My 7yo girls loves arts. She’s in dance (ballet and tap dance) since 3yo. Today I took her to dance class, like I’ve done many times before.
The dance studio is kinda big and has 2 different waiting room for the parents. The one next to her class was full, and I went to the other one to find a chair. I was reading on my Kindle during most of the hour she was in class. In the last 15 minutes of her class, I pulled my phone and put my earbuds on to watch the F1 race qualifying highlights. I did this on purpose, to avoid watching the entire thing home in the morning so I can dedicate more time to my kiddos.
Unfortunately, TIFU. The teacher went calling the parents for us to watch the kids doing a practice rehearsal of their live performance next month. And I did not hear because I had my earbuds on.
As always, 5 minutes before the class ended I went to wait by her classroom and I saw all the parents inside and the kids dancing. I immediately knew I had f’d up. I was the only parent not in there. I could immediately tell my daughter was crushed, but was still performing.
I missed 2 out of the 3 songs they danced. When the practice was over, my daughter came to me crying and said said she wanted to go home. She’s so crushed she said she doesn’t want to do dance anymore. I know she’ll remember this bad feeling for a long time.
What frustrates me the most is that I’m actively trying to spend less time connected to my phone. I won’t do social media (Reddit is the only one), and I’ve been reading more instead of spending time connected. I swear to God, the only 15 minutes I did during her class got me to mess up.
Anyway, I don’t have anyone to blame and I have no excuses, TIFU !
TL;DR: I missed my daughter’s rehearsal because I had my headphones on and didn’t hear the teacher calling all the parents! Now my daughter is crushed and I’m a total ah!
Edit: spelling
Comments
I’m sorry but she is having a really extreme reaction. It’s the end of a class, not a proper performance.
This is a great opportunity to talk about being able to recognize big problems versus little ones and being flexible and forgoing.
*** “forgoing” was meant to be “forgiving.”
Don’t worry. It sucks but it happens. Empathize with your daughter but also have a conversation about how she should be doing activities for her own joy, not for the approval of others. Otherwise she’ll always be chasing someone else’s opinions.
There are going to be times that you are going to miss things. Life happens. You need to tell her that even if you aren’t physically there, you are thinking of her and wanting her to have fun in the moment for herself, not for others.
One fuck up, is not the end of the world. What’s more important is constant engagement. You do know need to overcompensate a little, no headphones, extra and obvious engagement in her hobbies is probably called for.
Do you help her practice at home? You dont have to know anything about dance. Praise the progress she’s made. Praise the work she’s put in. Show her that daddy sees the work and energy she’s put in.
Also, I’m ADHD. I know that if I have headphones in and am on Reddit or reading a book, I will totally and absolutely disconnect from the real world. So, I tend to do one or the other only when I need to keep an ear out for things. Taking kid to practice is one of those place I need to stay available.
Tell her you were pooping or something.
Explain to your daughter. Tell her what you told us but in shorter form, that you messed up that you’re sad you missed the performance and apologize. If she’s of the sort that might like that kind of thing her her put on a performance for you and maybe the rest of the family. Clear a space and make it a moment where she has everyone’s attention and let her know how proud you are of her. This can be a bonding moment, something you guys joke about years later.
Take a breath. Your child will not be damaged forever because she was disappointed. She will be damaged if you make too much of this. The same result could have happened if you had been in the bathroom when the teacher called parents then sat back down again afterward.
Acknowledge your child’s disappointment. Give her a hug and tell her sometimes mistakes happen but you’ll be there for the performance. Then move along. If she keeps bringing it up, just acknowledge that it seems like it’s hard for her to not feel anxious about this, but you know that she can handle it and you’ll be there to support her. Do not let her back out. (fall off the horse and get back on again). Just be very nonchalant.
Don’t let this seem bigger than it is. “I’m so sorry I missed the practice, I wish I was there to watch you. Spending time with you is so important to me. You know I will be there for the actual performance next month, and I can’t wait to see it. I’m so proud of you for how hard you have been working on this.” Something along those lines.
This seems like a bigger reaction than is appropriate for this situation. Is there more going on? Bullying in dance class? Bullying at school? You mentioned actively trying to spend more time- is that because you are usually disconnected (busy at work, travel frequently, previously overusing your phone) ?
You should do a one earphone thing.
I’ve been in the same situation, and I eventually got a set of Shokz. Works really well and can still hear wats going on around me
Also, the teacher could have given everyone a heads up that they were going to be invited in at X time, because a lot of parents have better things to do than hang out in the dance school waiting room. I know when my son had soccer practice, I used to go grocery shopping or do errands during that time. It’s not 100% on you when you were under the impression that this was a standard practice with standard start and end times.
I’d also emphasize to your daughter that you can’t wait to see the performance for the very first time at the recital. She will get over this, don’t sweat it too much.
My nephew had his last band concert of the school year last night. I wasn’t able to go to others they’ve done, but I went last night. So many parents showed up late – just after they finished their last piece – that the band director had them play the last piece a second time. It happens to everyone. Give her some extra love and attention this week and let her know you’re sorry it happened. It will be ok.
She’s just mad right now and yes she will remember it for a long time but that means it’s because you’re very important to her. You know you fucked up. Tell her that. Just be honest. Tell her the situation in words she will understand and be able to process and forgiveness will come. From your words, I really feel like you are trying here and kids are so smart and receptive so she knows Youre trying hard. This will pass, Youre a good parent
So at 7, parents are still expected to be on-site for children’s lessons and activities. The crowded waiting room were the parents of the other classmates. Grabbing a chair and bring it back would have been the better course of action.
Sometimes the parents chat and become friends of proximity -dance friends, PTA friends etc. You don’t need to be best buds, but being with the parents would have made sure you were included
May I recommend bone conducting headphones? They leave ears open and you can hear around. Great for exercising. And multitasking if need to be one ear in and one ear out.
As a parent, I have never checked out in their 15 years of life unless the kids are in bed and my wife or a babysitter has the con. Seriously… ear buds in when you are the parent on call? You’re not a child, you are a parent. Your life is not yours anymore, grow up.
You cannot check out. You are dad. You are dad until you die. If you didn’t want to do this, you should have keep your dick in your pants or wrapped it in latex.
If they are with you, you are on the ball, period. No discussion, no compromise.
Seriously. I am 50. I lived through the no DVR/TIVO era and missed shit to take out the garbage in the 90s. Its 2025. F1 is recorded. You could watch anytime you wanted to. You were selfish as holy hell.
You should tell your daughter that, not us.
Just be honest, apologize and say you regret missing that. Ask for her to perform at home, say you’d pay more attention next time or at least have one ear free to listen to whats going on
It’s important that adults let kids know when they’ve made a mistake. Apologize to your daughter and ask for her to show you the dances you missed.
I have been known to run errands during classes – as it is the only time I can get errands done. Don’t beat yourself up too much. Also, ask the teachers to let you know at class drop-off if they’ll be wanting parents to come in before the end of class.
have her do it for you at home!! it will probably take a lot of coaxing and encouragement but if you can get her to do it i think she’d like that
She’ll get over it, make it up to her another way. Spend even more mommy and me time with her. Tell her what happened and why, and that you want her to stay in dance because she enjoys it, and next time you’ll be sure to pay attention.
Parents today are teaching their children that being on their phones is more important than they are. She just learned that from you even though you didn’t mean it!
NO, you are not an AH, you screwed up, but it’s fixable. Take her and yourself out for a mani/pedi, take a long walk with her, take her to the park for a picnic on a blanket, just the two of you. And talk, always talk to her, with her, not at her, and more importantly, LISTEN!
Edit: I thought you were her mom. 🙂 You can still do nice things with her. Give her all of your attention.
My parents did something similar when I was a kid. Probably the same age. I would tell her how disappointed you are that you missed it. Explain what happened and ask her if she would be willing to do the dance for you in a private setting.
Unfortunately you can’t go back in time. You just gotta keep trying. 🩵
so it was you who gave piastri that black magic lap
Did the school not send an email about parent attendance? Did you not look up and wonder where everyone else went? I think you need to take a much bigger step back and think about situational awareness, and being present in the moment. I would apologize to your child. Recognize their feelings and listen.
This is an opportunity to model admitting mistakes and apologizing. It’s rare that parents do that in front of their kids, but it helps strengthen relationships and teaches the kids how to be better people.
If that makes you feel any better, i missed my own wedding because i overslept.
You’ll be fine 🙂
It is what it is. We fuck up. I fucked up this year and now my daughter knows the Easter Bunny isn’t real. But it’s ok. Life will go on.
I would tell her exactly what you told us. You didn’t hear the teacher. And when you did realize you missed some of her performance, your belly sunk and you felt so bad. You would never purposely miss a performance. You’re very sorry and you’re looking forward to the real show!
Give her lots of love and listen to her when she tells you how she feels. Validate her feelings. She’ll come around. I’m sure she’s not going to quit dance.
Tell your daughter what you’ve said to us. About how you didn’t heard but would have loved to see her perform. In fact, you could even suggest that she could re-do in front of you. I think as a kid I would understand that my parent made a mistake but they still wanted to support me
could you explain to her what happened and give her a chance to perform it in front of you so she can see? maybe if she’s able to understand that it was a mistake and she has the opportunity to show you her dance, it will make her feel better!