This literally just happened an hour ago and I’m still cringing so hard I want to disappear. I work at this small accounting firm and there’s maybe 15 of us total. We’re all pretty close and joke around a lot.
So there’s this guy Kevin (late 20s maybe?) who sits near me and he’s been acting weird lately. Like he keeps asking me about my desk neighbor Amy, what she likes to eat for lunch, if she’s dating anyone, stupid stuff like that. It was pretty obvious he had a thing for her but Amy seemed totally oblivious.
Today we’re all in the break room for someone’s birthday cake and Kevin’s being his usual awkward self around Amy. She’s talking about how she’s thinking of dyeing her hair and Kevin just goes “you’d look good with any hair color” which was sweet but also cringe. I thought I was being helpful by nudging him a little.
So without really thinking I said “Kevin you should just ask her out already, we all know you have a massive crush on her.” I meant it as like a friendly push but the entire room went dead silent. Amy’s face turned bright red and Kevin looked like he wanted to crawl under the table.
Amy mumbled something about needing to get back to work and basically ran out of the room. Kevin followed her and I could hear them having this awkward conversation in the hallway. I think she was trying to let him down easy but I couldn’t really hear everything.
Now I feel like absolute shit because I basically forced this whole situation when maybe Kevin wasn’t ready or maybe Amy suspected but didn’t want to deal with it. The office vibe has been weird all afternoon and I keep catching people looking at me like I’m some kind of drama starter.
Kevin came back to his desk and hasn’t said a word to me. Amy’s been avoiding eye contact. I texted Kevin saying I was sorry and that I thought I was helping but he just said “it’s fine” which clearly means it’s not fine.
I honestly thought I was being a good wingman but now I’m wondering if I just made everything worse for everyone. Like maybe some things are better left unsaid? But also isn’t it better to just be direct about this stuff instead of dancing around it for months.
TL;DR
I have no idea if I should try to fix this somehow or just pretend it never happened. Either way I definitely fucked up.
Comments
I don’t think you understand what TL;DR means
How old are you?
Yikes. Definitely should not have said anything, especially in front of everyone at someone else’s birthday celebration. They’re looking at you like you’re a drama starter because you are.
I think that since you’ve apologized to Kevin, now you should apologize to Amy. Then let it go. It’s going to be awkward and uncomfortable for a bit but it will get better. It will just take time.
I completely understand that you were trying to help. And I also agree that it’s better to be direct. But being direct was Kevin’s decision to make and you kinda made it for him.
That’s quite the fuck up. How old are you?
Only thing you can do is apologize to Amy and Kevin separately and take your licks from them and your officemates. You fucked up blurting out something, that while it could be obvious to EVERYONE, you had no right to place yourself in there.
I get what you were going for / why but yeah some things can’t be joked about.
idk i think situations like this are necessary. some people need to learn boundaries, and i think you learned one today. sit with the cringe. i know it sucks and it was impulsive and meant to be harmless but…..it wasn’t any of those things 😬
I have learned in my lifetime that unsolicited “help” is most likely me interfering with the natural order of things. I mean does the fire truck sit outside your house and wait for smoke? They help when they are asked!
I would be humiliated and furious if I was both of them. It is one thing to say it to just Kevin but to throw it out in front of everyone that is horrible. You for sure will be looked at differently by everyone now and probably not trusted.
Embarrasses co-worker in front of whole office. Minutes later. Why’s everyone looking at me?
People like you are terrible to have in a workplace
That’s quite the mess, goodness. For future reference when people say “don’t mix romance and work” they mean playing wingman as well as actually dating people yourself. Since you sound young and say you thought you were helping, let me be clear as a middle manager who would be the person writing you up for this at my company and tell you – your actions were unprofessional, and definitely not helpful even if Kevin really does have a crush on Amy and even if they do ultimately end up in a relationship because they like each other. You are likely going to hear about this from your boss or HR person. You probably won’t be in serious trouble, so don’t panic, but this is also the sort of story that can stick.
If you want to do some next-level ownership, the way to do that is to just come out and say it in your next group meeting. Keep it short and simple: “hey everyone, my comment about Kevin and Amy was unprofessional, and I’m sorry for making it.” No explanation of how obvious the crush seemed to you, no “it was a joke” excuse, no storytelling, just a quick apology and a hope to move on.
But I think it’s also fine to let it go, or wait and see if the tension lifts tomorrow (or for your boss to pull you aside about it). You’ve already apologized to Kevin which is sort of the minimum requirement to move on from this.
This was really awful of you, especially in the workplace, this is verging on a complaint to HR from either of them. You’ve created such awkwardness in a small team, imagine how the poor guy feels about having to walk back into that tomorrow? And how awkward you’ve made things for Amy?
OP, you fucked up badly here. The mortifying embarrassment you’re feeling right now is part of your punishment. You get to sit with this for a bit.
Yes, you fucked up big time.
It’s fine means “drop it.” So drop it.
Why did you think that was OK lol? I recommend keeping those things to yourself. Those lax work environments where everyone is “family” are prime for HR violations.
I mean, do NOT bring it up again, they don’t want to prolong this. And learn a lesson, stay out of co-workers personal lives.
Yeah you should be embarrassed. Your punishment is cringing about this for years
Damn.. Kevin isn’t telling you anything anymore.
How on earth did you think you were being a good wingman?
>like I’m some kind of drama starter.
LIKE you’re a drama starter?
>I texted Kevin saying I was sorry and that I thought I was helping but he just said “it’s fine” which clearly means it’s not fine.
Yeah he’s mortified, he’s not gonna stop being mortified just because you say you’re sorry.
You werent ‘trying to help’, or ‘being a wingman’. You were trying to gain status by lowkey bullying/humiliating Kevin in front of everyone.
Idk if you cant see it or dont want to admit it, but this was a low level power play and everyones uncomfortable bc its cringe of you and you fucked up the vibes.
Apologize to Amy too, for a start.
How TF is this an “accidental reveal?”
The very title of the post indicates to me that OP isn’t even yet ready to process the fact they are responsible totally for this. Was your coworker being super cringe? Sure. But what you did goes beyond just cringe – it’s an HR issue
When you wingman… the correct move is to fluff up your buddy for his target, and help set the mood by clearing way. it is not to say; “lol, now kith you two.” Unless you have down syndrome. in which case that’d be kinda hilarious.
Question, would you find your approach helpful if you were in Kevin’s position?
this is why i dont hint at or tell anyone who i may be interested in lol
time to update resume
Shit ain’t High School, this is the real world
This isn’t your living room with your besties. Workplaces, especially small ones, thrive on unspoken rules and professional distance. Even if everyone knew about Kevin’s crush, knowing and publicly exposing are two wildly different things. You basically hit the nuclear button on a situation that was, at worst, mildly awkward.
You’re an idiot
Accidentally? Seems pretty blatant when you just say it straight to the point in front of both of them.
Welp if your goal was disaster.. goal achieved.. on the plus side you’ll probably have one or two new co workers soon because of what you did..
The word ‘accidentally’ in the title is doing a lot of work here
That’s not a nudge, hint, or friendly push in a direction.
That’s lining the man up naked on a stage during the Superbowl halftime show and shooting him in the nuts with a cannon.
You genuinely could not have been more direct, cringe, and tactless if you tried.
Apologize to both of them and then just drop it you kinda fucked the vibes up big time. Things will probably return to normal fast but definitely apologize
You didn’t “fuck up” you’re just an asshole lol
Sounds like HR is about to assign everyone a refresher training course.
You need to learn more about social interactions.
You’re now even cringier than he was.
Wow….
Ya you massively screwed up. I hope you apologize to both of them in person.
You would’ve been the good guy had you told that to him when you were just around each other. But now you’ve humiliated him and embarrassed her.
Newsflash; You ain’t in highschool no more, ya dillweed. heck even there some jock would prolly clobber ya for that one.
If I were you I’d start parousing the job boards and remove yourself from that particular accounting firm pronto.
You are a dumbass and an asshole – how could someone be so unaware? You’ll probably get fired by the way
You seem pretty socially oblivious, so if you were picking up on it, there’s almost no way that Amy wasn’t. And if she wasn’t reciprocating, she was probably trying not to make it more awkward than it already was. It might be better to be direct about this stuff, but that doesn’t mean it’s better for YOU to be direct about something that is none of your business.
But if you’re nudge had worked, you’d be his hero.. .
Simply put: I hate you
OP will suddenly be shocked that nobody wants to hang out or talk to her anymore outside of work related gatherings.
The road to Hell is paved with good intentions.
You are dense as fuck my friend. I hope you are young and can learn because if you are not then you are a lost cause.
Pretty sure he asked you about Amy in confidence, and didn’t expect you to blab it to the entire office. Just keep your mouth shut and let it blow over.
And next time, read the room.
Aww, honestly, he will get over it. Yeah, it was a little unhinged to blurt something like that out in what is supposed to be a “professional” environment. That’s like if you keep catching your brother checking out guys butts, and you see him checking out the servers butt at a family dinner at a restaurant and you say “Johnny you’re never going to get any if all you do is look.” Yeah, now everyone knows little Johnny’s gay, and likely he (and possibly the waiter) mortified. Maybe don’t do that, but yeah, it happened already. Who knows, maybe this would have gone on for months only for him to find out that she’s already dating someone. Maybe you did him a favor. Life is messy, go pour yourself a drink 🍷 and forget about it.
You need a new job lol your coworkers hate you now
A wingman helps the man by creating a situation for the two. Bringing the whole room into the situation fucked it all up. Also Kevin saying she looks good in any hair color might be cringe to you but it’s a normal comment while flirting?? You make this Kevin guy seem antisocial but it seems like OP is the one who’s awkward and antisocial. You embarrassed you coworker. Everyone is looking at you cuz you embarrassed your coworker. You took the initiative in a workplace during work hours. All of these seems like someone who can’t socially understand a room would do.
It’s certainly an FU, but it might be better for Kevin in the long run. I did the same thing Kevin did for many years, having a long term crush without having the guts to ask her out. The few times I did make a move didn’t work because the crush wasn’t interested in me or in dating at all. One of the main reasons it’s so difficult is it’s very rare to find someone near your age who is both single and open to dating at all.
My advice for Kevin would be this: If you’re interested in someone, don’t wait weeks or months looking for the perfect time to ask them out. That usually leads to wasting time focusing on someone who won’t be interested in you. Ask them out for coffee, and if they say no, move on. Some people just won’t work as a couple for many reasons and trying to push a relationship will just make it worse, especially if it’s a co-worker. If you’re not getting anywhere with people you know, try one of the many online dating options. That’s what finally worked for me. Online dating can also be frustrating for other reasons, but your odds of finding someone single and open to dating is still higher than your circle of friends.
Lol, you’re the worst wingman in the world! If you’d said it to him when it was just the two of you, that would have been ok. You did it in front of everyone, especially the person he’s crushing on. Now they’re both embarrassed and he’s probably thinking about what to do with your body, lol. Leave it alone. You’ve caused enough damage and anything else you try to do in the name of ‘helping’ will just make it worse, most likely. Your heart was in the right place but you just did it wrong.
Yeah you 100% fucked up
Yes, TYFU.
This wasn’t you accidentally revealing a crush. This was you being an obnoxious dick, fully stop.
Let this be a lesson: don’t go meddling in other people’s lives. The vast majority of the time you’re just going to make things worse and look like an asshole in the process
You always have this much trouble navigating social situations brother?? A “friendly push” would’ve been having a chat with Kevin privately. How old are you? Most of us have this kind of shit figured out by our early 20s, if not high school.
How horribly self-centered you are. If I witnessed this, I would assume you were purposely trying to humiliate the man. That’s straight up mean to say in front of everyone, and I’m surprised no one called you out on it.
I honestly hope HR gets involved in this. You’re an ass.
Buhahahahaha!! Jesus, dude.
Yeah you fucked up but mostly it’s in not realizing no one wants to have their personal business out on display for everyone without their permission. You forced it in front of all of your coworkers so they’ll all know if she shoots him down. This is one of those embarrassing moments in life people never forget. If this was Am I the Asshole, the answer would be yes, you’re the asshole, or at least the dumbass. If you’d done it on the downlow to her, maybe that would have been acceptable, or better just encourage him to ask her out when there isn’t a crowd of onlookers. If I were your employer there would be an official reprimand at least, depending on your performance, might just be a a dismissal.
Some companies have policies against dating in the office, too, so even if she wanted to date him, you just cast a bunch of attention on them. Seriously, think things through, man.
Is this an office of 12 year olds?
I bet Amy got a phat ass.
OP can you confirm?
“you’d look nice in that color” actually sounds like a typical hint into flirtatious behavior, not cringe imo
Hey Linda, you a bitch.
I agree; that was a shitty thing to do.
If Kevin stays at the job, don’t be surprised if he complains to HR about your bullying him in front of everyone.
Not sure if accidentally is the right verbiage here.
65% chance kevin quits because you massively embarrased him
You’re really bad at being a wingman – if this is true.
How’s the job hunt going?
No, it’s definitely not better to be “direct” about this stuff bc it’s not your place to begin with. There’s a million ways they could have handled it without you humiliating both of them.
Well, it’s just a different flavor of awkward now. It was kinda awkward, for you anyway, before… but now it can be awkward in a new way. Where people move on. Yeah oops, but apologies and self-forgiveness:)
Without your intervention, Kevin might never have expressed his feelings, might never have acted on them. Now because he has presumably tried to explain his feeling and because of the obviously uncomfortable situation you’ve created, anything and everything Kevin says will be scrutinized. You’ve just opened Kevin to workplace sexual harassment complaints. What were you actually trying to accomplish? Because you sure weren’t trying to help Kevin. It’s obvious from your comments that you have zero respect for your coworker. Smdh.
?????? You’re an AH
Don’t comment on people’s love lives, especially when they have not even spoken to you about it, AND DEFINITELY NOT IN FRONT OF THE ENTIRE OFFICE DURING AN UNRELATED PARTY?????
The lion does not concern himself with a call from HR.
Kevin probably had a crush on you
The only winner here is Kevin. Once he gets past the public humiliation, the rejection and the betrayal, he can find a new job and move on with his life
Im guessing you get no women if you think that could have helped. Even if they did like each other, what you did could be what makes sure they stay divided forever.
Do NOT try to “help”
You WILL make things worse because you’ve got the subtlety and grace of a monkey with an airhorn