Three kids under 5, trading stress, debt, and a partner who doesn’t support me – trying to stay grounded in Berlin.

Hi, I’m a mom of three small kids (all under 5), and I currently live in Berlin with my partner – but emotionally, I’m doing this alone.

We live together in a Jobcenter-supported flat, but my partner is not emotionally available and doesn’t help with the children or household. He’s often unfair, sometimes aggressive, and gets loud out of nowhere. The love is long gone, and I’ve learned to emotionally detach and become independent from him.

Still, every time I try to let love or lightness into my life again, I feel the pain of how unjust and unsupportive he’s been. It’s like my body knows something isn’t right.

Right now I’m in a self-healing phase – I’ve done deep work on my nervous system, inner child, and emotional regulation. I’m learning to stay calm, to not react from fear or trauma. But in the past few days, conflicts with him have increased again and it’s exhausting.

I also have around 15k in debt (mostly from trading losses), and I’m trying to get back on track. I believe I can – but the emotional stress is making it harder to stay focused and consistent.

I know I want to separate and live independently with my kids. But I don’t have any support. I’d need to find a flat, speak with the Jobcenter, organize the legal side (we share custody), and all of this while still needing to settle my kids into a new daycare (I just canceled the old one).

I’m not burned out. I’m conscious. Aware.
But I’m carrying a lot, and I don’t want to act out of desperation.
I just need clarity. Peace. And maybe a reminder that it’s okay to take this one step at a time.

If anyone’s been through something similar, or has advice or encouraging words, I’d truly appreciate it. Thanks for reading.