I’m 28, living with my girlfriend, let’s call her Emma, for two years. She’s great, handles my clumsiness well. I trip over rugs, lose my keys, that sort of thing. My family’s similar. Dad fell off the roof fixing shingles. Mom broke a lamp trying to swat a fly. Grew up in a small town, always the kid dropping his lunch tray in the cafeteria. Emma finds my awkward stories amusing, says they’re part of my charm.
Yesterday, we had a nice day. Ate at a diner, walked by the river, had takeout on the couch. Night came, and we felt close. Our bedroom’s small, with a noisy ceiling fan and just a bit of streetlight coming through. It was very dark, hard to see anything.
We were having sex, caught up in the moment. I tried to lean closer but misjudged her position. My arm swung out to balance, and my elbow hit Emma’s temple. Hard. She went still. I panicked, heart racing, reaching for the lamp. Knocked it over first, then turned it on. Emma was unconscious, eyes closed, not moving. I shook her, calling her name, voice unsteady. Ten seconds later, she blinked, dazed.
“Ow,” she said, touching her head. I apologized over and over, feeling awful. “I couldn’t see you, it was too dark.” She gave a small laugh, said I knocked her out. Her temple was tender, but she was okay. I got her water, an ice pack, and kept apologizing. She teased me, told me to stop flailing. We’re getting a nightlight now.
TL;DR: Had sex in a dark room, swung my arm clumsily, and knocked my girlfriend unconscious for ten seconds with an elbow to her temple. I’m not cruel, just uncoordinated.
Comments
This alibi not holding up in court
I mean, really… how does someone manage to bonk their partner unconscious in the dark? It’s one thing to be clumsy, but that’s just next level… I swear, if I ever trip over a rug, I’m gonna need a nightlight too, or at least a better sense of direction.
Nice bit of fiction that
Have her wear a helmet ⛑️ from now on
“I panicked, heart racing, reaching for a lamp. I grabbed it and smashed it into her forehead, and then choked her with the cord. She won’t wake up. What do I do?”
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You really hit her with that lights out move huh 💀 get that nightlight, king, before round 2 turns into a rematch
whether this is satire or not, I’m not sure shaking an unconscious person without being fully sure of the damage to their body is a good idea….
If only comment is “ow” she knows your clumsiness and really loves you 😁
I did that once when we first started experimenting with breath play. She lost consciousness and I thought I killed her
You weren’t makin love, you were unlocking a secret combo move 💀 next time try not to go full Mortal Kombat mid-thrust pls
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The amount of power that it would take to knock someone out cold for 10 seconds doesn’t track with this story
I’m bi (it’ll be relevant). About 15 years ago I was banging this chick and accidentally dislocated her fucking arm… I’ve solely banged dudes ever since. A bit less flexible, but also a bit more durable.
Yeah Violence during sex? Accidentally knocking her out?
You need professional help if that was truly how clumsy you are.
I don’t think this is humorous.
You knocked her unconscious and just got her an icepack and vowed to get a night light? Get her to a hospital ASAP wtf? Knocking someone unconscious means they just suffered some brain damage and need medical attention.
Years ago, my ex was ontop of me in reverse cowgirl, and we decided to change position. I sat up while she swung her leg around, and she roundhoused me straight to the nose. Didn’t knock me out, but left me dazed with blood pouring from my nose.
The Venus Butterfly move finally revealed.
i had a female friend i had met 2 weeks ago who once invited me for a sleepover at her hostel…totally friends nothing else.I had not slept with a gal in the same bed in a very long time.while we were asleep i had a dream seeing a gal next tome in bed.I tried pushing her off the bed so hard while she resisted.upon waking up suddenly,i see this gal with a terrified look on her face.lights on,she’s siting on a chair staring at me so terrified with scratch marks on her chest area,the bed slightly moved from its position.she understood and forgave me but i still feel awful about it lol
Bet you finished before she woke up tho, amiright?
She needs to see a Dr
we’re not going to laugh along with you on this one bro
No happy ending that night…
Yeah…..no.
Your arm swinging isn’t going to knock anyone out. The force required is pretty big and it’s not going to happen unless you’re putting your full effort into it.
Also, any loss of consciousness requires a visit for scan. Period.
As others said, good luck on this “alibi”.
So let’s be clear… you didnt finish?
At least you didn’t really knocked her out.
Or maybe yes, we will need a few weeks to find out and 9 months to know if it’s a boy or a girl.
Refrain from question/comment because I’m banned everywhere already
Yeah, what about trying to be more focused on what you’re doing and your surroundings, so that you become less clumsy? 🫠🥴 I get you and your family are like this, however, trying to change that instead of using it as an excuse, might help… Just saying 🤷🏽♀️
I don’t really buy the story but as someone who is incredibly clumsy and uncoordinated (and hasn’t knocked anyone out), I started doing physiotherapy for a sprained ankle and learned she can help with learning balance so a reoccurence is less likely. If anyone has just brushed off their balance/coordination as clumsy, especially if they under 40, it can sometimes be helped!
My sprain lasted months and I’m going to keep working on some simple exercises and meet with her next year to see if I’ve progressed!
For those wondering what that must have looked like, I made a quick drawing to visualize it.
https://preview.redd.it/8t5jrs3nbx9f1.jpeg?width=3507&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=334aa9399ae10b75aa6155e7a80f72b7d599e2d0
my bf accidentally dislocated during sex once lmao I got wiggly joints
Fiction, AI, or you’re completely lying and something entirely different happened. This is bs.
Misjudging distance in the dark is very dangerous. If you’re familiar with the area you can operate with high confidence but not complete confidence. I was once walking in a room I knew pretty well but forgot the placement of a chair and full speed STRODE through the space that it in fact did occupy. Caught my smallest toe on the foot of the chair and just… followed through with the step… I broke the toe.
Would be more of a FU if you continued while she was out conscious
dam dude good thing you didn’t manslaughter her on accident you big goof. think before you move boy.
Twist: now she likes it and he secretly finished before she came to🤣🤣🤣
This makes little to no sense to me.