So, I (21F) think my boyfriend (23M) and I heralded the death of Pope Francis via jizzing on some priest robes.
For further context: last Halloween we decided we wanted to dress as Fleabag and Hot Priest, so I bought the jumpsuit and he got some cheap catholic priest robes off Amazon. Of course, there isn’t much use for cheap priest robes in everyday life, so we tucked them on a shelf in our bedroom.
Fast forward nearly six months: Easter! We travel up to visit some family, and decide to take the train home later that day rather than stay the night. It’s a fairly long journey, so when we get home we’re exhausted. We get into our pyjamas etc., and cue the usual sexy times. The only
problem is afterwards we realised we had run out of tissues, and naturally we were a bit messy. It had been a long day, and out of sheer, disgusting laziness, neither of us wanted to venture out to get tissues. In one final desperate moment of grossness, I told my boyfriend to just wipe himself
down with the bundled up fake priest robes as no one is ever going to touch them again. He does, we are somewhat clean, we fall asleep, life is great.
Anyway, cue the morning after. I get a notification that Pope Francis passed away at age 88. We’re worried this is because we wiped jizz on the priest robes and cursed him with our hedonism. Reddit, be straight with me: did we kill the Pope!?
TL;DR – Today I fucked up because I told my boyfriend to wipe his jizz on some faux priest robes because we were too lazy to go and get tissues. The morning after, Pope Francis was dead and we think it was our fault.
Comments
this is not how I find out the Pope died..
It’s not too late to delete this…
Oh
And he too died for your sins
Are you fucking stupid?
So this is how I find out that the pope died….
Uh… yeah. So I guess the pope died? Don’t think this’ll be how it’s presented in the news but this timeline is weird so you never know?
What the fuck did I just read
Pro tip: leave baby wipes by the side of the bed. Makes for a better clean up.
I suggest tonight he fucks you on the hood of a Tesla….
I thought this was gonna be JD Vance saying he breathed on the pope, but this confession is much worse.
So he literally died today and it’s already fun to make jokes about his death? Jesus christ (pun intended) this is stupid.
Death by semen-wiping is an interesting cause.
giiiirl jesus just got resurrected 😭
Yes, clearly you and your boyfriend killed the pope with your carnal sins. And that’s not something the church is going to forgive you for lightly. If you both give up all worldly pleasures today and become a nun and a monk respectively, you may just earn forgiveness at some time in the next fifty years, but it’s far from certain. And the alternative is eternity in hell.
This is the dumbest thing I’ve read on Reddit in a long time
Is this how I find out the pope died 😭
Say 2 hail Mary’s and an our father for your sins
I think you just honored Catholic tradition
Oh my god people are gonna find out the pope is dead from a fucking TIFU post on Reddit lmfao
Don’t worry it ‘s just a coincidence. JD has already been blamed.
Damn if only I was incapable of reading..
This is hilarious 😂
What have you guys done?!
why did i find out through this post…
Since 4chan is down I guess it was inevitable that content like this ends up here on reddit
I just read the title and assumed you were JD Vance.
There’s a joke to be made here about priests jizzing on robes that involves children. I’m just not able to put my finger on it.
This is how I find out pope Francis is dead?!
This is how I found out the pope died.
Yup.
Yes
Levels
Don’t worry, bring the robe to a dry cleaner and in 3 days he will resurrect.
The real fuck up is putting up this post before the western hemisphere has had coffee and heard the news.
I’m sorry no one is answering your question.
I’ve been doing some in depth research in dark places on the internet and I am afraid to say, it is likely that you have a gland/hand in this event, IF it was live streamed.
I killed David Bowie.
My wife and I were going to the supermarket at 2am, we were singing Space Oddity, in the car on the way there, then we got into an argument if it was pronounced Bow (like bow and arrow) or Bow (like a dog goes bow-wow), we even asked the checked out lady (who agreed with my wife, it was bow-wow).
We woke up at midday, to hear the bad news.
I don’t think my wife has quite forgiven me