TIFU 2025

I’ve been fucking up most of this year so far.

Jan:

Got a written warning at work when I got flagged for driving the company car to a sex shop where my gf worked. I just wanted to see her. I thought I could get away with it. Little did I know that the company car had a tracker. No one at the office believed I had a gf who worked at a sex shop, so the narrative became that I used the company car to drive to Adult World because I was horny as fuck.

Feb:

My imaginary sex shop gf wanted to get a new tattoo, so I recommended my friend, who’s a tattoo artist. When the job was done, my gf was so impressed with my friend’s work that she immediately made an appointment for another tattoo. I didn’t think anything of it until I saw a TikTok video of my friend tattooing my half naked gf. The video was posted by the owner of the tattoo shop and shared on their TikTok, which I followed to support my friend. The video was giving sexual tension between my friend and my gf. Lo and behold, 2 tattoos later, my gf wanted us to talk, which resulted in us going our separate ways. Her way was in the direction of my friend’s dick.

Mar:

In a moment of post breakup madness, I hooked up with an ex gf who I never wanted to see again. She was the first girl to make me hate love, but she always gave me the impression that she still had a soft spot for me, so without thinking, I decided to reach out to her. As soon as we were done having sex, she unleashed the worst fart I’ve ever heard and smelled. I grabbed the blanket and covered my nose and mouth. My ex, who was still naked, raised her ass in the air and let another one rip. Same potency. I literally ran out of the room. My ex said she was never comfortable farting in front of me when we were together because she wanted to be perfect or whatever, but now she could free all her farts, and she ate enough of the worst food to make sure her farts made an impression. It did. I almost threw up.

Apr:

Visited my grandma at the retirement home. When I informed her that I was no longer in a relationship, she introduced me to one of the nurses who took care of her and asked the nurse to take me to the room where all the wheelchairs were stored because everyone used that room to fuck. Both the nurse and I were mortified and never made eye contact again.

May:

A homeless kid approached my car while I was waiting for the light to go green. I rolled down my window and gave him my soda. Little homie grabbed the soda and ran away. Weird but whatever. I only noticed while I was driving that my smartwatch was no longer on my wrist. It was not in my car. It was just gone. I came to the conclusion that the homeless kid was a master thief.

Jun:

Nothing. Thankfully.

Jul:

I got a bed that was lower than my original bed because I was beginning to feel sorry for my dog struggling to jump on top. After realising it was now possible to jump on the brand new bed, my dog decided to celebrate this achievement by leaping onto my bed and trying to dig a hole in my mattress to burry his latest victim… a dead moth.

Aug:

No incidents.

Sept:

Present month. No fuck ups yet.

Tl:dr I’ve been fucking up almost every month.