Hi Ladies! Just wanted to hear your thoughts on this. Do you all invest in skin care / skin treatments / beauty and wellness which in turn would make you feel beautiful and confident š
Do you think pretty privilege do exist?
Sometimes I feel like we can go into the rabbit hole of spending so much for ourselves and becoming superficial (feeling guilty of that š„²). But at the same time, I am earning this money by myself, have no kids, and no obligations at home
I just donāt want to continue prioritising something that might not actually be beneficial. Or what does it take to make women feel so satisfied in life?
Thanks xoxo
Comments
Pretty privilege absolutely exists. People are just nicer to you. Iāve been waiting for those feelings of invisibility, but Iām apparently aging like a barolo.Ā
I prioritize high maintenance to be low maintenance. Hair cuts every 6 week, manicures, good skincare, light but effective makeup. Ā No working out, but my job (bartender) is kinesthetic. I walk in circles for a living and move heavy stuff.Ā
Clothes are typical middle aged athleisure (almost everything I own is lululemon), but always coordinated, and well maintained. Accessories are luxury, but you can go lower price point if well constructed and good lines.Ā
Itās your money and your body. Do what you need to do to feel confident.
I pay for a gym membership, I get lip filler, I got botox once but I donāt feel like I really need it, I buy skincare I like, I buy makeup I like.
Do you.
Do I think Pretty Privilege exists? Yes.
Do I think it’s a “problem” for anybody to invest in themselves? No, absolutely not.
My opinion is, if you’re paying your bills and saving for your future (another form of investing in yourself) then there’s absolutely nothing wrong with spending your money the way you want to (as long as it’s not at the expense of others / you’re not an asshole).
If doing the beauty treatments you mentioned makes you feel confident and more yourself, then I say rock on.
Nah. I used to! I couldn’t afford things like filler and Botox but I put a lot of work into skin care, clothing, and the gym. It was really useful when I was digging myself out of an emotional hole, but as I healed, I lost interest – self-esteem/confidence/self-love/whatever is all internal. External things to help you build that are great, but for me, the benefits were short-term. With that said, I’ve got genetics on my side for things like skin, weight, and hair, so my experience isn’t universal.
Edit: misread your post – pretty privilege definitely exists. But to summarize, I’m generally not a fan of relying on striving for conventional attractiveness long-term.
My skincare routine is sunscreen / moisturizer in the morning and tretinoin in the evening. I have a gym membership and get a facial every now and then.
There was a time when I spent more money on many different products but I donāt think it made a difference in my appearance.
Pretty Privilage absolutely exists.Ā
I’ve been a size 0 and a size 12 and all of the sizes in between.Ā People treated me way better when I was skinner vs when I weighed more. People look at me and treat me differently when I’m dressed up vs. When I’m in casual clothes with no makeup.
I do spend money on skincare, but more expensive doesn’t always equal more beneficial.Ā
I don’t do beauty treatments anymore because I just don’t find value in them. If you can find a good skincare routine, that should help set you up.Ā
I don’t do cosmetic treatments because Early Retirement is more important to me than having a frozen forehead. Everyone’s priorities are different š¤·āāļø Do what works for you.
>Ā Do you all invest in skin care / skin treatments / beauty and wellness which in turn would make you feel beautiful and confidentĀ
No because I fundamentally believe that most products in the wellness industry are scammy in some way so I’m always looking at trends with a skeptical eye and rarely can find a reason to invest in them. On the more benign side, they are just really overpriced… but on the more nefarious side, many companies will way over promise and mislead consumers with incredibly shaky science and ‘cures’. Looking after yourself is one thing, and an expensive lotion here or there can just be a little reward for the self. But when I see people obsessively buying up skin care, makeup and booking in $300 treatments on a regular basis with no significant results to show for it… I often wonder if there’s more going on beneath the surface and the ‘self care’ is just a distraction to not confront those things. When you say “what does it take to make women feel so satisfied in life”, it’s not skin care, i can tell you that. The internal message “i want to look nice” is very different from the “I need to change myself”.
>Do you think pretty privilege do exist?
Not really because beauty is subjective while things like race and socioeconomic standing are not. Anyone that i’ve ever spoken to about beauty privilege has self identified themselves as having it. It’s more of a humble brag than a “i have a major advantage over others in life and i’m ashamed about this”.
Unpopular opinion, but after working as an influencer for about 6 years and being around a lot of this kind of talk, as well as getting many many sponsorships from wellness brands… it was simply the perspective I gained.
Investing in my fitness gives me the biggest boost of confidence, glowy skin, energy, etc. It’s also something that really sets us up for success/health later in life. If there is one thing to prioritize above all other “beauty” investments I would recommend health and fitness!
Respectfully, I donāt have to justify my makeup and skincare preferences. Iād get some work done if I could swing. Iāve noticed during my time on Reddit that women who donāt makeup or giving a hoot about how you look are revered.
Iām not sure when it became feminist to judge other women for wearing makeup, but Iām assuming itās done because they think often it is done for the male gaze. Which is misogynistic.
Do what makes you feel best. I often don’t think it’s how much you spent, it’s about what makes you feel good. I like to buy nice smelling shower oils for example pretty much just because I like the smell and they make me feel nice.
Fitness and food I will spend money on, nothing is more important to me than being the strongest, most well rounded self I can be to carry me through the next 40 years (just hit 40). I also spend money on getting my hair cut and colored and eyelash lifts and tints (but never fake) and buy mid priced skin care that I enjoy. Makeup I keep pretty minimal because I donāt enjoy wearing it.
I invest energy, not money, in doing things that science says are good for both present and future self.
So I wake up early to squeeze in cardio and strength training. I ride my bike everywhere. I watch my sugar and protein intake. I try to get lots of vegetables. And try to drink water throughout the day.
I don’t do anything special for my skin, besides putting on regular lotion.
I don’t do wellness spas.
I dont pour money into beauty supplies and cosmetics.
I am not knocking these things. If they make you feel good and you can afford it, go ahead.
But I don’t see them as investments the same way I do being diligent about hygiene, diet, and physical activity. The latter activities aren’t always going to be pleasurable in the moment. They aren’t always going to enhance your “pretty privilege”. They aren’t necessarily cool or trendy. But they will certainly pay dividends in the future.
Of course pretty privilege is real. But healthy people with decent finances also have an advantage in life. And they don’t have to worry about losing their privilege once they get to be a certain age.
Invest in sunscreen whatever you do.
This is going to sound very cranky ākids get off my lawnā maybe, but I viscerally hate referring to beauty products or procedures as āinvesting in yourselfā like it is equivalent to learning a new skill or improving your health.
I certainly do it, I just consider it indulging and not investing. I have some overpriced skin creams I enjoy using which I think make my skin look nicer. It makes me feel like I am pampering myself and doing something just for me, while also only taking 30 seconds a night to put on before putting my toddler to bed. I donāt need to justify indulging in small luxuries and I donāt need to frame it as an investment to be able to enjoy it.
I invest a lot in me. I don’t have kids or other obligations. I’m not in debt.Ā
If my worst sin is vanity, I feel pretty OK about that. Who cares if anyone thinks it’s “superficial,” what does that actually even mean?
Every person I’ve met who accused other women of being fake/superficial has been an asshole who thinks they’re smarter and deeper than they really are.Ā
Pretty privilege has been repeatedly proven to exist.
I think one should invest in whatever makes you feel good, not to get “privilege” but just to feel good.
Only you can answer what will make YOU feel satisfied in life – if you ask 100 different women you’ll get 100 different answers, and possibly none of them will overlap with your own.
Honestly, pretty privilege is real. Iām noticing now how differently Iām being treated since Iāve taken charge of my diet the last couple years and recently gotten back into weight lifting (after 2 kids and many years).
I honestly love going to the gym now. Itās so empowering seeing in real time how much stronger Iām getting. I highly recommend it.
Iāve always been self conscious about my skin, so started using tretinoin daily the last couple years, got a couple chemical peels done, and started preventative Botox. Itās really helped my confidence and I love looking in the mirror now.
This is not what I consider “investing in myself”. I’d say I do in the case of going to the gym but something tells me we have very different definitions of what that is for
“Investing in myself” is making sure I’m as strong and fit as possible, not making sure I’m the prettiest person around.
Investing in yourself is wonderful and 10/10 would recommend. As long as you are doing it for yourself and not some imposed beauty standard.
I don’t know where that line is, but at long as it’s making you happy and not stressed chasing some impossible standard. After spending an hour getting ready, do you still feel not up to par? Maybe time to reevaluate. Spend an hour getting ready and feeling like you could conquer the world? Awesome
Yes, I think pretty privilege exists.
Yes, I think you should spend what you want on yourself, how you want to spend it. It’s not my money so it’s not my problem.
I do spend some money on my appearance and wellbeing, targeted to what actually works and makes me feel happier. I have a small wardrobe of nice clothes in classic styles (and some fun dresses! can’t be serious all the time), much of which I bought secondhand. I buy nice shoes. I get dressed in my nice clothes every day even if I’m working at home or just hanging around the house, because it feels better than spending the day in pjs. I have my skincare routine dialed in – good moisturiser, a solid anti-ageing serum, and some eye cream because I like it. It’s not the cheapest but it works for me. I get regular haircuts and the odd mani/pedi or massage or facial, because it feels nice to let someone else take care of me for a while. I pay for my own GLP-1 inhibitors because frankly I look and feel better at -40kg than I did at my starting weight, and I reckon the -45kg I’m aiming for will be even better. I choose targeted supplements to address my health situation. I go to the doctor and take the HRT, and if I needed to I’d take the rest of the drugs too. I’m considering braces, purely for my own vanity.
However, I’ve not yet gone for plastic surgery (not saying never), I don’t do fillers, the BBL is not for me, and I don’t bother with facial resurfacing, peels, or other extreme interventions. If I’m considering a cosmetic procedure or treatment, I try to find out if it actually works or if it’s mostly woo. And I avoid the “wellness” people like the plague.
I think those types of things are awesome, esp skin care and gym. Your body is the only one you have and it has to last decades longer – it’s super important to take care of it. And bonus – being fit with nice skin is automatically anti-aging and adds “pretty” for most people!
Cosmetic not as much, and I don’t know what all is different between skin care and skin treatments, do you mean like Botox? I’m afraid to do that stuff. I’d rather look slightly older and not risk looking like those weird puff face people.
No, I don’t spend money on that.Ā
I’m not beautiful (and definitely recognize that pretty privilege exists) and I spend money on things that are meaningful or useful for me.Ā
Thereās a balance. Our skin appreciates more moisture as we age and can certainly benefit from some product here and there, but I keep my routine very minimal.
If youāre asking, I just use vitamin c serum and tinted sunscreen during the day, and a retinol and jojoba oil for moisturizer at night. I also use jojoba oil as my make up remover. For hair, I will make homemade masks with whatever I have on hand.
Capitalism and ads that make you feel like you need another product are awful. I have a rule to not buy products unless Iām searching for themā¦ I had an ad today about under eye hollows. I had never been concerned of my under eyes until then so I kept scrolling and made a point to tell myself I donāt need anything more for my under eyes.
My friends and I were just talking about this. I invest in facials because I have texture and dark marks I want to get rid of. Skincare for me is a low of K beauty brands that are pretty affordable in my opinion(under $20). I also have to use pretty mild products in between the facials. Same with makeup for the most part.
I also will pay for convenience. Getting braids cost me $250 but thatās 4-6 weeks without having to do my hair so that pays for itself with labor to me.
OMG! Iām so happy reading everyoneās comments š„¹āŗļøš I love how women are so open and understanding. Hehe. Havenāt even gotten through half of it yet. still ar work š
Pretty PrivilĆØge absolutely exists. For both men and women but mostly for women. Thereās a lot of studies to back this up, factors in the work place like weight discrimination, stigmas and income disparities.
I invest in it all. It helps with my confidence and how i feel over all; at home or when i go out. I feel good because I invest in myself physically and mentally. I think I would do the same even if I had kids. Because why not, money isnāt yours if you donāt spend it. I buy the expensive skincare and makeup, Iāve done fillers, just started Botox, IVs and microneedling, laser. I workout and prioritize nutrition. Iām really into supplements and moisturizing.
Why is it superficial to take care of yourself?! Who else will care for you if you donāt.
Satisfaction is subjective. Someone women feel satisfied in their life by having the title they worked hard for, kids, marriage, travel, being good to their parents, having the highest nosebridgeā¦itās different for everyone. I think life is about finding your own satisfaction at the end of the day. When are you the most at peace and truly satisfied with your life but itās human to keep wanting more and more. Balance is key.
I don’t believe these things to be an investment because I think in terms of what makes me valuable as a person my looks are not high on the list. I use the best products I can afford and have a skincare routine, but it’s simple (and effective).Ā
What I DO consider an investment is the degree I’m getting at 38 years old and you know what? It’s made me happier and more confident that looking pretty ever has.Ā
That’s not to judge people who do feel good by spending a lot of money on their face, but it seems like you think you should prioritise those things, not that you want to. What makes you light up inside? Find it and do it and you will be instantly more attractive.
I would say there’s absolutely nothing wrong with any of it, but if you’re worried about it and never feel satisfied, my suggestion is that there’s something missing in another area of your life.Ā
Iāve never dyed my hair and use grocery store hair products. The salon always says my hair looks really healthy and others in my life say the same. Iām the only one in my group who doesnāt use makeup. I sometimes wash my face at night and try to use a retinol. Honestly, I really donāt need it. Iāve enjoyed a certain level of pretty privilege all my life (guys have boldly āratedā me to my face and Iāve received as low as a 6 and as high as an 8, if we care what men think) so I havenāt been inclined to really work that much harder at it.
I think women are preyed upon by the beauty industry. There are some things that will help and can make you feel more confident, sure. But Iāve personally never been able to navigate the landscape of āself careā.
Sunscreen and good diet and exercise are probably the most sure fire ways to feeling and looking your best. The rest is all about how much money youāre willing to spend vs. the actual payoff.
I think pretty privilege is absolutely a thing, its unfortunate, but reality.
As far as investing in yourself, invest to an extent. Buying an 800 step skincare/makeup routine is unnecessary and just feeding into consumerism but buying a good moisturizer with SPF and a bit of makeup that makes you feel good is completely reasonable. Most importantly, keeping yourself fit and healthy with exercise and good diet is something we should all be doing. It doesnt have to be an investment though, plenty of free ways to exercise, but you will be more consistant doing something you enjoy, so if that means paying for a sport you love to play to keep yourself fit, then that is a good use of money.
I think pretty privilege does exist. But for me, it has nothing to do with investing in beauty treatments or working out. PP may feel like result of that, but Iām not hoping for that as an outcome if that makes sense.
I do beauty treatments, work out, and wellness because I want to be healthy and age gracefully ( why not take advance of modern technology). Laying down in a comfortable setting while someone takes care of my face relaxing and akin to eating a chocolate croissant, itās delightful. I had a good workout over the weekend, a vinyasa class that made me feel proud I kept up. And I wear make up because right now Iām trying to present my polished self (networking).
I donāt feel bad about it because honestly, I think all of us should be doing it. Meaning, working and taking care of our skin. Treatments sure if you can, itās just an extra nice thing to do for yourself.
But it doesnāt it inherently superficial. And if you are not seeing real benefits, maybe you need to switch it up. If you are, enjoy them.
I try to look my best, but I don’t obsess over it. I take care of my skin and hair, work out every day, eat a reasonably healthy diet, and wear cute clothes. But I don’t buy expensive products (I wash my face with Noxema, and once a week I use a cheap drugstore facial scrub and clay mask). I’m starting to go gray, and I have no intention of dying my hair. I wear a little makeup (cover-up on my blemishes, blush).
Does pretty privilege exist? I can’t say for sure. I’ve always been cute– not drop-dead gorgeous by any means, but attractive enough. And for the most part, I’ve been treated well by store clerks, servers, strangers in general. But whether that’s because of how I look or because I’m friendly and courteous to others, I don’t know. As I get older (mid-50s now), I get less attention in public, and it does seem that some store clerks are rather cold nowadays. But that’s mostly the young ones, so it might be a generational difference rather than being treated worse because I’m older. I still sometimes get compliments on my dress, coat, or shoes from random strangers.
“…what does it take to make women feel so satisfied in life?” Focusing on your appearance definitely isn’t it. It’s about what you’re doing with your life, what you’re contributing to the world. I work in human services and my career is meaningful to me. In my free time I garden, crochet, read, spend time with the people I love. 90% of the time, I’m not thinking about my looks at all. I’m too busy living.
I will spend money on things that actually work/are proven to make me feel ābetterā in some way – like an spf that doesnāt make my skin oily, a specific brand of food that tastes markedly better than others, or an activity that brings me joy and peace. Itās in my nature to be extremely curious and I love trying new things, but Iām not going to drop a ton of cash for trending products or big names just because. If thereās proof that something is better then sure, but itās truly case by case.
I do think pretty privilege exists and I’m getting old enough to start worrying about ageism. I have gotten more into skincare as I’ve gotten older but ultimately I try to live a healthy lifestyle which happens to result in a positive impact on my appearance – drink a lot of water (and pretty much nothing else except morning coffee), go to the gym to stay strong, prioritize sleep (which is encouraged by working out regularly). Going to the gym and getting enough sleep go a long way to managing stress. But I’ve also been considering a $150 at home skincare thing just today! So, do what makes you happy.
Most professional dermatologists (medical degreed) will recommend drug store skincare. Its a lotta of Cerava, sunscreen, and stuff under $20 per bottle. And they focus on reducing cancer risk (stop getting burnt folks! each time increases your cancer risk significantly), treating derma ailments (acne), and realistic expectations about product efficiency.
Sleep/water/diet/stress are in most cases the only immediate treatments. Everything else is prevention or reduction — you will not see the results of you skincare routine today, the results are in 10yrs from now!! SKINCARE IS A LONG GAME!!!! Too many people give up on a basic routine because it doesnt (necessarily) have immediate results. Fancy, expensive skin procedures are like liposuction — it’s an extreme treatment to catch up on long term ‘neglect’ of care. Take small actions EVERYDAY!
Facialists and estheticians (non degreed) peddle luxury skin care and they get a commission on the products you buy from them. Let that sink in.
Hot take: Skincare is healthcare.
I find it so strange that people are so proud to not have a skincare routine, including its most critical first steps of sleep, water, diet, stress and sunscreen (everyday, rain or shine!!!).
I do believe pretty privilege exists and will give you advantages in life. Looking nice does also increase confidence to me. So I invest in nice skincare products, I also take care of my health by eating well and exercising but thatās not only motivated by appearance.
I do draw the line at getting injections or surgery. No shade on anyone who chooses this, I just hate needles and would rather spend my money on other things. I am satisfied with the results that my skincare gives me. I donāt wear much makeup either. So I think this is just a very individual thing and you should do what gives you joy and confidence in yourself rather than chasing a beauty standard to get privileges in life.
My self is not my appearance. Efforts I put towards my appearance are not investing in my self, and no thatās not a typoāmy SELF as opposed to āmyself.ā I am a person regardless of what I look like. I am worthy regardless of what I look like.
I invest a lot of time and effort into my skincare. Because I enjoy skincare as a hobby too. So Iām reading about it and doing research. I do thermage once a year to prevent wrinkling and sagging. I use retinol, vit C serums and a AHA exfoliator. I get three haircuts a year, I donāt color or perm my hair because itās already straight and low maintenance. I have a treadmill at home and exercise w free weights. Once Iām not breastfeeding, I plan on starting more Pilates classes again. I used to do lash lifts before marriage and baby, but I donāt find it worth it anymore.Ā
Is it a lot of money spent on me? Yes. But my husband and I make enough. And we already max out our 401k, have good stock investments, and put in $500 a month to our sonās 529 college fund. You canāt take the money w you when you go, so you might as well spend some of it on the fun stuff!
Weightlifting, cardio, SPF, red light therapy, a good hairdresser and learning how to cook tasty nutritious food. Thatās it for me. If I had the mental energy and the money I would level up my clothing game and get everything tailored.
I’m sure pretty privilege exists, but IME, the men and women I’ve encountered at the highest corporate levels weren’t anything remarkable looks-wise. They are groomed and attired in clothes that fit properly, but don’t call attention to themselves. If I’m looking at your face and wondering about your last botox, I’m not listening to what you’re telling me.
I spend on things that make the most difference to me. A good haircut, doing regular exercise, eating healthy. I’ll spend money to learn things that I’m interested in and then pursue them on my own. I’m not spending the most I can afford on these things. I honestly don’t see a difference in my skin if I’m using the $15 drug store cleanser vs the $50 cleanser from the department store. We have a family history of skin cancer – so I do spend on twice yearly dermatology visits.
What is satisfying to me is being able to write that check for a cause I believe in or to be able to walk away from a job that turned toxic. I wouldn’t have been able to do that if I had been throwing every penny I made at looking pretty. For me, confidence is built through experience (success and failure), not in the mirror.
Pretty privilege is definitely a thing unfortunately but I donāt let that dictate why I take care of myself. I frame a lot of this as āinvestingāāin being the best and healthiest version of myself. Gym is the biggest one for that, I am a curvy woman. Weights always fluctuated and never been below a size 12 in my life (currently a steady size 16) but I workout 5-6 times a week for ME. So I feel strong and energergized and give myself a chance at a long healthy life. Cosmetic/skincare wise there is a lot of bullshit out there but on a base level of health you should keep your skin moisturized and wear sunscreen everyday as your skin is in organ that needs to be protected. I donāt do Botox or fillers because I refuse to let society convince me that an aging woman is a bad thing. Aside from that I do like to spend money on nice lipsticks and some cosmetics but thatās cuz I find it fun to wear out not for other people. If it attracts others cool but at 33 all that āinvesting in myselfā is ultimately for me to feel good from the inside out.
I pay a personal trainer and have memberships to a gym and a pool, and I work out regularly to invest in my health, my bone density, my strength, and my continued mobility. It has nothing to do with being beautiful.
I take care of my skin with moisturizers with sunscreen, cause Iām not a big fan of getting cancer. If has nothing to do with beauty.
Pretty privilege exists for certain. But Iām not about to help it along by groveling at the alter of youth and beauty the way some fashion magazines and influencers would hope I would. I have better things to spend my money on than Botox.
I basically only do beauty treatments that I also enjoy! Although if Iām being for real Iām maybe considering Botox lol. The gym and working out is for health so everyone should be doing that. I love getting pedicures and facials, I think it improves my appearance but itās also relaxing, fun, and the face massages help my jaw tension lol. Iāve had a lot of expenses these few months so Iām trying to cut back on services for a while though. But I do enjoy them.Ā
Fitness and whole food choices and not drinking alcohol is doing more for me in my 30s than the beauty industry ever did.
Confidence, strength physically and mentally, knowing that I am beautiful no matter what, less makeup means less breakouts, I have no f**** to give as a 38 year old woman, wife and mother. Sleep. Oh my god so much in life can be solved and under taken if you sleep enough and sleep well! Thanks brain!
Iām 44, but have been doing the following since I was 29 and believe it has paid off for me. I look like Iām about 40 because my face collagen and fat has thinned out, as it does for everyone. But when I put on a little weight, people tell me I look like Iām in my early thirties. I have zero wrinkles and Iām diligent about sun spot treatment so my skin is clear.
Thatās it. I have plenty of insecurities but my face isnāt on that list and it feels really nice.
Fitness (gym, personal training, physio and healthy food), hair and nails are what I spend money on, although I do want to start getting regular massages again.
My skincare routine is super simple (a Korean sunscreen and a couple serums) and I’m not big on makeup, just eyebrows and mascara.
I think there is no denying there is pretty privilege but where I live, being “put together” is more important. I found women started treating me better when I started getting my nails done. I live in Mexico
Now that I can afford it I go to an alt. hairdresser who makes me feel fabulous. So worth it!
I hear so much about pretty privilege online. Personally Iām not sure how widespread it really is or maybe just not as common where I have lived. I have fitted different boxes over years. I was considered conventionally quite good looking in my twenties. I gained weight after pregnancy and due to medical reasons took a while to get back in shape. I didnāt really feel that people were treating me differently when I was obese, overweight or fit. I never felt less privileged at work or social life.
Regards spending money on myself. If it makes me feel good and happy itās worth it. Itās not worth it if Iām doing it for someone else.