I’m in my early 30’s and feeling discouraged at the prospect of finding love. I know people do it, but I don’t know how. I’ve tried dating apps and I’m just not cut out for them. I feel like I need a more organic relationship, but I’m not sure if that’s realistic.
So if you met your partner in your 30s or beyond, please tell me your story! I need some encouragement, and maybe some examples of what to do (or not to do lol).
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Met him when we were both 37. We met on bumble. He is the loveliest person I’ve ever met.
I was dumped when I was just about to turn 31 and I felt just god awfully useless. I thought that I was just, idk, damaged goods? Like I was too old now and that my big love was all done.
That said! I went back on Hinge and I found my current partner who is also in his 30s. It’s wonderful, we’re more secure in who we are as people and what we want out of life and all.
I had a few relationships in my thirties. Met one woman at a local club dancing. Met one guy through online gaming. Met two people via apps. Met my current spouse at a mutual friends house during a get together.
I was 33. Started a new job and met him there. We were friends/coworkers for a year and then started dating. Wasn’t looking it just worked out we were both single and had a lot in common.
Met mine on Hinge last year! I think the trick is to not text forever and just use it as a method to meet more ppl. And don’t think too hard about why some ppl take some actions and take them personal. I stop talking if I don’t feel like it (before setting up a first date of course) and don’t mind if anyone unmatch or stop responding. I control how many ppl I talk to at the same time by liking/matching, so I don’t get overwhelmed nor desperate.
I was actively looking for love. I don’t feel ashamed about that. Mattew Hussey said something like “if you want a good career you spend time working on one, so if you want love why won’t you spend time looking for your person” in his book. And I totally agree.
Edit: so I was dumped last year too after dating someone for 4 months and was devastated (thank GOD we broke up lol he was an addict and Andrew Tate supporter). I was 31. 4 months later I have moved on and had a first date with my current partner and he’s just amazing
I am sorry but if you live in America, especially in an urban environment, and you’re in your 30s, the most realistic way to meet someone you’ll click with is through dating apps. That’s just how it is. People are so busy nowadays that the chances of meeting someone organically are low
Met my partner at a music festival at 33. I actually consider it an advantage that I met him later. It gave me a chance to do a lot more healing and have a much clearer idea of what my main priorities were. Our relationship is by far the healthiest I’ve ever been in and I don’t think I would have been able to show up in the same way if we had met earlier.
I’m 37, was single/dating for five years until I randomly met him while partaking in my hobbies last year. After working remotely for almost a decade, I decided the only way to encounter new people (offline) was to take up new hobbies and get out in group settings. I tried a LOT of new things and have stuck with a few of them (golf, bowling, watercolor painting, cooking classes, wine club). I have met a lot of amazing people that way, dates and friendships!
I was in my 30s and my partner was in his 20s when we met on a dating app. I had no intention of anything serious and just wanted to date around. 4+ years later we’re still together :).
I realized that before him, I was often looking for guys who shared specific hobbies/interests. But that didn’t really equate to compatibility. My partner and I have some shared interests but ultimately we like spending time together, no matter what we’re doing. So my suggestion is to keep an open mind, let go of any previous ‘requirements’, and see where that takes you!
Met my partner at 32. We met on OkCupid back when it was still more a dating website and not an app.
I wasn’t looking for love per se. I never put too much pressure on dating sites I just found it was the easiest way to know that someone was open to being approached. I hate being approached in public and extend that same courtesy to men 😂
On bumble at 35. I was bored.. and I haven’t used the apps for a while, but had that itch to use for that week and matched with him. I was also looking to move out of my country so I wasn’t looking for anything serious, just wanted to see how the guys out there are after not using the apps for a while. The first date went too well, lived with him for 3 weeks after 2 weeks of dating. Then we moved in together after 3 months of seeing each other – also because he had a falling out with his housemate. It’s been 2 years 4 months since we met, we are married, bought our own home together and I’m currently 6 months pregnant. We’ve definitely went through a lot being together, fought like crazy but also once we understood each other, things became peaceful and now we are focused on building our family and lives together.
I personally wouldn’t advocate for apps since it took me more than 12 years to meet my husband, but sometimes it’s worth a try. Also travelling solo will help you meet people too, met a fair share while I was single before meeting my husband.
My partner is under 30, but I’m 33. We met through a group trip (20+ people, lol) and became friends for a few years, then started dating last year. We chatted about it briefly recently and he confirmed that he was interested after that initial meeting, but I was very much not interested in dating at all at the time, and he was seeing two other women and trying to figure out if there was long-term potential there. Essentially, by the time those relationships ran their course and he had been single for a bit, I was getting interested in dating again (tbh I wanted a hot girl summer, lol), so the timing aligned and we were pretty much in a committed relationship after about one date.
I really feel like if you’re not interested in using the apps, you have to put a lot of effort into meeting new people on the regular. A life spent pursuing solitary hobbies and occasional meetups with close, long-term friends sounds really lovely, but the chances of it drawing new and compatible people into your orbit that you can get to know organically are really low.
I’m not sure where you’re located, of course, and that’s a huge factor. I’m in an urban area and, being honest, most of my male friends that I would consider to be eligible/attractive partners at first glance are not on the apps, they’re in hobby groups. The male friends I have who are on the apps have said that they have no confidence in their ability to attract romantic attention organically, or are still very much in a hookup/casual stage of their lives.
I met my now wife when I was 40 and she was 34, we met the old fashioned way, on bumble ❤️😂
I wasn’t looking for anything and met my husband at a party.
I’m 31. My boyfriend is actually the brother of an acquaintance of mine. We were all at a concert together and we just started vibing. I wasn’t looking for a relationship at all! I was super excited to have a slutty summer then I met him and I locked myself down lol.
I was 33 when I got married and 32 when we started dating. I “met” him years before kinda (we were in the same social circles and acquaintances I would say – he was also in a really great local band that I was a HUGE fan of).
I wasn’t looking for love at all, in fact I had just gotten out of a dead end year long relationship the week before and had told myself that I was gonna be single for awhile.
After running into each other at a local event he messaged me and the rest is history
My husband met me when he was 31 and wasn’t looking. I joke he was waiting for me to grow up (I was 23 at the time)
Also, my mother in law is engaged for the first time in her late 60s
35 at the gym!
We met on Hinge after both of us activated our dating profiles yet again.
I met an old friend on Hinge I hadn’t seen in 15yrs. We’ve been dating now for 3 months. Its been exciting 🙂
Met him on hinge. I was 33, he was 30. Dated him for 3 months and then became exclusive. It’s been a relationship of so much growth and emotional reflection, we’re very happy to have found each other:)
I crossed paths with him at our 10-year high school reunion. We were both turning 30. I definitely wasn’t looking for anything special, and was even on the fence about attending the event. It just happened!
I was 35 and determined to have a hot girl summer after ending a toxic long term relationship. I had been single/casually dating for almost a year at the time and my mom wanted me to go on a birthday cruise with her. Had absolutely no intentions or expectations to meet anyone, but as fate would have it, it happened.
He was solo traveling and spotted me at one of the excursions. He struck up a conversation, I honestly thought he was just being polite (didn’t get any flirtatious vibes from him at all) and it made me feel very comfortable. When I discovered he was by himself on the trip, my mom & I made it a point to include him in conversations, offer to take pics for him etc. Before you knew it we became a little trio for the whole rest of the cruise! 😂 At this point, I realized he had an interest and I was enjoying his company so I went along with it. At the end of the cruise, we exchanged numbers to keep in touch and see if we would maintain our connection back in the “real world.”
Long story short, we just celebrated our 3 year anniversary this past weekend 🥰
My partner and I reconnected on a dating app, bumble. We went to high school together (never even spoke to each other then, barely knew each other’s existence). We have been together ever since and talk about future together. <3
I was 32 when I met my now- husband. We met through online dating. I was looking for a relationship but not necessarily love and marriage (I never wanted kids and I didn’t want to get married previously. )
Most of my dating history was from meeting men online. Organic never really happened for me, since I was more of an introvert who wasn’t into group gatherings or parties.
We actually met through a phone game… I’ve never really been into dating apps, I just don’t think the good ones are there. And they’re definitely not hanging out in bars either. The good men are at work, they’re picking up groceries… or off somewhere fishing in peace.
I met my wife online at age 30. I was too awkward to try to talk to women with the intention of dating when I went out to bars. I honestly don’t think I would have ever met someone just out and about. I don’t go out of my way to talk to strangers. Online worked for me!
I wasn’t looking for anyone. I felt myself beginning a new chapter in my life though. Mentally I was feeling positive for new things to happen but I didn’t know what exactly. I made plans to go traveling and I spent the summer reading tons and tons of romance novels. I wanted to start a new sport hobby. I searched online for a community and I found one. When I got back home I felt really motivated for trying new things. This is something I haven’t felt in a very long time. I called a place and he spoke to me. We met and talked about me joining the community and that’s how it started 💔
It felt like a dream come true for me. It really did. Even when I look back on all those memories. It feels like a journey 💕
But I really didn’t think I was gonna meet anyone at the time. It was so random. When I met him the first time I didn’t feel anything that made me feel he’s my usual type. He’s not. But I felt so comfortable and happy talking to him. The second time we met I went out with him for an outdoor activity and I ended up laughing so much. I had a great time.
That day was so weird for me because I felt so many weird things I never felt before. I felt “free” somehow. For me it’s the first time going somewhere alone with a guy. We chatted and I told him I had a really fun time. I drove back home feeling like I know this person from somewhere.
Even physically. It’s so weird. I know this sounds so bizarre but I feel like I’ve seen his face or known him before or like his facial features are matching mine? I don’t know how to describe it. Like it’s someone who’s my match or I see myself in him or like he’s someone very familiar to me. I felt warm towards him or like he’s someone special or important in my life.
Things have been difficult so I don’t know if he’s really the one for me 💔 but all I know is that I felt this surreal unexplained feeling about him and everything happened so fast and I felt close to him. I feel the luckiest girl sometimes. Like I can’t believe this is happening to me and at other times it’s so painful and I feel alone and lonely. It’s rough. All I know is that I’m so happy I met him. He’s someone I care about a lot. Never loved someone like this before. Whether he’s gonna be with me or not. I don’t know. I just know he’s staying rent free in my heart.
I decided to step further into a local community. I had been a part of this community in my previous state, but between covid and moving I hadn’t been going out to events in my new town. I decided to start going out to events (social nights at bars, classes and workshops, etc) and putting myself out there. I made friends, and asked them to introduce me to their friends.
My partner did the same thing about 3 months after I did, and we ended up meeting through this community and then dating and then becoming very serious after that.
If I hadn’t been going out to events, making friends, donating time to my community, we wouldn’t have run across each other.
I visited my best friend over the holidays. She’s now married, but has always been a serial monogamist, versus me, who is too picky/has bad timing/is cursed to be alone forever because unwilling to settle.
Her advice was to go on a shit load of dates… which sounded terrible. But she was probably right. And I came home in January with the intention of just sending likes and saying yes to everyone on the apps. While chatting with someone who seemed kinda interesting, I matched with someone else and we planned a same-day date. Next day we planned a dinner date. The next day he brought me lunch. And we just never slowed down.
Anyway he’s moving in soon, and he’s endgame for me. Only took one more date! Lowkey tearing up about how lucky I feel, because I honestly didn’t believe I’d find love like this. So I have hope for you too OP!
I met him playing World of Warcraft, back in the days before everyone met online. We were just online friends for years. Then we met up a few times, we lived half a world apart so it wasn’t often. On one trip I landed at the airport, and we made eye contact, and suddenly were weren’t just friends anymore. It was literally like a switch had been flipped. We’ve now been married 17 years.
Solo traveling has been the way for me. And just getting out of the house sometimes.
Currently taking a break to focus on myself for a bit and clarify my desires and needs as they have shifted since my 20’s.
At 33, I was a single mom raising a 2 year old by myself and living with my mom. I joined a mom group in order to socialize my son a bit and to talk to other adults for a little bit. I quickly made a very good friend. Turns out, her husband’s brother was a somewhat recently divorced dad with a couple of kids in their early 20’s (he’s 10 years older than me).
Fairly early on she told me that we’d be perfect for each other. I dismissed her statements as well intended, but misguided. Eventually we met at a group camping trip that my friend organized. Holy crap, she couldn’t have been more right. I used to roll my eyes when I heard people talk about their “soul mate”, but I’ll apologetically talk your ear off about mine. It’s 12 years later and we’re married raising a couple of boys (i.e, I had another kid). I’m living a life that 32 year old me could never have imagined.
We met at work and were friends first. It later turned romantic and now we have 2 kids and have been married for 15 years.
I met them on a vegan dating facebook group.
I met my husband at 32; he had just turned 30. We camped near each other at Burning Man, but we were both there with other people. I ran into him four months later when I was going through a breakup, and I thought he was going to be a rebound fling, but now it’s 28 years later and we have 2 adult children.
I think early thirties is the perfect time to meet someone because you’ve matured and also learned from various life mistakes.
ed. to add: The breakup I referred to was with my first husband, whom I was with from ages 22-32. I remember people trying to scare me about what it would be like to be single as a woman in my 30s, not sure what their motives were but they were all wrong.
I met him when he was 31, I was 35 on Tinder. Meeting on the apps feels like a fluke now that I can’t really explain. We didn’t even talk for very long on the app – he asked me out for dinner very quickly. Tinder was just a way to actually get to a first date, and from there it was perfect.
Our first few dates were very sweet, and we had a lot in common, but what sticks out to me is on the third date he made me dinner and while eating, straight up asked me what I was looking for, what my plans were, did I want children, etc. etc. And from that conversation we learned our life goals were aligned. Communication has always been open and easy, when someone expresses problems we actively work to find solutions. He gets along with my friends – who are now his friends too.
There are many immature and emotionally unavailable men in you 30s that will try to hide behind flourish and complements, but finding someone with real intent will get you so much farther. Openly express what you want and what you need, and if they are not willing to work with you to achieve those things, do not be afraid to walk away.
Met my partner about six months after I turned 30. We were introduced by a new mutual friend I had made at work. We’ve now been together two years and live together!
I guess I was ‘looking’ in that I wanted to meet someone but I never put myself out there and when I did I had bad experiences. So it wasn’t all intentional. It was pure luck really
Apps.
31F, split with ex of 2.5 years and fiance in March of last year, absolutely couldn’t stomach the idea of dating for four months, then suddenly just thought it sounded like fun. Setup my Hinge profile with the relationship goal of “short term, open to long,” hoping to meet fun people and experience my city in a new way, and if something nice came along then awesome! Started matching and chatting, three days in I matched with a 36M with the most gorgeous smile. The chit chat was brief before we arranged a date (and it turned out we only lived 4 blocks from each other), which I thought was the greenest ever flag – I loved the efficiency.
The bar was so noisy I could hardly hear him but man, that smile. Drinks turned into dinner and he kissed me goodnight. Three days later we made dinner at his place, which progressed physically and oh man was that a great decision. We kept seeing each other and I just never got around to arranging dates with any of my other matches for some reason. Now we’re one year in, spend almost every night together, have traveled together a bunch, and are moving in together this fall – and the best part is that we have Intentions for each other with a capital I ❤️ (kids and marriage)
He’d been looking for something to invest in (his phrasing) for some time, and communicated this very directly and clearly starting on the first date. Around the fourth or fifth date, he specified that he wanted to invest in dating me. We were official about one month later.
I am unbelievably attracted to every dimension of this man, but I found that directness especially appealing; it challenged me to really truly interrogate what I wanted out of not only this relationship or phase of my life but out of the next ten years in a purposeful way I hadn’t thought about it before. I grew up a lot as I reflected on whether I was a match for his intentionality, really turning around my perspective on my current job (investing in it rather than tolerating it), my finances, and even how I cared for my friends and family – the idea of investing in what’s important and building something long lasting overtook my whole life. And as all this was happening and my greatest life priorities clarified, one of the things I found I wanted most was is his company at the start and end of everyday. And in a few years his children, and to be part of his family. And then later his age spots and gray hair and frown and smile lines. And all throughout, his frequent baleful looks and sardonic comments and sudden heartbreaking smiles.
This got sappy really fast but I hope that story helps you feel less discouraged – just one hinge date was incredibly good luck, but I think it also had to do with open mindedness paired with intentionality. (But from watching friends struggle on the apps, I have concluded that swift meetups with minimal pre-date chit chat is the way to go and often a green flag haha)
I was looking to get laid, I found him on Tinder. Told him multiple times I was not looking for a relationship because I had just finalized a divorce with my ex-husband three months prior.
(we had been separated well over 2 years, but I was still emotionally drained from the divorce process)
We went out to a brewery. He was smoking a cigarette when I walked up. I said well I’m glad this will be short and sweet because I don’t date smokers. He put the cigarette out, and took a mostly full pack of camels out out of his pocket and threw them in the garbage as well.
He said “well good thing I quit”.
This month will be two years together, and two months engaged.
Most of my relationships just happened, with the exception of one that began from a friend’s matchmaking (and was a disaster!)
I met my current partner while I was just hanging out at a local venue. I was actually leaving (old + tired) and ran into a mutual friend with him in tow.
It was definitely easier to fall into things in my 20s, since there were more single folks out and about.
realistically, at 30’s and if you want marriage and kids, waiting for it to happen organically is a disservice to yourself.
i met my bf online which is the only way i date because i’m introverted and my hobbies are all female-dominated. it also allows me to filter for traits i want/don’t want right for the start, and i love having information presented that way.
my advice would be to treat it like a job: open the app 2-3x a day and swipe and reply to messages. try not to be invested at the beginning. watch for actions and behaviours. probably the most important thing — “if he wanted to, he would”.
I met my husband online when I was 32 years old. No, I was not looking for love when it happened. I had honestly kindof given up on love at that point in my life, to be honest. We met on a message board. Then started chatting via IM. Then started talking on the phone. It was all very organic. We just…clicked. That year, his Dad asked him what he wanted for Christmas and he said “A plane ticket so I can go meet this girl in real life and figure out if this is worth pursuing?” He flew to my city 2 days after Christmas that year (2006).
He packed up his stuff and moved halfway across the country to be with me a year later. A year after that we got engaged. Then we got married. I was 35 when I got married. We’ve been married for 16 years now. He’s still my favorite person.
So, truthfully, I didn’t find love until I stopped looking for it and we were friends first.
I’m 38 I met him when I was 29 he was 33 (I know not 30 but close enough) we’re married now
Met my partner on Hinge. The trick was I was not really looking for a relationship, I was looking for a partner in crime (a party partner to go to raves with). I found him. And it seems I found much more than that. Been together soon a year now.
I was not invested in dating apps, not expecting anything much from it, was just going on dates and meeting people. Just another social activity, no expectations, no strings attached. Otherwise you can burn out real quick from that.
Edit: I was 39, he’s 8 months my senior.
My husband and I met through mutual friends on fb. I commented on the mutual friend’s post and he replied to what I said. I checked his profile, thought he was a cute guy, divorced with 3 girls. I didn’t mind. I told our mutual friend I thought he’s cute. She messaged him what I said, and then he DMd me. We started talking and exchanged numbers, then he asked me out on a date. We hit it off immediately, and when I met his girls everything just fit perfectly. We got engaged after 5 years and then got married!
well you are probs the sexiest you’ve ever been so just go out, vibe, an the men will follow
Met my partner when I was 30 after being single for 2.5 years. I wasn’t looking for anyone, was quite content with just me and my son but alas fate intervened. I went on a night out to a local pub with friends, we noticed each other across the bar but neither of us did anything at that point but then we got introduced and we clicked immediately. He says he noticed me the minute I walked in and turned to his friend asking him “who is that?” then got really nervous and wasn’t sure how to approach me until my best friend broke the ice by telling him I found him attractive 😂
We’re coming up to our two year anniversary and honestly I am so thankful I met him, we’ve helped each other in so many ways and neither of us were looking to settle down but here we are! Weirdly our paths have crossed multiples times without us realising – he lived on the same street as me TWICE, was friends with my sister at one point, and used to frequent the same pub I did. I think it’s called invisible string theory (I’m probably wrong) but we were clearly meant to meet at that time and not anytime sooner ♥️
When I was 33, I was finally feeling like I was on the other side of healing from a breakup of a long term relationship, and feeling open to the idea of meeting someone new. I was “passively” looking, as in going about my normal life doing things I loved and going to places I enjoyed but keeping an open mind to new people and interesting conversations. I was out for a jog at my favorite park and ran past a really cute guy, also out for a jog. I made eye contact and smiled at him, and (maybe delusionally!) slowed down in case he decided I was cute too and would come talk to me haha. I kind of day dreamt about it while running but then suddenly I heard a voice behind me! It was the cute guy saying hi, he introduced himself and asked if he could keep running with me. We ended up slowing to a walk and started chatting. We found we had a whole lot of connections and chemistry and it was the funnest most engaging conversation with a stranger I’d ever had, it felt completely different and he was so sweet. He asked me on a formal date for another day and we’ve been together ever since! It felt like luck and timing and maybe a little something extra was on my side that day and neither of us can still believe we found each other that way.
Met mine (35) on Feeld, he (37) was the first person who pinged me and we started talking. I wasn’t ready for anything and was super dismissive. He ended up pulling back and we didn’t talk for a month. I realised then I was being selfish and unfair to people. So I stopped the apps and just focused on myself. After about a month he reached back out, a week later we met and we have been together ever since. He moved into my apartment at the start of the year, we are talking about marriage and looking at purchasing a property together.
There is hope our there, though it can be rough.
Do companies come on these posts as advertisements lol ngl some of it seems like ads
Met him when I was 37 (he was 47) on OkCupid. Talked for a month because I was traveling. Met for coffee in August 2022 and by December we were engaged and we got married on our one-year anniversary.
I met my partner last year at the age of 35. I was so totally convinced I would never find someone after going on tons of dates over the summer and attending a singles event. I had never dated anyone long term. Then I matched with my bf in November on Hinge. We hung out several times and took it easy, he didn’t pressure me into anything— was pretty much all my pace and I really appreciated that. Now we live together and it’s a dream.
Met him on the Temu of dating apps-Facebook Dating. lol. I’d decided to give dating a try, wasn’t expecting much. I was honestly pretty cynical about love and set up my expectations to exclude most people I matched with.
Not much happened for a year. I didn’t find anyone I wanted to talk to, much less date.
But then we crossed paths. We’ve been together 3.5 years now. He’s amazing.
I know a lot of people feel like relationships that start online are somehow fake, but from my experience I don’t agree. Sure, they can be fake and people can be deceitful. But that happens in the wild, too. After all, my first marriage developed “organically” and ended up being hell on earth.
My partner and I talked a while before meeting in person (which I know lots of people hate as well) and it was a perfect start for us. We got to know each other in a way that was comfortable for both of us and felt very natural. We didn’t run out of things to talk about, and transitioned very easily to in person connection.
The Internet may have brought us together “unnaturally” but now I have a really beautiful relationship. Make of that what you will.
Affirming thread
Found a hobby and joined a little discord group. We were part of the same gaming crew but I never looked at him that way cause I was dealing with a lot on my own (moving, health, and new job). One day, he offered to carpool & take me to a friend’s bday cause we live in the same county and we struck up a great conversation. Our friendship bond got closer but I never thought to take it further. My headspace was just occupied. But he asked me out and I figured why not. We did have lots of talks of being worried how this would affect our friendship but it was a risk we were willing to take! We’re still together and I’m pretty sure we’ll get married soon.
We matched on OK Cupid when I was 32 and he was 28 (I did not have the age set that low, so unsure how he slipped through the cracks). We talked with each other for two months before meeting in person because he had left to go visit family the day he replied to my message. It was worth it because I feel like having those two months really helped us connect and made our first date not awkward at all!
I am now 37 and we’re getting married later this year!
Hinge! 33 f, 35 m. The healthiest, best relationship I’ve ever had.
I met my partner through a dating app as well (Bumble). I did go on a lot of dates before meeting him and I hated 99% of them. The good thing is that once you finally meet a decent guy, you will appreciate them more because you’ve experienced how awful the rest is… But you have to be persistent because it’s really a numbers game. Most men I spoke to on those apps were not dating material at all.