My daughter got married. The original plan was for her and her husband to move in with me. I knew it would be temporary, but I still figured I’d have a few months to cope.
At the same time, she has been spending more and more time out of the house. This would be alright, if it wasn’t for her dog. I love him, but he is a handful. Currently I am still working graveyard, so I sleep during the day. It’s extra hard when she leaves earlier than needed for work, and also stays out after work.
I’ve been extra bitchy about it, my own stress and hormones, that’s not on her, it’s my own fault.
Now they are just gonna move out right away. I was stupid enough to ask if it was how I’ve been acting. It is part of the reason they are just gonna move into their own place. She wants to take the dog away, so he’s not strssful anymore.
I knew if I colmplained too much, this would happen, but I was so angry all the time. I didn’t want them gone, even the dog. I knew it would happen eventually, but knowing it’s my fault hurts way worse.
Maybe part of me thought we’d find a new rental with mother in law until. Maybe I diluted myself to think they would move out. Not that I have any chance of this now thatni quit.
Why did I push her away? Why amniotic so angry at a dog? It just doesn’t matter to even talk about.
TL:DR – I was a bitchy mom, and now my daughter is gonna move earlier than expected.
Comments
What question?
I mean, isn’t this good? It sucks to live with your parents as an adult, and it sucks to lose your own space when you’re used to it
Sure you could maybe have handled it better, but seems like you can just be a good mother & check in on her from time to time, apologise for being stressy when things settle down and continue life as normal
Honestly, it seems kinda strange that you are so upset about your married adult daughter moving out. She should be starting a home with her husband. They are starting a life together and need some independence. Be grateful that the dog forced them to find their own place. Consider therapy if you feel you are overly dependent on your daughter or unable to cope with living without her.
Disclaimer: I do not know the full situation. This just seems like a red flag from my POV.
Isn’t that how it’s supposed to be? I mean, in most modern cultures, it is not “normal” for the married offspring to continue living with their parents. Regardless of the reasons, this could be a very positive thing for all of you.
I think this will be good for you. You sound like you cling to your kid. Seperation will be good for you both. She will come back, assuming you were a good mother. Hell, kids come back and give BAD moms a second chance, so even if you fucked up theres still a chance. Just let her go live her life. She will make room for those who she loves.
Just because kids moving out is an expected transition doesn’t make it easy. You are her mom, you spent decades raising her under your roof and now shes leaving. Add in the stress of hormonal changes, the dog disturbing your sleep, etc its no wonder you’ve been dealing with anger. A lot of times anger is a protective emotion, and a lot of times whats lying underneath is sadness. You wanted to enjoy the last piece of this chapter of being a parent and I’m sorry that it hasn’t been as smooth as you’d hoped. Its a lot of pressure. I hope you take time to grieve the end of this chapter and there is no shame in seeking therapy to navigate it. You will always be her mom, your relationship can still thrive, even improve when
You both have space to grow.
You were bitchy because the situation was taking a toll and not working for you! Your feelings were valid so please stop beating yourself up. This is best for everyone. 😘