I (32F) matched with a cute guy on Hinge whose profile showed the same city as me for his location. He set up a date at a local cocktail bar and we had a nice time, but he did mention towards the end that he actually lives in a suburban town about an hour away and had to drive to the train to get to our date.
I live in the city with my dog, and I work x5 days per week in a pretty demanding job. It seems like it could get complicated dating someone who lives far and he’d always be at my place if we did date, which my friend/roommate wouldn’t appreciate. She also mentioned finding it a red flag that he used a fake location for his dating profile.
I’m trying very hard to date intentionally and not waste anyone’s time, so I’d love some feedback and thoughts on this!
Comments
I don’t find an hour to be that big of a deal for me, but it seems like it is for you and that’s okay! Just let him know you’re looking to date someone who lives in the city and let bygones be bygones.
So he lied about his location on the app in order to get more matches? That’s a red flag. No thanks.
Seems somewhat practical there’s a lot more singles in big cities than most suburbs. Guys don’t get a lot of matches.
I thought this was going to be way worse.
It’s your life though do what you want.
Idk, I’m in south Florida and I move my location between cities to broaden my horizons but that’s also because I don’t mind driving. It doesn’t seem like he minds since he was willing to go that far to meet you.
Yes. Intentionally misleading people in order to get dates is a red flag.
If someone is using a fake location, they should at least let you know before meeting that they are. Some people are ok with meeting someone who’s just visiting town or who lives an hour away, but I’m not that sort of person. I’d cut it off with this guy unless he was like already in the process of moving to the city.
Idk, I’m from a small town but sometimes just say the bigger one near me because that’s where I am most of the time
Did he give a reason?
I don’t know about Hinge specifically, but the apps should let you set a distance filter for matches. Changing your location to get around that is not OK to me.
I don’t want to waste my time with long distance. It’s the same to me as lying about anything else to get matches. Changing your age, editing photos to be misleading, lying about job or kids, all unacceptable.
I’ve had this experience twice, they lied when they only lived 30mins outside of the area. In both situations I thought it could’ve been an accident and just looked at it as a potential yellow flag to start, but once there were more red flags I realized it was a pattern and that they weren’t the most genuine or trustworthy people.
Soo I would tread cautiously, if you are interested in getting to know him further. If other red flags emerge, don’t brush it off. It’s such an odd/small thing to lie/misrepresent about yourself. You could argue it’s to cast a wider net in a more populated area, but he should clarify in his profile to be upfront.
Not into guys, but this is super common among lesbians and I hate it. I literally swipe left on people who live in the suburbs because I don’t want to spend an hour stuck in traffic just to see them, and I don’t want to host every single time just so we can be walking/biking distance from cool stuff to do. I want to date others who live in my city, not who think “meh, close enough” and actually live hours away. I would not continue to see this person.
Hate it. Certain areas are a deal breaker for time because it is annoying to go over there and I don’t want to. Now if I met you in real life and we connected – different story.
On apps? Nope!
This is one of those cases where you’re making something that isn’t yet a problem into a problem.
Lol. Whenever I’ve traveled out of state or out of the country and somebody asks where I’m from, I tell them San Francisco because it’s the closest major, well known city and it’s easier than explaining the town I actually grew up in that no one has heard of.
This is not one of those situations.
I think he changed his location so that he could get more matches. Either way, he should’ve told you this before. It’s not such a “huge red flag”, plus, I think you’ve only been on 1 date with him? Don’t totally dismiss him just because he lives a hour away, however if location and proximity is something that’s important to you then yes I would keep my options open. Good luck!!!
Tbh with you I swipe left on men I know are located any more than 30 minutes away. Like you I work a ton and live in a city; I simply cannot be bothered to add commutes for dating someone and the like.
I live in NYC and I won’t date someone that does not live in the city. It’s a lifestyle difference that I’m not interested in having. If someone lies about their location to me that’s a deal breaker because I wouldn’t have gone out with them if i knew they lived outside of the city in the first place