signals or whatever and just talk to her. It seems you can do it, but don’t for whatever reason. Rejection sucks, but at least it’s clear if it happens.
What’s going on is you haven’t learned to communicate directly and not waste time with people who won’t do it with you.
“Hey I’m a bit confused. It seems like you enjoy speaking because you text me frequently, but any time I ask if you’d like to go do something together, it seems as if you’re always busy. It feels like you’re not interested which is okay, but I’m just confused as to what you’re interested in.”
Let her explain her feelings, then be an adult and put up boundaries for the treatment you’ll accept.