We all know the type of ex-husband who treats parenting like a hobby he can opt out of when it gets too expensive. But usually, the audacity is limited to the man himself. In this story, however, the ex-husband sent his new wife to do his dirty work, and the level of entitlement on display is enough to make you want to scream into a pillow. One mom on Reddit just delivered a masterclass in boundaries, and we are taking notes.
Our narrator is a 40-year-old woman who divorced her ex, Paul, five years ago. The reason? The classic “bang-maid” scenario. She was working full-time, doing all the cooking, cleaning, and parenting for their three kids, while Paul just… existed. She realized she would rather have three kids than four, so she left. Paul, being the lazy partner he was, didn’t even fight for custody. He took every-other-weekend visitation and paid his child support.
Fast forward a few months, and Paul announces he is engaged to Tonya, a 27-year-old woman who was already pregnant. The timeline was suspicious enough that our narrator got herself tested, just in case. Paul and Tonya went on to have another kid, plus Tonya’s child from a previous relationship. Meanwhile, our narrator leveled up. She reconnected with an old friend, got married, and her house is happy. She also got a massive promotion at work. She is winning.
Paul and Tonya? Not so much. After their second child was born, they realized kids are expensive. So, they tried to pull a fast one. They sued our narrator for 50/50 custody. Not because Paul missed his kids, but because they wanted to lower the child support payments. The court saw right through it. Paul actually lost custody rights and ended up with unsupervised visitation only, and—here is the kicker—his child support payments went up.
You would think they would take the L and move on. But no. Tonya has been trying to contact the narrator for months. Finally, she cornered her at her son’s soccer game. She didn’t ask how the kids were doing. She didn’t try to co-parent. She went straight for the wallet.
Tonya told the narrator that they are struggling financially. She pointed out that she knows the narrator “doesn’t need” the child support because she makes good money now. And then, she asked the unthinkable: she asked the narrator to “please consider her kids.” She essentially asked a mother to take money out of her own children’s savings to subsidize the family her ex-husband started after he failed the first one.
Our hero didn’t flinch. She didn’t offer financial advice. She didn’t apologize for her success. She simply looked at Tonya and said, “Their child support wasn’t for me, it was for the kids from their father, and her kids were not my problem.”
I need a moment to recover from the absolute perfection of that sentence. It is harsh, yes. But it is the truth. Child support is not a “lifestyle fee” for the mom; it is the legal right of the children. Just because their mom is successful doesn’t mean their dad gets a free pass on his financial obligations. His duty to his first three children doesn’t evaporate just because he decided to have more kids he couldn’t afford.
The narrator admits she feels it was “mean,” but Tonya wouldn’t leave her alone. Let’s be clear: Tonya isn’t the victim here. She is an enabler for a deadbeat dad who is too cowardly to fight his own battles. She saw a successful woman and decided she was entitled to a piece of that success because she made poor choices with the same man.
So, is she the ahole? Absolutely not. N-T-A. You don’t owe your ex’s new family a dime. You owe your children the security and support their father is legally required to provide. If Paul and Tonya are struggling, Paul can get a second job. Your bank account is not their charity fund.